*Warning: Today's post contains liberal doses of feminism and probably some swearing because I am frustrated as fuck by the subject matter*
Good morning, Readers!
NOPE! NOPE! SO MUCH NOPE!
So, last week, the above image landed on my Facebook feed.
There is so much wrong with this I've decided to take a moment to explain to people who might either agree with the sentiment, or think it's a harmless thing.
Let's start by examining the phrase "women are losing their uniqueness."
First of all, good.
Secondly, women were never that unique, people. They were just boxed in; forced into roles for which many of them were terribly ill-suited, but too afraid of the social repercussions to deviate from. Where laws did not restrict the actions and roles of a women (women died, were arrested, sent to insane asylums and abused in the fight for the vote), strict social control picked up the slack.
Thank heavens I did not live in the 1800s, but I have experienced some of this incredible restriction myself.
Growing up, I was constantly reminded that girls shouldn't like science (thanks grade 8 science teacher... whose name escapes me now, but I remember you were blonde) or maths, they shouldn't have grand ambitions, shouldn't like swords, guns or rough-housing. Gaming is out of the question. Girls should like make up and dresses and they should understand that their ability to attract a mate is the best and only thing about them that makes them worthy.
I felt like such a freak growing up. I wasn't interested in dresses. Make up was boring as fuck. I wanted to game, but couldn't find girls who would game with me, and none of the boys I was on friendly terms ever talked about gaming with me... because I was a girl. I was intensely interested in sword-fighting and dreamt of owning my very own suit of armour; fitted for me. I wanted to be a knight. Or a rogue. Robin Hood was my favourite hero.
But girls aren't allowed to play knight or rogue. We're the princesses.
I have a very distinct recollection of the town fair, which we called "The Show", and I saw the most amazing show bag. It was a bag filled with Robin Hood stuff. A plastic bow with suction cup arrows, a cap with a feather and some other cool stuff (but honestly, it was that bow I wanted). I thought it was the coolest thing ever. I begged my mum for that show bag. Thankfully, she let me have it. As the man handed the bag over the counter, he said, "There you go, little boy."
Because girls are sugar and spice princesses, and boys are dogs and snails and heroes.
For the longest time, I was confused about my gender. I thought that perhaps I was supposed to be a boy. I spent many an evening up in one of the mango trees crying because I wanted to be a boy so badly. Then I could do all the things I wanted to, and no one would give me that look I always got, or call me a freak, or snob, or turn their backs on me as if I was unwelcome.
The problem was, of course, I didn't feel like a boy. I was very much a girl.
It took me a long, long time to understand that I wasn't a freak at all. I wasn't supposed to be male. It's just that boys and girls, men and women really aren't as different as society likes to pretend.
This is a realisation that the science is bearing out.
Some people, however, refuse to believe this is the case, giving rise to the above sentiment. I'm not sure why they're clinging to it. But they certainly are, some to the point of threats or violence when women don't meet their pre-conceived notions of womanhood. Engineers were cut down in Montreal by a man who felt they were in a space that they shouldn't belong in. He was "fighting feminism." Because who wants equality of opportunity, right? This is now called The Montreal Massacre. Read about it. It's depressing as fuck. That is one example of so, so many.
Consider the reaction a woman gets when she says she has no interest in getting married (me), or having children at all (friends). If a woman is assertive, she is labelled as bossy (but men are leaders). I have personal experience with the difficulty men have being instructed by a woman, even if she is far more advanced. Why? Because it's not a role that is traditionally feminine.
It seems that today, everywhere you look, grown men are throwing toddler-style tantrums about women doing things they find unwomanly. Why? I highly suspect that they really enjoy the privilege their gender affords them, and aren't entirely secure about that gender. If men and women aren't that different, then what makes them manly?
Not much.
And that's a problem. For them.
Men and women are not dissimilar at all, aside from a few physiological functions (and anatomy to facilitate those functions). It's high time we let that particular trope go.
Men are not from Mars. Women are not from Venus. Men and women are from earth. Time to get the fuck over it.
The second problem I have with the above meme is the phrase "Women were created to do everything a man can't."
Oh for fuck's sake!
First of all, created? Created? Really?!
Secondly, no. Just no. The only thing a woman can do that a man can't is give birth, and even that is not guaranteed. Infertility and gender identity versus biological sex are just a couple of complications to that particular scenario. I don't have time to go into it at the moment. Perhaps I'll tackle it in depth later.
For the record, men are human beings, capable of doing most anything. The phrase "I'm/he's just a man" or "boys will be boys" is a fucking cop-out. It's a get out of jail free card for men. It means they can misbehave and then plead the case of some innate deficiency that comes with the gender.
Bullshit.
Not an excuse.
Sure, if the person in question is a child, we might expect it. But adult men have no business trying to pull this card. They're adults. They should be expected to behave like and take on the responsibilities of one.
But women are naturally more mature! the masses cry.
Yes. Because they have to be. Because it is expected of them. They don't have the leeway we as a society have decided to lend men. Again, it comes down to gender roles, and has nothing to do with any actual deficiencies/surpluses in either gender.
And for the record, the gender roles are as damaging to men as they are to women. Men are ostracised for openly enjoying things society has deemed feminine. A man who enjoys wearing make-up? Likes the feel of a dress? Likes to care for children and would rather stay at home caring for them than go to work? A man who earns less than his female partner?
Gender roles hurt men too, but at least men have perks (larger wages, more opportunities, perceived greater authority and so forth).
Women don't get those perks.
That's why I find the meme so frustrating, and so damaging. It perpetuates roles that keep women on a pedestal most of us don't want to be on, confined to roles we cannot possibly contort ourselves enough to pull it off well.
I certainly couldn't. And it caused me so much grief and anger until I figured it all out.
Let's spare other girls and women from all of that frustration, please. Let's let go of this idea of "uniqueness" for either gender.
Okay?
Now I have non-gendered work to do.
Ciao.
There is so much wrong with this I've decided to take a moment to explain to people who might either agree with the sentiment, or think it's a harmless thing.
Let's start by examining the phrase "women are losing their uniqueness."
First of all, good.
Secondly, women were never that unique, people. They were just boxed in; forced into roles for which many of them were terribly ill-suited, but too afraid of the social repercussions to deviate from. Where laws did not restrict the actions and roles of a women (women died, were arrested, sent to insane asylums and abused in the fight for the vote), strict social control picked up the slack.
Thank heavens I did not live in the 1800s, but I have experienced some of this incredible restriction myself.
Growing up, I was constantly reminded that girls shouldn't like science (thanks grade 8 science teacher... whose name escapes me now, but I remember you were blonde) or maths, they shouldn't have grand ambitions, shouldn't like swords, guns or rough-housing. Gaming is out of the question. Girls should like make up and dresses and they should understand that their ability to attract a mate is the best and only thing about them that makes them worthy.
I felt like such a freak growing up. I wasn't interested in dresses. Make up was boring as fuck. I wanted to game, but couldn't find girls who would game with me, and none of the boys I was on friendly terms ever talked about gaming with me... because I was a girl. I was intensely interested in sword-fighting and dreamt of owning my very own suit of armour; fitted for me. I wanted to be a knight. Or a rogue. Robin Hood was my favourite hero.
But girls aren't allowed to play knight or rogue. We're the princesses.
I have a very distinct recollection of the town fair, which we called "The Show", and I saw the most amazing show bag. It was a bag filled with Robin Hood stuff. A plastic bow with suction cup arrows, a cap with a feather and some other cool stuff (but honestly, it was that bow I wanted). I thought it was the coolest thing ever. I begged my mum for that show bag. Thankfully, she let me have it. As the man handed the bag over the counter, he said, "There you go, little boy."
Because girls are sugar and spice princesses, and boys are dogs and snails and heroes.
For the longest time, I was confused about my gender. I thought that perhaps I was supposed to be a boy. I spent many an evening up in one of the mango trees crying because I wanted to be a boy so badly. Then I could do all the things I wanted to, and no one would give me that look I always got, or call me a freak, or snob, or turn their backs on me as if I was unwelcome.
The problem was, of course, I didn't feel like a boy. I was very much a girl.
It took me a long, long time to understand that I wasn't a freak at all. I wasn't supposed to be male. It's just that boys and girls, men and women really aren't as different as society likes to pretend.
This is a realisation that the science is bearing out.
Some people, however, refuse to believe this is the case, giving rise to the above sentiment. I'm not sure why they're clinging to it. But they certainly are, some to the point of threats or violence when women don't meet their pre-conceived notions of womanhood. Engineers were cut down in Montreal by a man who felt they were in a space that they shouldn't belong in. He was "fighting feminism." Because who wants equality of opportunity, right? This is now called The Montreal Massacre. Read about it. It's depressing as fuck. That is one example of so, so many.
Consider the reaction a woman gets when she says she has no interest in getting married (me), or having children at all (friends). If a woman is assertive, she is labelled as bossy (but men are leaders). I have personal experience with the difficulty men have being instructed by a woman, even if she is far more advanced. Why? Because it's not a role that is traditionally feminine.
It seems that today, everywhere you look, grown men are throwing toddler-style tantrums about women doing things they find unwomanly. Why? I highly suspect that they really enjoy the privilege their gender affords them, and aren't entirely secure about that gender. If men and women aren't that different, then what makes them manly?
Not much.
And that's a problem. For them.
Men and women are not dissimilar at all, aside from a few physiological functions (and anatomy to facilitate those functions). It's high time we let that particular trope go.
Men are not from Mars. Women are not from Venus. Men and women are from earth. Time to get the fuck over it.
The second problem I have with the above meme is the phrase "Women were created to do everything a man can't."
Oh for fuck's sake!
First of all, created? Created? Really?!
Secondly, no. Just no. The only thing a woman can do that a man can't is give birth, and even that is not guaranteed. Infertility and gender identity versus biological sex are just a couple of complications to that particular scenario. I don't have time to go into it at the moment. Perhaps I'll tackle it in depth later.
For the record, men are human beings, capable of doing most anything. The phrase "I'm/he's just a man" or "boys will be boys" is a fucking cop-out. It's a get out of jail free card for men. It means they can misbehave and then plead the case of some innate deficiency that comes with the gender.
Bullshit.
Not an excuse.
Sure, if the person in question is a child, we might expect it. But adult men have no business trying to pull this card. They're adults. They should be expected to behave like and take on the responsibilities of one.
But women are naturally more mature! the masses cry.
Yes. Because they have to be. Because it is expected of them. They don't have the leeway we as a society have decided to lend men. Again, it comes down to gender roles, and has nothing to do with any actual deficiencies/surpluses in either gender.
And for the record, the gender roles are as damaging to men as they are to women. Men are ostracised for openly enjoying things society has deemed feminine. A man who enjoys wearing make-up? Likes the feel of a dress? Likes to care for children and would rather stay at home caring for them than go to work? A man who earns less than his female partner?
Gender roles hurt men too, but at least men have perks (larger wages, more opportunities, perceived greater authority and so forth).
Women don't get those perks.
That's why I find the meme so frustrating, and so damaging. It perpetuates roles that keep women on a pedestal most of us don't want to be on, confined to roles we cannot possibly contort ourselves enough to pull it off well.
I certainly couldn't. And it caused me so much grief and anger until I figured it all out.
Let's spare other girls and women from all of that frustration, please. Let's let go of this idea of "uniqueness" for either gender.
Okay?
Now I have non-gendered work to do.
Ciao.
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