Good morning, Readers!

I don't normally blog Fridays, but since I skipped Tuesday and there's a special event on this weekend, I figured I may as well.

It's just a quick reminder that RenVCon is happening this weekend. I'm on some panels, and there are other brilliant panels that I'm not on that you should probably check out. All the details are here where you can also register, and best of all - it's all completely free!

Right, I have a very full day ahead of me, and I need to get going.

Hopefully see you on the weekend.

​Ciao!

Good afternoon, Readers!

I am on my sixth attempt and creating an expanding circle in chainmaille. It's frustrating that I'm not able to pick it up quicker. But I will get it. I will. I am determined.

I have not been doing much with my time save work on the chainmaille (I WILL get it), and watching shows. I watched Jack Ryan, and very much enjoyed it. I'm looking forward to whenever the next season comes out. At the moment, I'm blasting my way through Lucifer. I'm in two minds about this show. It's very standard cop with civilian tag-along, will they won't they kind of a deal. And there are times when I think the character of Lucifer is a bit... iffy, and then other times when it was absolutely completely nailed. I very much appreciate that they made him bisexual, though.

The show itself is cute, often funny, and very often a tad melodramatic. Still, I'm enjoying it well enough, and there are some scenes that are knocked out of the park, so I shall continue to watch.

Yesterday, however, I did have a lovely interaction with someone online, who queried me initially on the whole EI thing I'm struggling through right now. They bought a book (Human) in the end, and I got word today that they're really enjoying it.

I was really struggling this week keeping myself together. Financial stress, coupled with feeling like a complete failure with my writing and anger at myself over my life choices made for a potent depressive episode. In any case, this lovely interaction and the follow up left me feeling so much better.

And literally just now as I type this, someone contacted me on Twitter to let me know that they just finished Skylark and enjoyed it.

Listen, I'm not saying you have to or you should, but sometimes letting a writer know you liked their stuff can really make or break their day. My whole month has been made.

So, thank you to those who have reached out. I really do appreciate it. It has lifted me up when I needed a boost.

Right, I have more chainmaille to attempt. 

​Ciao!

Good... afternoon, Readers!

So I made a post on Monday about how I was back, and then didn't post at all yesterday.

Oops.

Sorry!

In my defence, I was running around yesterday going to interviews. I'm trying to find a job so I can continue to eat and have a roof over my head. It's stressful, and not great. There aren't a lot of jobs out there, and those that I'm qualified for and think I could do well have a tonne of competition. And then there's the issue of having had too much time to think about what I want from life.

And what I want from life seems impossible.

I want the work on my own schedule, with work that I find fulfilling. HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH! I feel like that is a dream that I shall never achieve.

To that end, I've been applying to literally every administration job I have even the remotest shot at qualifying for. I've had two interviews so far, but I'm not optimistic that they'll result in anything. Further, while I'll be pleased to be working again, I'm not optimistic that I'll be happy.

I'll have to find happiness and fulfilment elsewhere. Which I normally do; what with my writing and now my painting and leatherwork. I just wish I could do so in a way which would support myself.

But, if wishes were fishes we'd all be fed.

Until I get a job, and some stability back in my life, I imagine my mental health will take a beating, as it is currently. Still, I'm here, and I will find my way through... I hope.

Always in the back of my mind are stories of people who didn't make it through. Those who, despite their best efforts, fell through the cracks into destitution. I know that I have family who won't really let that happen, and I'll at least have the very basics taken care of. Thoughts of having to give up Galahad should it ever come to it pop in and out of my mind. Thanks, anxiety. Having to do so would probably destroy me.

It won't get to it, I don't think.

But my minds does travel sometimes.

In the meantime, I'm applying like crazy. I think once November passes, I'll be broadening the search. I like coffee, and coffee houses will hopefully still be open, and hopefully hiring. Maybe I'll be lucky and get to work in that setting and still be able to go to all my martial arts stuff in the evenings and weekends. Maybe I'll be really lucky and will manage to scrape together enough time and energy to write, paint and do my leather craft.

Today, after the stress of interviews (lord I hate them - I hate being the centre of attention and having to mind everything I'm saying) yesterday, and the fact that I managed to give myself an asthma attack - the first in a very, very long time - when I tried to exercise on Monday, I am taking the day off the job search and instead trying to teach myself how to make a circle in chainmaille for a project I want to have done before Christmas.

It's the only day off I'm giving myself. I need a job. I need to get myself settled and employed and feeling secure again. Only then will I be in the right headspace to start writing again.

Wish me luck, folks!

​Ciao!

Good morning, Readers!

It's been a long while, hasn't it?

My apologies for being away for so long. Life was in flux, and I was all over the place. Things haven't quite settled, there are a number of loose ends that require tying up. And life is still flying at me thick and fast, and some of it is to do with my writing stuff, so I can't really not do the blogging thing any longer. I left it for as long as I could.

One of those writing things is the fact that I'm going to be at a virtual convention this weekend. My fabulous publishers, Renaissance Press, are hosting another virtual conference, and I'm in. I'm doing a bit more than a reading this time.  This is my schedule:

Saturday, 24 October

4:00 - 5:00pm
The End
I and a bunch of other brilliant writers discuss writing a satisfying ending, and why that is important. Or not? Who knows! Join the panel to find out!

7:00 - 8:00pm
Building Worlds
Setting tends to become central to the conflict in speculative fiction. But how do we build believable worlds?

Sunday, 25 October

4:00-5:00pm
Writing Gender: A "Cis"temic Problem
What should the role of SFF be in addressing issues of gender? How do we write gender well?

There are some brilliant panels that I'm not on, too.  Check out the full list here, and register for those panels that interest you most.

I'm really looking forward to this, and I hope that I will see you soon. Well, over the internet, in any case.

Right, I haven't had breakfast yet, so I'm going to go do that now.  It feels pretty good to be blogging again. I've missed you.

Ciao!

Good morning, Readers!

I am on hold with Service Canada as I write this (it's actually Monday), trying desperately to update my direct deposit information so I can apply for my CERB replacement. It's a mess. I was told I could do it online when I called over the weekend, but the site is still not functional, so I'm on hold. It will be an hour or so yet, so I'm hoping to get this blog post written and maybe some packing done while I wait.

Laughs. Sobs.

Anyway, I had a post for today. It was a great be long post about how awful I was feeling. What I great failure I was. The mood, still occurring, was brought on by the colossal stress of having no job, no prospects, and being financially stressed, as well as watching all my friends buying houses and or settling into loving relationships. I don't know if I even want a relationship, but I really felt... feel.. I was... am... missing out - failing at another of life's milestones.

I'm still feeling like shit about it all. Normally I feel better when I get it all out of my system. But writing it all down in a blog post as I normally do did nothing to ease the mood as it normally does. All it did was put more negativity out in the world. The world is already so negative. We don't need my moping about to make it worse.

So I deleted that blog post, and am writing this one instead. This is just to let you all know that I might be going dark for a little while. I'll be moving most of my big stuff today, which probably includes my computer. It will take me a bit to get it all moved and set up, so I'm not going to be around, either on my blog or the internet in general. No great loss, I know. I'm not exactly a social media wizard.

I'm not vanishing forever. I'll be back once I'm all moved and set up and stuff. Hopefully that won't be long.

See you all on the other side.

​Ciao!

Good morning, Readers!

Not too long ago, I noticed that the University of Glasgow was offering a Master's in Fantasy, which, frankly, is firkin' amazing, and I would move to Scotland in a heartbeat so long as I had the guarantee of a place to live, and I could bring Galahad with me easily. I researched it anyway, hoping they offered a way to do it distance education; particularly since we're in the age of the 'Rona.

Alas, no.

They do, however, offer a Masters of Literature in Creative Writing, which looks fantastic, and I'd love to do it.

There is, of course, a giant however.

However, they do not offer the course part time for distance education. Which means that I would have to be able to afford full-time international tuition fees and I would not be able to study effectively while working full time, which I'd need to do to have shelter and eat, since I would need the time for my classes and the various forms of assessment necessary to complete the degree. In short, I would need roughly 55287.86CAD to cover tuition and living expenses. This amount does not cover the cost of materials (text books and whatnot).

I'm really quite sad about it. I cannot plunge myself into student debt again. It almost killed me. So a loan is out of the question. I don't think I'd be able to recover financially taking out a loan of that amount at this stage of my life. The scholarships on offer wouldn't cover nearly enough, and I've missed them in any case (if I wanted a January 2021 start).

So, well, there goes that idea.

Lordy, the things I would do if money was no object.

Sigh.

Right, I'm off to dream about impossible things!

Ciao!

Good morning, Readers!

Just a quick blog post to let you all know that I'm still alive and kicking. I've not been doing much save alternating between packing, moping, and stressing out. Moving really is the worst.

I'm also wondering how to try and make it as a freelancer. It seems impossible to me. But so many folks I know do it successfully. Granted, they've got far more marketable skills than I do. So there's that.

Le sigh.

I'm so stressed guys. Not the move, really. I've made peace with that, though I still hate moving and will always complain about that! It's the financial uncertainly that's turning my stomach. Joblessness is by far a worse stressor than moving. If I could just get a job, even a part time one so long as it covers my necessities. A part time retail job won't do it. I can't survive on part time minimum wage. It has to be a better paying job if I'm going to make it.

This train of thought, which I'm sure you're sick of hearing about (try living with it) consumes to better part of my mental and emotional energy. I can't write. I can't draw. Basically all I've managed to do is watch British comedy panel shows (they're usually clever, wry and very funny), play mindless match games on my phone, and cuddle the cat.

I'm really hoping that once I'm settled into the new place, I'll be able to relax a little bit. I know I have EI (though I hate that CERB is ending. So many people still need the help), which will buy me some time, but little comfort... and I think Canada does have a welfare system, which I might need to utilize if things get very desperate.

I've not been on welfare. In Australia, I took advantage of their youth allowance (which I don't even know if they still have. I left Australia a very long time ago). I'm sure that I could scrape by if I was on it here in Canada. But I also don't want to be. I don't want to be counting pennies to see if I can use the washer and dryer in the basement this week, or if I'll have to skip on buying that bread so I can keep clean.  I have no idea how to navigate the Canadian welfare system, and I hope I never find out.

The thought really does a number on me. I'm sure it's not as bad as my imagination is making it out to be. I'm certain I could scrape by... just. But that's not the life I imagined for myself when I was little.

Anyway, I feel like I'm complaining far too much, so I'm going to shut up now and retire to the couch to watch some British telly before heading upstairs to make sure that my bedroom is ready to be moved next week. Bedroom first, then office/studio, then myself and the cat.

Then I'll be settled in and things will be looking better.

Ciao!