Good morning, Readers!

So, I did it. I finally finished the painting I started last year. The one I turned around to face the wall for months because I hated it. That one.

I spent the entirety of yesterday finishing it off. And you know, I don't hate it. I'm not in love with it, but I don't hate it. For the first traditional painting I've done in many years, it's not terrible. It's took me more than a month to finish. Mind you, I was working on it only roughly an hour a day.

Anyway, below is the progression of the painting (starting from after I covered up the clouds that I despised so much).

Fixed the clouds. Debated whether or not to add the highlights, as I really liked the look of these clouds.

Added the highlights. Don't like it as much, but decided to go with it regardless.

Figured out the location and shape of the mountain range and blocked in the base colour. In the concept sketch I filled the valley with a pine forest. But I was far too lazy to paint that, so I made it foggy instead. Because I'm lazy.

Painted in the now-capped mountains and attempted to create a line of light from a weak setting sun. It didn't quite work, but still looked alright. So I left it.

Foreground done. I started off painting everything brown and farting around with paint. It looked like a amorphous blob, so I quit for the day and then, thinking about it all night, decided to do a shale cliff instead. It looked alright.

And then it was the end of the month, and the painting needed to get finished, so I spent literally all of yesterday until roughly 7:00pm painting (while also watching ​Avatar: The Last Airbender) to get it finished. And so here we are. The final form:

This one is a donation (more details to follow when they are revealed). I need to get it photographed properly so I can at least offer prints to sell. It's hard to shoot a fairly large acrylic on canvas in any kind of decent manner. Hopefully, I'll still have the canvas when I have the means to photograph it properly.

​Anyway, it's done. It only took a pandemic for me to get it done.

Right, so I completed my painting on time. But I've got other things that need completing before I can celebrate my accomplishments. So I'm off to go do those things.

​Ciao!

Good morning, Readers!

Image by DarkWorkX from Pixabay ​

Everything I'm doing is taking way more time than I thought it would. My painting, which I hoped to have done y tomorrow is not going to be done by tomorrow.I have so many details to add; scales, trees and grass, shadows and highlights. This after I fixed a couple of mistakes the need fixing. I was hoping to have a picture of it to show you today, but alas, not for a little bit yet. Soon, I hope.

I also hoped to have the manuscript I'm editing done by tomorrow. There is no way. It's not that I haven't been plugging away at it. I have. It's just taking far longer than I thought it was going to. I'm annoyed at myself for not having it done, but I don't want to rush it, either, as that would be doing the manuscript a disservice.

So, I'm starting the week a little stressed. Things I have due are not done, and I'm annoyed at myself for it.

Still dreaming, of course, of somehow finding both financial stability and enough free time to do all the things I want to do.

Not that having free time seems to have helped me stay on schedule.

*grumble*

Still, I'm pretty lucky that I get to do this for now. Even if I'm terribly behind schedule, and really annoyed with myself for it.

Right, I have a lot to be getting done today, so I'm off to go do them.

Ciao!

Good morning, Readers!

There really isn't that much going on with me currently. I'm still doing the work I've agreed to do for folks, learning my French lessons, painting, writing.

I'm also exercising daily. I've been playing Beat Sabre with wrist weights on. the weights aren't huge. Just 2.5lbs. I was hoping to find some 5lb wrist weighs, but couldn't. I guess five pounds is just too much for most folks. Not a lot of demand, I guess.

I'm not particularly good at the game. It's taken me some practice on several songs to graduate from normal to hard. I'm not one of those folks who can hit expert level on the first try and only miss a couple of targets. Hell, I failed a few of them while playing on normal. Still, it's a way to practice my hand-eye coordination, listen to some pretty good music (much of it is not good, though. EDM style stuff isn't my bag, but you can buy songs from Green Day, Imagine Dragons and a few others. I bought the Imagine Dragons pack, and loving it. Come at me. Their music is great. Begging for a Disturbed music pack, though (please PS4)).

Anyway, as far as exercise routines go, it's pretty good. It's a continual mental as well as physical challenge, which is necessary for me.

But this is my life currently. It's not bad, obviously. it's just really not especially thrilling. So, naturally I don't have much to relay to you today. Maybe I'll have something exciting for next week. For this week, though, I've got nothing.

Right, I'm off to try and get things done.

Or maybe not. I've been pretty exhausted from the heat these last week, and I slept in something terrible this morning. I've got to at least try to get things done today.

​Ciao!

Good morning, Readers!

Today's high is supposed to be 22. 22, after a week of 30 or higher, way higher with the humidex, is just going to be heavenly! I can finally turn off the air-conditioner I have in my bedroom, and sleep with some fresh air coming in. The low, you see, will be 13. Just lovely.

The heat and humidity is awful here in the city, and while I appreciate the longer days, and the fun warmth would normally bring, you know, if we were in the plague times, it's just too, too much for my blood.

I was made for colder climes.

I'm too insulated against the cold to be any good in the heat.

I'm a sook.

Anyway, sufficed to say that I'm really, really looking forward to a cooler day. Hyped, even.

The heat makes it incredibly difficult for me to concentrate, so I haven't really been getting much writing done - a smattering here and there. I have been keeping up with my editing, though, since I have someone waiting on me to finish it. And I have been doing my French lessons.

And I've been painting.

I'm almost done the piece I started last year and wanted done before the end of the year. The same piece that I put in the corner of a room facing the wall because my first attempt at clouds looked entirely terrible. I like the sky much better now. i don't think it's great, mind, but I like it better now. I like the mountain much more, and the foreground cliffs look pretty decent too. I have just the subject of the painting left to complete, then I add in the details and the painting will be done. I had given myself until the end of the month to complete it. I might be finished a couple of days early.

Then I shall move back over to my oil painting lessons and finish my first oil painting ever next month. I hope.

I wrote before about how happy I am to return to painting, and I want to reiterate it here. I really am so glad that I returned to painting in general and that piece in particular. Ir's not a spectacular piece, but it's good enough for my skill level that I'm not ashamed of it.

I'll post pictures when I've finished it. Promise.

Right, I have writing and editing and painting and French lessons to be getting on with. Probably some Beat Sabre too so I can pretend I've exercised.

Ciao!

Good morning, Readers!

So, I really don't have all that much to say today. Instead, I thought I'd share with you a project I'm working on and see of anyone is interested in participating.

Basically, I'm uploading videos of authors reading the first chapters of their books, with a link to buy in the description for the authors to use for promos or whatever they like. It's a small, simple way from me to be able to give something to the writing community.

Basically, writers send in a video or audio file of them reading the first chapter and I put it together and upload it. Super simple. Here's the most recent one so you can see what it is:

A video is unnecessary. Most everyone thus far has sent in an audio file. Anyway, if this seems like something you'd like to participate in, feel free to email me.

If you want to save time, send along the audio/video file, an image of the book's cover, and your preferred purchase link.

I'll be happy to put it out for you.

Videos are out usually every Monday, and I'll email you once it's live.

Right, I have a lot to be doing today. I shall see you all tomorrow.

Ciao!

Good morning, Readers!

THIS POST IS SO FULL OF THE LAST OF US PART II SPOILERS, SO STOP READING IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE SPOILT.

​I MEAN IT.

​ALSO, THIS POST IS REALLY, REALLY LONG.

​WHY AM I SHOUTING?

Okay, so, I'm watching a Let's Play of The Last if Us Part II. I know, I know. Yes, I do intend on playing it myself, when I can finally afford to buy it. It'll be a while. Also prior to this, I had deliberately stayed away from all spoilers. I'm experiencing this with the Let's Player (Jacksepticeye, in case you're wondering).

Now, when this time was announced, knowing how few punches were pulled din the first game, I believe my reaction was intense dread. I knew no one was safe.And I knew precisely who they would aim their sights on. I recall railing against it. I believe my exactly words were: "If Joel dies, I riot." But I knew he was a goner. I just knew.

I hate being right.

Joel dies in this game. This came as no surprise to me. It nevertheless really bummed me out. The grief didn't hit as intensely as in the first game, when Joel loses his daughter (oh, the sobbing!). What did get me, was Ellie's quiet grief. The sobs started when she was walking through his house in the settlement, when she went into his closet and buried her face in one of his jackets. I couldn't deal.

I understand that Joel's death is something of an issue of controversy amongst fans. I've read several reasons for this. The first is that fans did not like Joel dying at all, that they wanted the game to be another Joel and Ellie on an adventure game. Another reason I've heard is that the manner of his death was undeserved, wrong, and cheap. The final fanboy hate I've heard comes for the game's ending, which I'm now spoilt for, though we've not quite gotten there in the Let's Play. By that, I mean, we're not anywhere close.

Anyway, I have some thoughts.

First, though, I want you all to know that I am utterly heartbroken. From the moment I watched that section of the game, I was utterly morose. I spent the rest of the day in bed, staring blankly down at my phone, but not really doing anything with it. I did the same the following day. Yesterday. Though I also ate my body weight in ice-cream. When I say I'm heartbroken about Joel's death, understand that I am very much in mourning. I loved Joel.

Joel was a fantastic character, and the amount he grew in the first game; the person he became... All I wanted for him was to enjoy a much calmer, kinder life than he'd had until that point. He almost had it.

But I also am not yet sure that I want to call Naughty Dog out for their story decision. For the first complaint, that fans wanted another Joel to live and for a Joel and Ellie go adventuring game, I think we all know that they were damned if they do, damned if they don't. Yes, Joel and Ellie are an amazing duo. But if Naughty Dog went with that sort of game, they'd no doubt have been roused at for creating something safe and same-y. Also, Joel has done all the growing he could, and Ellie had more growing to do. It makes sense that the game should centre her, and also that Joel needed to be out of the picture for her growth to happen.

Did they need to murder him? I'm unsure. I'm still hurt about it, so it may be impacting my ability to think clearly about narrative. I do, however, feel a little pleased by the fact that they've taken the woman in the fridge trope, and gender swapped it. Because yes, women do want revenge for the loss of a loved one, too. And yes, I think only the death of Joel or someone she loved as deeply would be the only thing that would rip Ellie from her found family in Jackson on a cross-country quest for vengeance. So, Joel was fridged. What's worse is that he and Ellie's relationship was experiencing some trouble. And so Ellie watched her father figure die without patching up their relationship, without saying 'I love you' one last time. Without any kind of preparation or closure. That is what murder is, though. It's opportunities abruptly and suddenly snatched away.

​I honestly wish it was different. I wish Joel was alive, and remained that way for the rest of the game, being a father figure to Ellie and continuing to whittle his beautiful wooden sculptures. Narratively, though, his death does make some sense.

Which is not to say that his death wasn't senseless. More, he was tortured to death. It was violent and came out of nowhere and awful. He was brutally murdered. We don't know why yet. I've not reached that part of the game. It is obvious, however, that his killer travelled across the country on a mission of vengeance against Joel. We can't be too surprised about that, can we? The whole premise of the first game was Joel finding his humanity after being stripped of it all at that start of the cordyceps infection that ended the world. When Joel and his murderer meet, Joel saves her life. That he was repaid the way he was was upsetting and unsettling, but it did show just how much Joel had grown when he would stop to help a stranger. He was a kinder, less selfish man than even at the very beginning of the first game, when he refused to do that much for folks in need.

We learn throughout the first game that Joel was not a good person post-outbreak, and he did some pretty evil things in order for he and his brother to survive. What those things are, exactly, we were never told. But, some of them were so awful that even his brother walked away from him. They were estranged. It's hinted strongly that it was because Tommy couldn't deal with what they were doing.

After Joel's death, Tommy runs off before Ellie to deliver justice on his brother's killers. We feel it's justified. Because we know Joel. We watched him change and grow and become a better man. We saw and understood the trauma that had turned him into a monster. Joel's killer had nothing of the sort. From her eyes, from her perspective, Joel was just a monster. And what happened to him was justice. There would be people on her side, rooting for Joel's death the way so many players are now rabidly screaming for hers.

You see, for all the pain we are feeling, that Ellie is feeling... after everything Joel did before becoming a good man... how many grieving children just like Ellie did Joel create when he was a monster? If we didn't know Joel and instead followed their stories, we might all be cheering on his murderer now.

And before you all come at me, no, torturing someone to death is never, ever justified. Or is it? When Joel tortured David's men, didn't we all feel it was justified? That's different, you might say. He had to save Ellie. Well, it's not that different. The only major difference is we know and love Joel, and we understood why he did it.

The world is never so black and white, and it isn't in this game. It never was that in the first game.

Trauma made Joel a monster. I have no doubt that it made his killer a monster, too. And likely Joel was the reason for her trauma. I suspect I'll find out soon enough.

As for the last complaint that I've heard, the one that spoilt the end of the game for me, is, if true, a really interesting choice. Depending on how it's handled, it has the potential to be incredibly powerful. I hear that, in the end, Ellie doesn't kill Joel's murderer. The muderess gets to go. Alive.

I've seen comments screaming for blood, disappointed that Ellie didn't avenge Joel properly.

If this ending is true, I am actually kinda glad. It would end a toxic cycle; we would live to see Ellie lose her humanity in the same way Joel and his killer both had. Joel redeemed himself, in our eyes at least. His killer may yet. Who knows? She's young yet. Sarah's murder made Joel a monster. Something happened to his killer, probably at his hands, that made his murderer a monster. Were Ellie to exact the same kind of revenge, she, too, would be a monster. If it's true that she does not, then I feel like it's the right move, and a way of honouring the man Joel became, and the way he raised her.

She did what Joel was not strong enough to, what his killer could not. She chose humanity.

If indeed it happened.

Of course, even if it did happen, this is all speculation. It might be that the writing is terribly poor, and there's some bullshit that happens that permits Joel's killer to live, and it's not a deliberate choice on Ellie's part. Then I think we have a right to yell at the top of our lungs about shoddy writing. 

But there is a great deal of potential in this ending, and I'm actually looking forward to it.

If it does happen.

Anyway, I've been doing a lot of thinking while I was grieving Joel these past two days as I was lying in bed, sobbing. I had to work through a lot, and I seem more able to do that in writing. Quelle surprise. You're absolute champions for making it thus far. Thanks a tonne for letting me rant and get the thoughts swirling around my head out. I really needed an outlet.

Now I'm going to go off and imagine an alternate universe where Joel gets to live to a good old age, spending his autumnal years whittling and surrounded by loving friends and family. And probably crying.

Ciao!

Good morning, Readers!

On Tuesday afternoon, I went for a run. This proved to be a mistake. It wasn't actually all that hot, I though, it hovering around the 27C mark. I mean, it's hot, but it's not hot hot, you know? Anyway, I went for a run.

First, let me admit publicly that my cardio needs a lot of work.

But also, running when it's almost 30C out is apparently enough to give me heat stroke. Like, full-on nausea, would have benefitted from an ice bath, found a lukewarm shower a cool enough to shiver kind of heat stroke. It was the nausea and powerful headache that really ruined me.

It ruined me so much that yesterday I spent all day in bed. I attempted to get up, deciding that I should try to be productive, but also, because I still had a headache, and just skip my workout today. I didn't last. I managed breakfast, posted a little bit on my socials, did some French and then crashed. I spent the whole day in bed. I wasn't always sleeping, but I did snooze a lot.

I woke up properly at around 4:30pm or so. I stayed in bed until I needed to eat, ate, then returned to bed for a little bit.

I was a wreck.

Look, I know I don't deal well with the heat, but this was just awful. I think that for the rest of the summer, I'll save any running until the sun is well and truly on its way down, and maybe just use my scheduled workout time during the day for something else. Like painting. I missed my painting time yesterday. I have some catching up to do.

In happier news yesterday, I have acquired an actual miao dao. Think basically an oversized katana. It's combat steel, which means it's a nice weight, with a beautiful wooden handle and scabbard. I am really thrilled to add this weapon to my collection, and I'm really looking forward to training with it.

Next on my list is a proper combat steel niu wei dao (oxtail sabre/Chinese broadsword).

With these 'real' swords plus my wrist weights for when I play Beat Sabre, I hope to come out of this isolation time with arms to envy. Also, the stamina to swing a sword for a few hours on end.

And also a new tattoo. Ahem.

Anyway, I have a new sword (to me... it belonged to my kung fu brother, but he found it was just taking up space), and I'm really feckin' thrilled with it.

That is all. I have a lot of work to be catching up on today.

​Ciao!