Good morning, Readers!

I'm over at Black Gate today, talking about things that have helped me write.

As many creatives these days, it feels like the world is getting harder and harder to create in; so much tragedy, hatred, anger and inhumanity filling up the airwaves. Couple that with an uncertain future for many of us, who have been furloughed from our jobs due to the pandemic. It’s hard to get creative when the stress of trying to ensure we have a roof over our heads and food in our bellies is taking up so damned much of our physical, emotional and mental energy.

For many, what was once difficult — creating — is now almost impossible. I know I’ve been struggling a great deal with it, and based on the chatter I’m hearing from my friends and creative circles, I’m not the only one.
I have good days and terrible days, but I’ve managed to pull myself along in my creative work, and I figured I’d tell you how. Maybe it’ll help you get work done, too.
​
This, of course, comes with the usual caveat that all advice, especially as it pertains to any creative endeavour, should be taken with the largest possible grain of salt. What works for one person won’t work for everyone, or perhaps anyone else.

Good morning, Readers!

Okay, week two of my new schedule has begun. I have, thus far, done the things I was supposed to. Including writing and scheduling this post last night. I'm able to do so because I live in Canada, and they've been really good about making sure that I have a safety net. Granted, it's not perfect, and a lot of people aren't being looked after. I am one of the lucky ones.

To be honest, I do miss work, and I really hope I can get back to it soon. There are some things, though, I will miss a lot when I got back to work.

Namely, I will miss being able to paint for an hour or so during the day whenever I feel like it. Of course, I will have my evenings and weekends (when I'm not training or teaching martial arts) to do that. And I really, really like having the security of a regular job. I am looking forward to going back, and I hope that there won't be a second wave that shuts everything down again.

Wear your damned masks and wash your damned hands, folks. You're making it harder for everyone else.

Until I'm back at work, though, I will continue to paint during the day. Today, I have schedule two hours to work on my current painting. I'm feeling pretty good about how it's going currently. On the painting agenda today, I'm going to make the mountain ranges I blocked in last time look severe and snowy, and then make the base of the mountain misty and mysterious. If I manage to do that in good time, I can also block in the foreground elements. I was aiming to finish this painting at the end of the month, and I'm so far on track.

The painting is reserved for friends, if they want the thing. If they don't maybe I'll sell it or something. I mean, I haven't anywhere to put it, so selling it seems to be the thing to do.

One day, when I'm wealthy from my book sales (LOLLLLLLL!), I will have a house that has an art studio.

And a workshop for my woodworking and leather carving.

And an armoury for my collection of weapons.

And stables, for my horses.

...

A castle. I will have a castle.

Kidding.

A manor.

Anyway, I'm feeling really happy to be painting currently, and I will miss it.

But lordy, I want the stability of a job. It's making me antsy, this uncertainty. I'm really looking forward to the day I can return. I hope it's relatively soon. It's sort of a weird place to be - desirous of freedom but craving a job all the same. What I really need is to devise a way to maintain both a steady income and my freedom to pursue my interests.

​Somehow.

Right, I have a lot to do, so I'll leave it here. I hope you're all well.

​Ciao!  

Good morning, Readers!

I cannot believe that in 2020 we are rehashing the same spurious arguments trying to justify the denying of rights from trans people for no good reason that were levelled against LGB folks. But here we are.

For fuck's sake.

In case you're unsure where I stand, let me make it extremely clear for you:

Trans women are women.
Trans men are men.
Trans rights are human rights.

Now that's out of the way, I want to address one of the arguments that I've heard bandied about in particular.

That trans women somehow put cis women at risk. Somehow. Despite the fact that there is literally zero evidence that equality initiatives lead to more assaults in public restrooms.

Listen, I'm a woman who exists in this world. I know what it's like being a woman in this world. I know the fear of walking across an abandoned parking lot in the evening. I know the checklist of precautions we must take when going out at any time of the day; the restrictions in our activities based on time and company (or lack thereof) that men simply do not ever have to think about it.

I have been catcalled.

I have been followed.

I have been groped at bars.

I am a rape survivor.

I know this fear intimately; this price that society has declared is acceptable for simply existing as a woman.

But here's the thing: trans women weren't responsible for any of it. Do you know who catcalled me and made me feel unsafe? Who followed me for five blocks, and only stopped when he spied a patrol car? Who groped me at bars? Who assaulted me? Cis men.

Trans folks are not the danger. The danger is cis men who've been told all their lives that they're entitled to whatever they want whenever they want. That's the danger.

So why do some people insist on punishing trans women because they're afraid of cis men? What kind of nonsense is that? Why do some people insist on denying trans women rights because they're afraid of what cis men do?

I know how hard it is to be a woman in the world. Trans women face all of that, and far, far worse. The violent bigotry that they have to cope with every day in addition to all the bullshit that accompanies being a woman in this world... It is beyond my comprehension that any woman would look at what a trans woman must navigate in her life and not feel the deepest, most complete empathy and bond with them. That some folks would think that a woman wanting to pee in peace is somehow a threat to either them or their hard-fought rights.

Rights are not fucking pie. You don't lost yours because some group you don't belong to gets theirs.

You are not protecting women by denying trans women. You're putting women in danger, invalidating them and their experiences, denying their very personhood because of your incorrect notions of a gender binary essentialism you've subscribe to like it's a fucking religion.

I am just... I'm angry right now about this whole fucking mess that's been the focus of my twitter feed of late. I'm done. I'm sick of it.

I refuse to let anyone use my trauma as an excuse to visit trauma on another group of folks. I refuse to lay the blame of my trauma at the feet of anyone save those who are responsible.

Trans folks weren't the cause of my trauma.

You can't deny rights to people because you're irrationally afraid of them.

To the trans folks in my life, I want you to know that I love you. You are valid. I will walk with you.

As part of my return to a high school schedule, in an effort to ensure that I get all the things done that I want to, I'm revisiting a painting I started last year. I got as far as the under-sketch, attempted to paint the sky, and go so disheartened at my lack of skill, I immediately stopped and put the canvas and easel away. I haven't touched it since last November.

I even flipped the canvas around, so I wouldn't have to look at the miserable attempt at a stormy sky.

Still, that miserable attempt haunted me. That turned around canvas irritated me.

I didn't really realise just how much it bothered me until I restarted the piece this week. As part of my new schedule and setting myself assessment (as it were; really it's just imposing deadlines for things I want to get done. you know, like adults do), I aim to turn in a new painting every month this year. This goal will, of course change, when (hopefully) I return to work, but I hope to get as close to it as possible nevertheless.

Anyway, the first painting I've decided to do was the one I started more than six months ago. It's due at the end of the month, which means I have just about three weeks left to get it done. Tuesday was the first day I picked up may paints in a long, long time. With a nearly two-hour block set aside for painting, I used the entire time to fix the sky.

It worked. The look of the sky improved a great deal. It looked like a stormy sky, instead just a random smearing of greyish paint with some childish attempt at a cloud. I was surprised and not a little proud of myself, I'm not going to lie.

But the best part happened during clean up, as I was washing my paintbrushes and palette in the sink. That familiar, subtle smell of acrylic paint hit my nose. Instantly, I was transported back to high school art class. It was one of the few places I felt content. It was a place where I felt I could stretch and grow and be myself without fear of judgement or torment. In art class, I was encouraged to bury myself in the things I found fascinating. I was encouraged and engaged, and aided when I needed it - without ridicule.

Mr. Turier did not shun me or roll his eyes at me when I put up my hand to answer a question, because I read ahead the night before, like my science teacher did. He didn't lecture our class about what terrible, lazy good-for-nothings we were, as my chemistry teacher did (he was also my physics teacher... which I dropped).

No, in art, experimentation and deviation, exploration of our own particular strengths was encouraged. Conformity, beyond sticking to the loose parameters of our assignments, was not required.

Gods, art class and reading. Without them, I don't think I'd be around anymore.

Anyway, the smell of acrylic paint brought that all back; a great rush of all the happy feelings I associated with my time in that studio. Bright memories shining in the gloom of what was my general high school experience.

It felt a little how I imagine falling in love must be.

Tuesday night, I went to bed feeling incredibly happy. Not only had I fixed what was a terrible first attempt, but I rekindled my love of painting, of creating art pieces.

I don't know if the painting will be any good in the end. That remains to be seen. Yesterday, I added some brighter colours so it looked a little less like nighttime, and I don't think it looks as good... Maybe once everything else is done it'll look more cohesive. Having a stunning piece is not the point, though. The point is the creation, and the love.

A high school schedule is exhausting (I took a long nap yesterday afternoon, and remember sleeping a great deal while in high school, too), but I'm so, so glad that I challenged myself with it.

Right, these blog posts are now written the night before, for my 'homework.' So now I must go and practice my guitar. This will be posted on my site first thing in the morning. Who knows when I'll get around to posting it on my social media.

Until then, then!

Ciao!

Good morning, Readers!

I was, as many of you know, away for the weekend, which meant that I wasn't nearly as active on social media as I usually am... which isn't a whole lot, comparatively speaking. I mean... I don't understand how some folks manage to be online so much. That's a lot of work! I'm in awe.

Anyway, on the rare time I checked my email, I found one brave (/sarcasm, in case anyone was curious) soul had commented on a blog post of mine from two years ago. The post was two years ago. The comment was recent. They had something constructive to say, that really made me think. Just kidding. They were trolls without a point or purpose. The comment itself read:

Which, I mean... okay.

I figured that, now that I'm done snickering, I should welcome new readers of this blog, and sort of outline what it's all about. You know, so they don't get disappointed.

This is my public journal. I use these blog posts to keep anyone who wants to bother finding out up to date on what I'm doing and thinking. As a writer, most of it is about my writing - what I'm up to, how well I'm doing, or not What project I'm working on, and whether or not I've hit any roadblocks or breakthroughs. Sometimes, I talk about other things, like martial arts, or body issues. Sometimes I talk about the big issues, like what it's like to be demi-sexual in a world obsessed with sex. Sometimes, I talk about things that have outraged me.

Like my post last week, which honestly didn't have all that much to say except that BIPOC lives matter.

I sometimes report on new experiences, like the first time I went to a Pow-Wow (which was fucking fantastic, by the way).

The point is, this blog is pretty much anything I want to write about on any given day. It's a snap shot of me.

The beauty of blog posts is that it isn't in folk's faces. I'm not emailing them with reams of unwanted news that they have to slog through and feel compelled to respond to. They can choose or not to read, which the very brave anonymous commenter noted themselves. They can choose to comment or not on the information I present. It boggles the mind and makes me laugh that folks would choose to read something and then complain that they read it in a comment.

*pauses to snicker more*

​But honestly, that's what this blog is all about. Some of the things are terribly boring because, let's be real, my life isn't terribly exciting. And actually, if you're really interested in my having something interesting to say, I would suggest you pick up one or more of my books. I have a tonne to say there. And they're usually big issues.

I suggest you start with Skylark, published by Renaissance Press. You can find buy links here. There, I talk about how following orders isn't always the right course. Sometimes, you've got to go rogue to do what's right. Relates pretty hard to our current situation, actually.

As some friendly advice, if you're not interested in my life, maybe skip this blog and keep to the books. And if you feel the urge to tell me how uninteresting you find me, by all means, I guess. I mean, I don't particularly care, but if you need to try and tear someone down to make yourself feel superior, sure. Go ahead. Better me than someone who might care what you think and take it personally.

For now, though, I have to go practice my guitar.

​Ciao!

Good morning, Readers!

This weekend just past I participated (as well as I was able) in an online convention organized by the spectacular folk at Renaissance Press. It was the first and thus far only convention I've been to that was online. Granted, I wasn't on any panels, which I don't begrudge in the least. I didn't feel that I was particularly qualified to be on any of those panels, being as how I'm cis, het (romantic, anyway)  white woman.

I also didn't much participate in the discussion happening on Discord, either. For a couple of reasons. The primary reason being that I did not feel all that qualified to answer many of the questions (I jumped in when I felt I had something to contribute... which was not often), and it would be better if other voices were heard for other questions.

I was also out of town for the weekend. This would not have been a problem, as despite being out of the city, my internet usually works. Unfortunately, there was a series of storms that knocked out the internet where I was for the better part of the weekend. I was quite miffed about it, particularly Saturday, because my good friend Eric was launching a new book, and I desperately wanted to be there for that.

Grumble.

However, that said, it truly was a really fun event, and it was quite the experience taking things online. I really enjoyed it, and I think Renaissance Press did a fantastic job with it alll. I'm so grateful that, despite everything going on, there's a place for folks like me to hang out with wonderful folks like them.

By the by, the book my friend Eric launched on Saturday is A Case of Synchronicity which is the third book in his Baker City Mysteries series, and I couldn't be more proud of him. My friends are stupid talented. Buy the book here.

​So, I would like to thank Renaissance Press for putting on such a great event, and I'd like to thank all the panellists and guests for making it wonderful and inclusive and fun. I know that there were a lot of panels I was hoping to check out, and I'm super excited that Renaissance will be releasing them on their YouTube channel for us to view whenever we want.

Anyway, it was great, and I hope to be able to participate in other online events like this in the future.

Right, I'm currently on day two of my 'school' schedule, and will be in French 'class' when this goes live. So you probably won't see it until I hit morning tea time at around 10:30am. Hopefully I managed to get my arse going on time.

There's work to be done, so I have to go.

​Ciao!

Good morning, Readers!

Just for context, I wrote this blog post Thursday afternoon last week, because I was headed out of town for the weekend, and writing and scheduling blog posts has become my 'homework' on 'school nights' according to my new schedule. I did it Thursday instead of Sunday night also because I was headed out of town for the weekend, and I wanted to have all my homework done and dusted so I didn't have the stress of it hanging over my head and making my free time less enjoyable.

If you remember, I set up a school schedule loosely based on my interests, the work I already do, and the need for some sort of structure in my currently aimless, jobless life. Lord I hope I can return to work soon. Or, you know, win the lotto. Hah!

Anyway, it's the first day, and I've already screwed it up. In that I am away this morning, on my way in from out of town, meaning I will miss the first two lessons. Basically, I will be rocking up to school at morning tea. Oh well! After morning tea, I have a double period of creative writing, then after lunch, I have editing and my weekly music lesson.

Hopefully, I will be in a organised enough to go out for a walk in the afternoon.

If I'm really on top of things, I will be training my martial arts Monday, Tuesdays and Thursdays after 'school.'

I'm most looking forward to Tuesdays, as I have a double period of art.

Unlike high school, though, in which I recall having Phys. Ed. less than three times a week, I have scheduled a Phys. Ed. class every day of the week except Sunday (and Saturday is actually me leading a class or four for the day, so it hardly counts). I think that at least two of those classes will be spent on something gentler than weightlifting (which I plan to do) and running (which I also plan to do). I'm thinking I'll make it yoga or gentle stretching for those sessions. I've been reading a lot about training, and how much is too much, and I'm thinking that I should maybe scale back a bit on the training I used to do.

So, today is the first day of my 'term' of school. I'm actually pretty excited as of the writing of this blog post.

I know the return to a high-school-like schedule is a bit silly, but it's honestly the only way I can see for me to get done the things I need/want to get done without trying to juggle schedules, eating, sleeping, and working all in my head. It's my way of ensuring that I make the time for all the things I want to do. It required taking a full workload of... uh... seven classes. Okay, so a bit more than a full workload. Hm. I will have to reconsider my workload in the future, I think.

In case you're curious, my week looks like this:

Those teeny gaps between classes in the blocks are for getting off my seat and stretching for five minutes. I plan on replacing the 'Editing' with scheduled reading/catch up/rest time when I have nothing to edit. It will effectively become my 'spare,' as it were. The Editing blocks on the weekend will disappear until the next time I have something to edit.

Last week, when I declared this to be my plan, I mentioned that I'd give myself assignments. They're really just things I'm already doing, and they're things that I will be working on (mostly... art and music are exceptions as I'm actually taking online classes for those) during the day. They're not extra-curricular, as they were in high school, easing up my homework burden substantially.

In fact, the only extra-curricular homework-type work I have will be my music practice and writing and scheduling these blog posts, and my video-editing projects (which may also go in one or two of the editing blocks once I'm done with the manuscripts I'm currently working through)... and also the Black Gate Magazine posts, which I haven't got scheduled during the day... They might also take up an editing block or two, once I finish that work.

But even as it is, I have scheduled nine different assignments due this month. Most of them are very doable in an evening, only two are definitely long-term projects. Still, I look at all the assignments, and recall my time in high school, in which nine assessments a month would have been a little excessive, but actually not all that far off the actual workload, considering that I didn't have the day to work on my assignments. I was in class. Learning things. The assignments were extra.

Wow, I wrote an awful lot about not that much. I'm just really curious about whether or not this will work for me. As I share pretty much everything with you, I'll definitely let you know. Whether you want to know or not.

Anyway, this post is scheduled to go up on my website at 9:00am exactly Monday morning, but probably won't be shared on my socials until much later. Right, I have to go and prepare more for the weekend... which would be over by the time you're reading this. Yay for pre-scheduled blog posts!

​Ciao!