Things continue to get darker here on the show, and I'm loving it.

Where we are to date - the heirs of the cultivator clans have been surrendered to the Wen clan for indoctrination. LWJ was had his leg broken by Wen X when he was captured, surrendering himself and the Yin Iron fragment to Wen Ruohan in order to save the Lan Clan disciples. Half his home has be razed to the ground.

The Wen Clan now has three fragments of the Yin Iron.
​
Jiang Cheng and WWX are there also, WWX volunteering to go, as he is not an heir and so didn't have to. He's a cheeky buggar, and was punished by a long night stay in a prison cell with a giant hungry dog. He was helped, however, by Wen Ning and Wen Qing, who are decent people, even if they belong to the Wen Clan.

That's pretty much all you need to know now. On with episode thirteen.

Once again, we start where we left off, WWX offering to carry LWJ, who has but one response.

"Boring."

Knowing LWJ isn't going to let him help, WWX animates a paper doll and uses it to surreptitiously ask Wen Qing, who is accompanying them on the night hunt, to find a way to make it so LWJ can get some rest. Wen Qing, being an absolute queen, halts the whole troop and without batting an eye tells them they will get a drink and some rest here. Just like that. This, despite already having been threatened by Wen Ruohan for helping LWJ and WWX the last time. Wen Qin is a queen.

For her help, Wen Chao threatens her again. She acts like he's overthinking when he's absolutely right.

Meanwhile, WWX very sweetly gets water for his injured beau. LWJ barely gets a drink before Wen Chao has everyone up and moving again. His particularly bossy lady-friend Flirty McBitchface tells everyone to search for a cave. It's then we find out that she was the handmaiden of Wen Chao's first wife. Wow, you two. Wow.

As it turns out, no one can find the cave, but WWX seems to have spider senses, and sends a talisman across the water, revealing a cave. The twerp. He should have just let it be and they could've had a long and fruitless search, but stayed out of trouble, more or less.

So, into the cave they go.

Well, don't they come to a steep drop off. So naturally, because he's a dick, Wen Chao pushes WWX down in order to see how far it goes. Injured, but alive, WWX gets up to find the rest of the cultivators coming down the side on ropes. It results in a touching moment of almost-camaraderie.

The group moves forward until they come to an underground lake. A dead end.

Wen Chao and his cronies join them and Wen Chao, certain that the beast that he'd intended to find was here somewhere, decides to use one of his hostages as live bait. Jin Zuxian once again stands up to Wen Chao, protesting the decision at all, noting that Wen Chao would leave them there to die.

Flirty McBitchface decides that she wants Mianmian to be the live bait, and the cultivators close ranks, including the injured LWJ, who helps put down a couple of lesser Jin cultivators who tried to go for Mianmian (presumably to save themselves). WWX notes to his brother that given the situation, they might mot be able to stay out of trouble after all.

AND FIGHT!

Given that the hostages were relieved of their swords, they do extremely well, fighting against the Wen Clan cronies. I'm particularly impressed with Jiang Cheng, who held up well against Wen Chao's bodyguard. And can I just say, the stony face of LWJ as he fights is equal parts impressive and amusing. I may have giggled.

During the fight, WWX recites one of the principles of the Wen Clan at Wen Chao. You know, the whole, "Those who do evil shall be executed" thing. Wen Chao doesn't recognize it and calls it out as bullshit, which amuses WWX, who notes that it was laid down by a Wen Clan ancestor, and the price for disrespecting one of those is, uh, well, death.

Then WWX takes Wen Chao as hostage and jumps to a rock that's sticking out of the lake.  Turns out that rock is not a rock at all, but a water snek of some kind.

Apparently snek thing can't see too well.

Wen Chao, being a dumb fuck, screams, and WWX is forced to toss him back to shore, and it's about then that I realized that the snek is not a snek at all. It's a damned tortoise. A slaughter tortoise. Remember way back in episode I've forgotten already when Lan Yin mentioned the first wielder of the Yin Iron, Xue Chonghai had a pet slaughter tortoise? Yeah...

Anyway, there's now a fight against the tortoise, but not before Flirty McBitchface decides to get some damage in on Mianmian. She heats up a brand (where the fuck did they find a brand, and why, if it wasn't found, did they bring it along?) and goes for Mianmian's face. But WWX, being himself, dives between and gets his chest branded instead. Cool. Smells like an infection, probably.

The Wen's escape the pond, Wen Qing having to be dragged away, protesting the entire time. And then, for some reason, they cut the fucking ropes behind them and blockade the entrance to the cave. Bastards. The hostages discover this and despair.

But LWJ comes to the rescue. With what? Maple leaves. No, seriously, maple leaves. There were maple leaves in the water. They must have gotten there by some kind of tunnel, and if they got in, perhaps the cultivators could get out. So, they form a plan. WWX will distract that slaughter tortoise with fire while Jiang Cheng goes to find the potential escape route and checks it out.

That works, and Jiang Cheng reports back that there is a tunnel, it does lead out, and it's large enough to take them all through, five or six at a time. So, the plan is to continue distracting the tortoise with fire while everyone escapes.

Problem, the tortoise figures out how to put out the fire, meaning WWX is forced to distract it in person. He does so, telling everyone else to get out. Naturally, LWJ, injured though he is, stays to fight the tortoise with WWX. Jiang Cheng leaves, but only reluctantly, telling his brother that he'll be back to save him.

The hostages make their escape, and LWJ and WWX escape into a side cavern where the tortoise can't get at them. What follows is a sweet bonding scene, in which WWX nurses LWJ's many wounds. It has plenty of humour, like, for example, LWJ's gay panic as WWX hurriedly tries to undress LWJ, and when that doesn't work, starts to undress himself.

It was all a ruse, though, to get LWJ to vomit up the blood that was making him unwell. In the fighting, WWX lost most of the poultice Wen Ning gave him, but he uses what he has to treat LWJ. LWJ takes some and smashes it onto WWX's burn, and jokes (JOKES!), "You're welcome."

A lovely bonding moment happens in which WWX talks about men having scars and besides, now Mianmian will remember him forever. LWJ gets a little huffy, and WWX asks if he likes Mianmian. The, "Bitch, are you blind?" face LWJ pulls is just... *chef's kiss*

It's here that LWJ reveals that the Lan Clan cannot come to their rescue as WWX surmised they might. The Cloud Recesses have been burnt. When WWX enquires after his uncle, Lan Qiren, LWJ notes he was badly injured. When WWX enquires after his brother, Lan Xichen, LWJ reveals that he is missing.

Then, it being bedtime and his life so fearfully regimented growing up, LWJ falls asleep. WWX guesses it must be around nine o'clock.

And this is where we end the episode.

What I Liked

I adored Wen Qing this episode. Showing her helping WWX out, even after she'd been threatened, proves just how good and brave this girl is. Sure, her courage isn't the bravado of WWX, and remains largely uncelebrated, but I'd like to point out that if she didn't help WWX out against he giant dog in the dungeon, he'd be dead and this would be a much shorter series. Courage doesn't always roar like a lion, and Wen Qing is a goddess. Fight me.

I also really liked seeing Jiang Cheng fight so well against Wen Zhuliu (the bodyguard). The poor lad doesn't get many hero moments in this series, and this was definitely one of them.

In fact, the fight choreography in this was pretty damned good.  Mostly.

What Could Have Been Better

So... the fight with the murder tortoise was a little goofy. I feel like the choreographers have no idea what the CGI animal will be doing, and so compensate with a lot of wire work and unnecessary spins, somersaults and twirls in there to make it look hectic and scary.

Oh! And also, once they're in the cave, WWX goes to get something to help treat LWJ's injured leg and comes back with a whole-ass tree. Like, surely if that thing exists down there, there's a perfectly decent escape point that you have access to, no? It made me laugh. Both times.

Still, the series is awesome and I'm loving it still. Next week, MOAR SLAUGHTER TORTOISE!

Monday!

It's the beginning to get really bad.

Honestly, the flashback arc is my favourite, for what will become obvious reasons to those who know me.

We start off by briefly revisiting the command for the hostages (because that's what they are now) to give up their swords. No one moves, so the soldiers are instructed to confiscate them. WWX, wanting to keep his promise to not make trouble, is the first to give up his weapon. Jiang Cheng follows, them LWJ, the Niece Huaisang. The young peacock Jin Zuxian refuses - the only one brave enough to do so - and almost starts a fight, but is eventually convinced to turn the weapon over by Mianmian. Then they're all given a book of Wen proverbs and glories they're to memorise during their indoctrination. There is much eye-rolling.

Cut to Wen Qing and her brother Wen Ning. Wen Ning asks after WWX, wondering if they're at the indoctrination. His sister tells him that they'll never be friends and to stay away from WWX and LWJ. Wen Ning protests. WWX is a nice person, and he saved Wen Ning's life. Wen Qing does not budge.

Back at the housing, WWX is actually reading the proverbs while Jiang Cheng unpacks. He notes the hypocrisy of the Wens, as one of their tenets is that no one should "do evil. Evildoers will be executed and decapitated, their heads displayed as a warning." He notes that if that were true, the Nightless City would have more heads on pikes than pigs. Meanwhile, Jiang Cheng finds the comb he had bought for Wen Qing back when they were both students in the Cloud Recesses. He asks after Wen Qing, and WWX notes that they'll probably not be able to see her. The Wen Clan is so petty. That's how he makes the realization that something isn't right - why would the Wen Clan only bring LWJ from the Cloud Recesses. Something terrible must have happened. He runs to the door to go speak with LWJ, and that's how they discover they're actually prisoners. Two guards at the door. They can go nowhere and are not permitted to speak to one another.

Day two of the indoctrination, and LWJ, WWX and Jin Zuxian are called on to begin reciting the Wen Clan proverbs. LWJ states he cannot. So too does Jin Zuxian. WWX eagerly and cheerfully volunteers. AND THEN BEGINS RECITING THE 3000 RULES OF THE LAN CLAN.

When stopped, he plays dumb and pretends he got it all confused. Wen Chao punishes all three cultivators for failing to recite the Wen principles. This was WWX's plan. He needed to be able to get close enough to LWJ to talk to him and find out what happened.

At the punishment, though, LWJ isn't speaking. Not to WWX. Not to anybody. So, in order to try and get him to talk, WWX grabs LWJ on the shoulder, and his hand is immediately whipped by Wen Chao, who shows up. He demands to know what WWX and LWJ were whispering about. WWX tell him they were whispering about how the dung they have to shovel smells just like Wen Chao.

Well, of course Wen Chao tries to whip him, but WWX catches it, and tells Wen Chao, "Don't test me."

So of course Wen Chao's guards tie him up, and Wen Chao tries to whip him again. This time, LWJ throws himself in the way. and his broken leg gets hit. Fucking ouch.

WWX gets whipped once, and this time Jin Zuxian even speaks up for him. Wen Chao tries to whip WWX once more, but this time LWJ catches the whip and pulls it out of Wen Chao's grasp. He doesn't say anything. He just stares coldly at Wen Chao. Wish I could find the .gif of that. Deciding this just isn't on, Jin Zuxian stops what he's doing and comes to WWX side, too. Am I starting to like this peacock? Am I?

Wen Chao concludes that WWX must have been trying to glean information about the location of LWJ's fragment of the Yin Iron, noting that the Wen Clan has it, because LWJ gave it up. Further, Wen Chao says that Xue Yang doesn't have the fourth fragment, and doesn't know where it is. If he doesn't know, then it must be that WWX has hidden it somewhere. WWX tells him to get serious. Wen Chao commands his guards to take WWX to the dungeon. LWJ puts himself between the guards and WWX again, but WWX ends up going voluntarily.

This was a mistake. As it turns out, WWX's cell has a guest already. A giant black dog. Remember, WWX is terrified of dogs, and this one is giant and mean. Wen Chao tells him that if he survives the night, he will consider WWX's punishment complete.

And if not, well, that was your own damned fault for being such a smart-ass.

Well, RIP WWX. Just kidding. But almost.

​We cut to 

It looks a little goofy, but I do admire the use of practical effects here.

Anyway, we cut to Jiang Cheng, who demands of his room guards to know where his brother is. There's almost a fight, but then Wen Qing shows up and dismisses the guards. There's quite a sweet moment between them. It's clear that Jiang Cheng has quite the crush on her. They ask each other in unison where Wei Wuxian is, and Wen Qing realizes where he must have been taken. She turns to leave. Jiang Cheng stops her and asks if Wen Ruohan was harsh on her. She says instead that she'll do her best (to help Wei Wuxian, it is heavily implied).

Poor Wei Wuxian is being savaged by the dog, but then - three darts! And the dog falls asleep. WWX recognizes the pins and knows Wen Qing was the one responsible. Then Wen Ning shows up and gives WWX some medicine - pills to stabalise and restore his golden core (the magical centre that makes him a cultivator) and some poultice to apply externally.

He's such a sweet young man. I love Wen Ning. What a cinnamon roll.

Having survived, WWX is returned to the indoctrination classes, but not before he challenges Wen Chao to a duel, despite looking (and probably feeling) like death. Once back with his peers, Wen Chao makes some announcements. The Lan Clan is considered rebels, and Nie Mingjue has sided with them. When Nie Huaisang demands to know what happened to his brother, Wen Chao heavily implies that he was killed in a clash.

Then Wen Chao threatens the Jiang Clan, calling the Clan Leader (Jiang Cheng's father) a coward, saying he can't wait to invade Yumeng. In a twist, WWX is forced to restrain his brother, who's temper threatens to make him do something rash that would cause problems.

We return to Wen Ning and Wen Qing, where it is revealed that Wen Qing knows that Wen Ning stole some of her medicines to give to WWX. She rather hypocritically tells Wen Ning that he's not to try and help them ever, and Wen Ning fires back at her that she was the one who taught him the Wen Clan should not turn their back on those who have saved them.

Wen Qing tells her brother that he is the only family she has left.

​The following day, while the cultivators are unenthusiastically reading the Wen Principles out loud, except LWJ, who isn't even looking at his paper. He's just brooding silently. As he does. Wen Chao is informed that there is a problem near one of the mountains that the Wen Clan cultivators have been unsuccessful in resolving. He decides to use his hostages as a meat shield and take them all on a night hunt.

Off they go. Wen Chao is sharing his horse with a young lady, and there is a whole lot of PDAs happening there. Gross. Get a room you two.

​WWX notices that LWJ is limping, and in pain.

He goes to offer help, despite Jiang Cheng trying to get him to not do that. WWX gives the reason that there is someone who needs help, so, if someone is to help, why not himself? Jiang Cheng, I think, is showing his jealousy. He may feel he's losing his beloved brother to LWJ... and it's not entirely unreasonable. I mean, WWX will always love his brother, but... I mean... WWX is in love with LWJ.

LWJ, being a dolt, insists that he's fine. WWX will not let him get away with it, tells him to stop pretending, and then offers to carry him

And that's where we end the episode.

What I Liked

WWX and LWJ are back together, and this time LWJ is much more protective, showing some fondness, even though he remains stoic and stone-faced. I'm enjoying all the small things that I didn't notice the last time - Nie Huaisang is getting bolder, making demands and using his voice. Jiang Cheng is showing his jealous nature more, which will be important later on. WWX is still being a brat to folks he considers bullies, but there's a slight dampening of his impish spirit after the dog incident.

It's small, incremental things that this series permits itself that I'm enjoying the most. Fifty episodes seems long, but with a tighter schedule, it would be difficult to let the characters and story breath and stretch like this.

​What Could Have Been Better

There really isn't much to be improved upon, other than, perhaps the odd ending again. It would have been better to end the episode with Wen Chao musing about how he has a bunch of meat shields, rather than just as the night hunt is about to begin, but again, I mean... that's a small gripe.

An even smaller gripe is the giant dog. It was a little goofy, but I really do admire that they decided to do practical effects for this one. And honestly, Xiao Zhan (the bloke who plays WWX) really sold the wounds that resulted from a tussle with the animal, so there isn't much of a problem at all.

Story-wise, it's still great.

Next week, it gets both more awesome and impossibly silly.

Good morning, Readers!

Okay, I’m going to write about a dream I had. I know so many people find that tedious, so feel free to click off now.

Right, so the other day, I had quite the vivid dream. I was on a train trip. I cannot recall if the train was taking me somewhere specific or the train ride was the point of the trip. It was quite a swish train. Anyway, word got around the cars that in one of them was a man who claimed to grant wishes to anyone who asked.

So I and my travel companion headed off to what looked like the bar car to seek this man out and make our wishes.

If anyone cares, I don’t know who this companion was. I don’t think I now her in real life. She was older than me, I recall, but not by much. Anyway, I get to sit with the guy and we chat.

He looks like a regular man. He wore a brown suit. Had greying hair and a round, kindly face. He spoke softly, but there not without strength or confidence. Finally, in the course of this conversation, we get around to my wish.

And what do I wish for?

My own house, which I’ve wanted for forever? Success as a writer - being able to support myself with my writing alone, which I’ve wanted for forever? Did I wish to find my soulmate, which I haven’t really wanted but that seems a normal thing for folk to wish for?

No. No I did not.

You would think I would’ve; at least the first two, because they’re things I’ve wanted so desperately for so long. But did I? No.

What did I wish for?

A flat stomach.

What the actual fuck, dream me? Since when have you cared so much for that nonsense? I mean, I’ve certainly cared. My tummy is a source of shame for me and has been for a long time. But I would never throw away the opportunity to own my own home or to become a successful writer for that obnoxious vanity.

For real, dream me. I am legitimately pissed off at you.

Thank heavens it was only a dream and no random dude on a train can actually grant wishes. And no wishes granted in a dream have any chance of coming true.

Right?

Right?

Even so, what a stupid thing to wish for. For fuck’s sake.

Good evening, Readers!

Yes, I’m incredibly late writing this. I forgot all about it last night when I usually schedule the morning’s blog posts... and I’m also feeling a little depressed and finding my usual routine difficult to maintain.

That is evident in my writing goals this week.

​For the first time since starting to track my writing, I didn’t make my daily goal on any of the days. Granted, it was just she each time, but that adds up.

In the end, of my weekly goal of 5 000 words, I wrote only 4 917.

I don’t have my usual photo. I can’t be arsed to take and upload it.

I bad week was bound to happen. I’m surprisingly okay with this. There might be two reasons for this. The first is that, as part of my depression, I can’t find the energy to feel much of anything. I’m blank, empty. There’s just nothing there. The other reason might be that I’ve made some progress with my perfectionism. I mean, I still made progress with the book, and that’s not nothing.

Writing is a marathon, not a sprint.

It takes time.

It’s okay not to hit goals sometimes.

That’s my mantra for this week.

I’m still writing and that’s what counts.

Right, I have to go and get tomorrow’s blog post written.

​Ciao!

Good morning, Readers!

It's Untamed Monday! Yay! For me anyway.

Right, episode eleven...

We open the episode with Meng Yao walking away, being interrupted by Nie Huaisang, who is told by Meng Yao that he has been banished. This results in a rare flash of bravery as Nie Huaisang confronts his brother demanding to know why. Nie Mingjue doesn't give any answers. He instead urges WWX and Jiang Chen to go home to Lotus Cove, and then mentions that he can offer LXC no more help than to wish him safety.

We go then to Lotus Cove, which is fucking stunning, by the way (but I think scenery-wise I still prefer the Cloud Recesses... It snows there). Jiang Chen and WWX are greeted by a happy populace, and it's clear that they are beloved by their people - and also don't hold themselves too high above the regular folk. There's a lovely brother bonding moment when WWX and Jiang Chen await their father, pondering what punishment they're going to get. There isn't one, incidentally. Instead, there is a pleasant family dinner.

Or it would have been pleasant. Jiang Chen's mother shows up, and hoy boy, she's in a mood, folks. Granted, she's angry because her husband has decided to give the Wen Clan what they want - her son, but as WWX is not an heir to the Jiang Clan, he can decide for himself. She's feeling pissed that this interloper into their family is being treated better than her son. But that doesn't excuse her snapping at Jiang Chen and pointing out that he's so much weaker than WWX, and chastising him for even associating with the mischief-maker. Poor Jiang Chen. He doesn't deserve that. But it also explains a lot of what is going to happen and why Jiang Chen is the way he is later on.

We then go to LWJ, who is on the road, walking as quickly as I've ever seen him move to get to Gusu and his brother. He narrowly avoids a trap and ends up face to face with Wen Chao and his bodyguard, who's name is Wen Zhuliu. Wen Chao attempts to send his dog after LWJ, but the young cultivator instead casts a charm that distracts them and then vanishes. Wen Zhuliu asks if they should chase him and Wen Chao tells him not. His brother, Wen Xu, is now at the Cloud Recesses, and LWJ would be arriving to basically ashes.

We cut to Gusu, and see fighting. So many poor disciples in white getting cut down. Did they not teach sword-fighting in the Cloud Recesses? Was it all memorizing the rules? LXC and Lan Qiren are meditating when sounds of battle reach them, and then Su She runs in to tell them of the attack. Lan Qiren spits blood. I think it has to do with the poison talisman that Wen Xu is wearing, but I'm not sure. The whole sudden spitting blood thing confuses me. But... there is a small argument where LXC tells Lan Qiren to take the books from the library and escape with them. Lan Qiren refuses, pointing out that as Clan Leader, LXC is duty bound to survive to ensure the clan survives, so he must take the books and escape. Lan Qiren will take the surviving disciples to the Cold Pond. They will be safe. No one without a headband would be able to get in.

We get another lovely family scene in Lotus Cove before we're back in Gusu, just outside the hidden entrance to the Cold Pond. Wen Xu shows up and clashes with Lan Qiren. Lan Qiren is still spitting blood, and so almost loses. Who should show up but LWJ, who saves his uncle with the killer strings technique on his qin.

They make their escape into the Cold Pond, but some poor disciples are stuck outside, including Su She, who ends up being a coward and spilling all the beans. Inside the cave, LWJ can hear everything happening outside - including the disciples being murdered. He decides to take the Yin Iron to Wen Xu, noting that their predecessor Lan Yi told him to act with a clear conscience. He couldn't sit by and let the disciples be killed.

So, out he goes. Of the group just outside of the Cold Pond, only Su She is saved. But, the Wen Clan does retreat from the Cloud Recesses, leaving the remaining disciples alive, taking LWJ and the Yin Iron with them. But not before breaking LWJ's leg.

We get another lovely scene at Lotus Cove to break up the tension and sadness. There's archery practice. They're aiming at kites. Jiang Chen misses the last one. Naturally WWX hits it.

We cut now to the throne room of the Nightless city, where a hapless peon is begging Wen Ruohan for mercy. Instead, Wen Ruohan wakes up his puppets, some of which are looking pretty gnarly, and they rip the poor bastard up. Wen Qing is there and witnesses the whole thing. Ruohan then threatens her brother with the same fate if she ever interferes with Wen Clan plans for domination again (she spared WWX and LWJ, remember). Wen Qing promises she will obey from now on.

Back at Lotus Cove, WWX and Jiang Chen wave goodbye to their homes. Perhaps for the last time... who knows?

Then we're at the Nightless City. WWX and Jiang Chen arrive to find the heirs of the major families there, except LWJ. Wen Chao show up and insults his new students, before saying, "You may as well bring him." And then...

It's LWJ.

There are some slow mo shots on WWX's face when he sees LWJ. He tries to get his crush's attention, but LWJ is, well, LWJ and ignores him.

Then, as a final insult, Wen Chao orders his students to turn in their swords; their swords. Their spiritual tools. The Lan Clan, strict as they were, never asked that of their students. Everyone gets tense.

And so ends the episode.

What I Liked

The sword fighting in this was, for what we saw, was still quite good - not as dorky as past episodes. So no complaints there.  Also, the storm clouds are finally starting to roll in. Our heroes are in the nest of their (current) enemy, essentially held hostage to force compliance from their parents. Their about to lose a major part of their cultivation abilities (their swords. I'm not sure how it works, exactly, but I've decided that they're kinda like wands in the Harry Potter universe), and the Wen Clan is threatening obliteration to anyone who stands in their way.

As for whatever progress WWX made in connecting with LWJ, that seems to have been pretty much reversed for now. That sucks. Though, granted, LWJ really isn't the type to go running into someone's arms.

What Could Have Been Better

I think writing anything here would be asking for too damned much. That said, I'm still fuzzy on why Lan Qiren randomly started spitting blood. I think it's the talisman that Wen Xu had on him during the attack, but I am not clear on it. Why was Lan Qiren the only one affected if it was thing that had an area of effect. Otherwise it was a directed attack at Lan Qiren, and I'm really not sure how that would work. That could have been clearer.

Other than that, I'm still really loving this series.

Good morning, Readers!

It’s probably just pandemic brain, but I’m feeling very unattached to everything right now. I’m going through the motions. I wake, pack the lunch I made the night before, go to work. I work, eat lunch, write, return to work. I return home, make lunch for the following day, feed the cat, and retire to bed to read or watch YouTube and cuddle the cat.

”?????????????????????????????????????

I apologize. That was the cat. He’s decided I’m not paying enough attention to him and so stepped on the keyboard. Update: he’s taken over my lap, leaving no room for my iPad. What an adorable jerk.

The iPad is now resting on the cat, the keyboard at an odd angle against my tummy. I apologize for the inevitable typos.

Right, where was I? Oh yes. I’m going through the motions.

I don’t like it. I feel hollow. This all seems pointless, you know?

Not the writing. The writing is not pointless. It’s one of the only times I’m so focussed on something that the hollowness fades and I’m alive. But even then, when my writing session is done, I question why I bother. It doesn’t support me (financially). It likely never will. So why bother? Why am I even trying? Still. Always trying. Never getting anywhere. A hamster in a wheel. Sisyphus pushing the rock only to fail and have to start again. And again. And again. Without point or purpose. I’m just pushing that rock to push the rock; a hopeless task.

They say insanity is trying the same thing over and over, expecting different results. What does that subscribe if not my writing journey?

Write, submit, get rejected.

Write, submit. get rejected.

And even I know that isn’t actually true. I have two books published with a small press - it may be three soon, I don’t know (they agreed to take on my backlist, starting with Sky Road Walker, but I’m not sure when that’s coming out, if ever). That might grow with these next few books, though I fully expect to be caught in the Write, Submit, Get Rejected cycle all over again.

So it’s not like I’ve gone nowhere at all.

And still, it feels like I’m going nowhere with anything. Not just writing, but my life.

I don’t have a place of my own. I will never be able to afford a house at the rate the housing prices are going... and at the rate I’m going. No relationship (and don’t want one, really, but somehow it still weighs on my sometimes). A job that is, well, a job.

Part of this is, of course, depression. It saps the colour from the world. It will pass, no doubt. It always does. But for now, I feel like I’m aimlessly floating, going nowhere, trying for no reason. Pointless.

It will pass.

Perhaps I might even have something exciting happen.

Maybe.

One day.

It doesn’t feel like that at the moment, though.

I don’t really have a neat conclusion to this post. Just... be patient with me while I try and climb out of this slump. I’ll be back to myself in no time.

​Ciao.

Good morning, Readers!

Writing has been chugging along fairly well. I’ve now passed the 90 000 word mark as of today, and I’m nowhere near done. I don’t think this one is made for being a novel, guys. I’m going to have to find a way to serialise this one, I think. It’s stupid long. I mean, I’ve only just introduced the big bad.

I don’t know if this is normal for this kind of story; it being so different from what I’ve written before. It’s more slice of life. Sort of. I don’t know what to make of it.

In any case, I’ve hit my goal for the week, surpassing it once more. I didn’t double it as I have in weeks past. I’m okay with this. I’ve traded a couple of evenings of writing with cuddling the cat. I cannot regret that. He’s the snuggliest, loveliest boy ever, and I adore cuddling with him.

Anyway, here’s what I ended with for the week:

Not bad at all.

Were this one of my usual books, I’d be approaching the climax right now, and getting ready for the big battle and conclusion. There really isn’t one of those for this book. I mean, there is a big battle. But it’s not the big battle. It’s one of many battles.

And to make matters worse, I have to go back and add in some stuff near the beginning, so it’s going to be even longer than I thought.

I’ll be very happy to be finished with this manuscript. Not because I’m sick of it, but because I have so many other projects waiting to be written. 

Did I tell you I’m going to be trying my hand at writing a stage play? Well, I am. It’s been stewing in the back of my head for the past five odd years, and it’s finally ready to come out of my brain and onto the paper. I’m not sure how I’m going to balance that with the next project, which is another novel.

Perhaps I’ll write the novel during the week and the stage play on the weekends?

I don’t know.

I’ve have too many ideas. This is a problem, people. It’s a good problem to have, admittedly, but still a problem. Lordy, give me the time and speed to get these ideas out of my head before I die of old age!

Right, I have to go. What have you achieved of late? Sound off in the comments. I’d love to hear.

​Ciao!