Good afternoon, Readers!

Image by OpenClipart-Vectors from Pixabay

Man, it felt good to type the above sentence. How are you all?

Things are weird here for me, but it’s coming along. I taught my first lesson at the university last week. I think I spoke far too quickly. I get too excitable when I’m talking all things Celt, and I got carried away, I think. I will endeavour to speak more slowly this evening. No guarantees, though, as I just find this all so interesting and tend to vomit words in my excitement to share it.

​I know. I know.

There is more teaching to be done. This weekend sees my return to teaching martial arts.

It has been nearly two years since I last led a class. The the before times, I taught women’s only kickboxing, kung fu and weapons. It loved teaching it almost as much as I love training it myself. I’ve made some incredible friends through martial arts - both training and teaching.

With Covid restrictions put in place, it’s going to be a drastic change to the way I normally teach, which is going to be tough, I think, but not impossible. I’ll be so pleased to get back at it. I only wish I didn’t work three jobs (four, if we include my writing), so I actually had the time to train and write and look after my students for both teaching gigs the way I want to.

Oh well. One day maybe my writing will pay off and I can abandon the job that is eating the entirety of my days and not starve to death on the streets.

Anyway, I’m anxious to return to training. Since I just don’t have the time to until maybe next year, I’ll content myself with teaching kickboxing. I’ll probably get to throw at least a few punches and kicks while I’m teaching.

In anticipation of the return to training, I’ve once again started weight training. I mean, I only have one day a week I can do it, currently - Tuesdays - which I’ve taken off my regular work to attend to university matters. My first session was this morning, and boy have I ever lost literally all my strength. It’s particularly bad on my left side. I struggled at just 20lbs. Despite the hit to my ego, it felt really good to get back at training, and I’m resolved to reacquire that lost strength. It will be slow and painful, particularly since I only have Tuesdays, and only for as long as the good weather holds.

Slowly. Ever so slowly, I’m finding myself again.

And one day, I won’t have to spend time in an office chair; save for my own, writing for a living. For now, I’ll take what scraps of time I have.

Right, I have a lecture to finish animating. There’s a class to teach tonight.

Ciao!

Good morning, Readers!

First, I know I haven't been blogging in a long, long while. I would like to apologise, especially if it was something you enjoyed or looked forward to. I couldn't find the time or energy, and I'm still struggling with finding them. Also, most of what I would have blogged about would have been pretty down. I'm still trying to get my feet under me. I'm making progress, but it's a struggle, and you don't need my lamenting about my life all over the place.

But today I have some good news I just really wanted to share with you. A bit late, since it starts today, but whatever.

I was offered, and have accepted, a position at the University of Ottawa to teach a class. I will be teaching the Introduction to the Celtic World class.

I'm incredibly pleased to share this news. Celtic Studies is my academic love. I studied it in university, and if funds were not such an issue, I would still be pursuing it, I think. I'm really happy to be jumping back into it, and sharing something that I am so incredibly passionate about with my students.

Now, this is not a permanent position. I'm basically just doing it while the professor who usually takes the class is on sabbatical. It'll be a one term thing. It's highly unlikely that I'll be switching jobs.

If I could get some sort of long-term security and earn enough, I totally would. In a heartbeat.

Like I said, I'm really over the moon. And also really incredibly stressed. Despite working solidly in my spare time (still working 40hrs a week at my real job), I’m not feeling even remotely prepared for what I’m about to do.

Still, I promised myself to say yes to more opportunities. Even if it’s scary (which this is). So I said yes, and here I am, preparing to teach a class in a university about a thing I absolutely love. It’s been and will continue to be a lot of work. I’m hoping that this might lead to other, better opportunities. Or it might lead to nothing at all. Even if that’s the case, I’ll still have had a pretty rad experience.

Of course, there are a number of issues that this good news has brought up that I'm working through. Imposter syndrome is strong with this one. I don't have a doctorate, and though I continually read up on the subject, and pursue it academically just for my own edification, that fact does plague me some. If I hadn't been priced out of further academic studies, I'd be working on at least my second. I do have to remind myself constantly that I'm a published author, and I deserve this thing, and plenty of published authors sought and seek jobs teaching at a university. I know my stuff, and I think I'll be a good teacher... but boy am I terrified that I'll be found a fraud and laughed out of the classroom.

The other thing I'm currently wrestling with is related to my depression. There's a voice in the back of my head, and its waiting there to gloat when this all falls through my fingers; gold turned to dust. I'm tense, waiting for the other shoe to drop, to be told that I won't get this thing that I'm excited about after all, or that I'll find out that teaching this class is actually a special kind of hell, and it will leave me more broken and depressed.

I'm trying to work through it. This is a really big deal, and a good opportunity, and I should be celebrating (I am... but there's that little darkness in the back of my mind).

Anyway, despite my brain being a giant dick about this, I'm super stoked, and I can't wait to get stuck in and share the world I fell in love with so long ago.

Wish me luck! I'm going to need it.