But today I have some good news I just really wanted to share with you. A bit late, since it starts today, but whatever.
I was offered, and have accepted, a position at the University of Ottawa to teach a class. I will be teaching the Introduction to the Celtic World class.
I'm incredibly pleased to share this news. Celtic Studies is my academic love. I studied it in university, and if funds were not such an issue, I would still be pursuing it, I think. I'm really happy to be jumping back into it, and sharing something that I am so incredibly passionate about with my students.
Now, this is not a permanent position. I'm basically just doing it while the professor who usually takes the class is on sabbatical. It'll be a one term thing. It's highly unlikely that I'll be switching jobs.
If I could get some sort of long-term security and earn enough, I totally would. In a heartbeat.
Like I said, I'm really over the moon. And also really incredibly stressed. Despite working solidly in my spare time (still working 40hrs a week at my real job), I’m not feeling even remotely prepared for what I’m about to do.
Still, I promised myself to say yes to more opportunities. Even if it’s scary (which this is). So I said yes, and here I am, preparing to teach a class in a university about a thing I absolutely love. It’s been and will continue to be a lot of work. I’m hoping that this might lead to other, better opportunities. Or it might lead to nothing at all. Even if that’s the case, I’ll still have had a pretty rad experience.
Of course, there are a number of issues that this good news has brought up that I'm working through. Imposter syndrome is strong with this one. I don't have a doctorate, and though I continually read up on the subject, and pursue it academically just for my own edification, that fact does plague me some. If I hadn't been priced out of further academic studies, I'd be working on at least my second. I do have to remind myself constantly that I'm a published author, and I deserve this thing, and plenty of published authors sought and seek jobs teaching at a university. I know my stuff, and I think I'll be a good teacher... but boy am I terrified that I'll be found a fraud and laughed out of the classroom.
The other thing I'm currently wrestling with is related to my depression. There's a voice in the back of my head, and its waiting there to gloat when this all falls through my fingers; gold turned to dust. I'm tense, waiting for the other shoe to drop, to be told that I won't get this thing that I'm excited about after all, or that I'll find out that teaching this class is actually a special kind of hell, and it will leave me more broken and depressed.
I'm trying to work through it. This is a really big deal, and a good opportunity, and I should be celebrating (I am... but there's that little darkness in the back of my mind).
Anyway, despite my brain being a giant dick about this, I'm super stoked, and I can't wait to get stuck in and share the world I fell in love with so long ago.
Wish me luck! I'm going to need it.