Good morning, Readers!

So... last night was cluster fuck of a night.  My usual streaming platform, Twitch, was having issues.  I could not connect.  My audience could not log in, let alone view my page.

Instead, I decided to stream on YouTube, but kept it to farming collectables .  It's the first time I've ever done that.  I prefer using Twitch, as it's a friendlier platform for creators so far.  It was great!  I had a lot of fun, and there were some new audience members who showed up for a chat.  They were lovely folks, and it was good fun.

I might stream on YouTube a little bit more in the future.  We'll see.

Anyway, at several points in the stream, I was asked if I was a bloke.

I'm not insulted.  I think it's funny as hell.  And that's why I mention it.  Because it's hilarious.  I also think that a bit of bias is at play here.  But more on that later.

My voice is normal, I think?  Perhaps it records at a deeper register?  I mean, I don't have a high, girlish voice, but it is, at least to my mind, at least feminine... even when I'm swearing a blue streak.

That's where the bias comes in.  Look, we're all aware of the problem of misogyny in the gaming world.  It's why I have a policy of not gaming with anyone I don't personally know.  I've had problems as a woman gamer.

And you hear the angry subset of male gamers who yell boldly about all those "fake gamer girls," as if women can't possibly enjoy gaming the same way they do.  Gaming is for guys, y'all!

So I honestly think that was part of it.  Not that the askers are horrible misogynists, of course.  They were actually lovely.  But the atmosphere around gaming lends itself to assuming a gamer (whose face you can't see on screen) is male.  When the voice doesn't jive with the assumption, people end up confused.  Hence the questions.

While the assumption is troubling, and constraining - the attitude that girls don't game is what kept me from gaming for so very long (and when I decided I wanted to do it regardless, it took forever to get the money together for a console).

Still, thinking about it makes me laugh, so I'm not sorry it happened.

For those interested, if Twitch is up and running tonight (it was as of this morning), I will be streaming again, this time actually doing missions, instead of just farming collectables.

For now, though, I must go through some Welsh lessons.

​Ciao!

Good morning, Readers!

I wrote another thousand words yesterday.

It came more easily, but I don't think the quality is there.

I'm stuck in a cycle of internal screaming, and it goes something like this:

IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH!

So yeah, there's that.

Other than that, there isn't really anything to report.  I'm writing, getting Welsh lessons, and gaming.  Training starts again in a couple of weeks.

It's not an exciting life, y'all.

So instead I'm throwing the comments open.  Tell me all the cool things you're doing.  I feel like getting jealous today!

Now, onto Welsh lessons.

Ciao!

Good morning, Readers!

I wrote a little yesterday.

It wasn't much, but it was the first time I've written in a very long time.

I've been finding it difficult to create of late... for the last few months, actually.  I'm not the only creative who is  so afflicted, either.  I'm reading posts from nearly every creative I follow.  They're all feeling it too.

There isn't really an excuse for not writing.  Saying "I don't feel like it" or "it feels too difficult" is not an excuse.  It might be a reason, but it's not an excuse.  What separates the writer from the hobbyist is the self-discipline to write even when it one doesn't feel like it.

I've failed miserably at that these past few month.

Still, I did attempt to write yesterday.  I didn't hit my word count goals of yore, making it to only a thousand words instead of my usual two or three.

I wrote, however, and in a time when I'm struggling to find the strength to create, a thousand words is a victory.

I'm going to try again today, and try hard not to beat myself up about not hitting my former word count marks.  I tend to be very hard on myself sometimes; hardly unusual, of course.  Plenty of creatives are.

Hopefully, I'll be adding at least another thousand words today.  If not, at least I would have written something.

Something is better than nothing.

First, though, Welsh lessons.

​Ciao!

Good morning, Readers!

Well, the reader I had roped into reading Skylark for me and give me an honest opinion of whether or not it was worth pursuing got back to me early Friday morning.  And I mean, early.

I'm really chuffed with his response.

I mean, you know you hit the right notes when that's the first thing someone says to you.  It's not that I was aiming to make my readers cry, per se.  I wanted them to feel something, though.  So, mission accomplished!  Here is more of what PY had to say:

PHEW!  Good!  I'd hate for anything in my books to feel cheap, sex most especially so.  It's always a little worry in the back of my mind.  I'm always worried that I won't get it right.

​For reasons.

So, yay!

Needless to say, my faith in Skylark has been restored.  I'm back from feeling like I should give up on the book to continuing to find a home for it. And that's what I'll be doing.

It's nice to know that a few people, at least, don't think my faith in the novel was misplaced.  And I'm really glad PY enjoyed it so much.

Part of the reason I decided to give PY a read of it was because, I realised, with the exception of my father, there haven't been an awful lot of masculine eyes on the manuscript.  Two of my three beta readers were women.  It crossed my mind that the bias towards the masculine that is still part and parcel of the publishing world might be working against the manuscript.

It was important for me to get another of male eyes on the story, just in case.

I can now put that niggling doubt to rest.  That is a surprising weight off my shoulders.

I was asked to pitch this to a publisher that is coming to Can-Con this year.  Alas, I had already sent the manuscript to them (not long before it was announced they would be there. I'm not impressed with myself about that!), so I won't be pitching Skylark to that publisher at Can-Con.  Alas.

So, I'm feeling good about Skylark.  Until the next rejection, of course.  Because writing is like that.

So, thank you, PY, for your help in this.

I'll leave this here before the doubts about honesty versus trying to be nice to me start flooding in!  Hah!

​Ciao!

Good morning, Readers!

Last night was awesome.

I streamed Assassin's Creed Unity.  I did well, and it was fun.  A huge thank you to everyone who hung out online with me while I gamed.  It's so much fun chatting with you and being silly as I play.

This streaming thing really is awesome.

Anyway, I went to bed in a great mood.  I had played well, spent a fun few hours with awesome people, and crawled into bed thinking of Arno and Elise.  I guess, however, that Skylark was sitting just behind those immediate thoughts, because I had a very vivid dream about it.

I dreamt that I was sitting at a café, enjoying a good cup of coffee and some pastries.  My flatmate came up to me (at least, I think it was her.  That more of an impression, though, as I didn't really see her face in the dream.  She was wearing a white sundress, if that matters) and handed me my mail.  It was an envelope from a publisher.

The first thing that entered my head was that it was yet another rejection letter.  As I was opening the envelope, a courier arrived and have me sign for another envelope.  I did, and opened that one up.

It took me a moment, but in that second, larger envelope was a number of documents and a cheque.

I ignored it, opting to read the rejection first.

That's when I noticed the cheque.

And after a brief investigation, it turned out that the other documents included a publishing contract, and a advance cheque of nearly ten thousand dollars.  That is not the largest advance a writer has ever been given, but it's nothing to snuff at.

When the realisation of what I had just been given hit, and that strange heart flutter of a dream come true arrived...

I woke up.

And that was my dream.

Needless to say, I don't think it's prophetic.  It did put a spring in my step as I walked to work this morning, however.

So, combined with last night's stream and my early morning dream, I'm in a really good mood.

Please don't screw that up today, world!

Now, I'm off to learn more Welsh.

​CIao!

Good morning, Readers.

I read this morning that the KKK has put out a call for its members to kill gay people.

Yeah, you read that right.

It can't be a surprise, right?

I'm angry again—still—and while I don't advocate violence, I'm not going to cry if a few of these bastards wind up bloodied.

There's so much ranting I could do, but I'm too angry to be coherent right now.  Instead I'm going to talk about something that made my day yesterday.

As many of you know, my military science fiction Skylark has had a little trouble finding a home.  I'm pretty sure that it will be published... if not by Renaissance Press, than by myself.  In an effort to make sure that it was a good as it could be, I sent the manuscript off to Dynamic Canvas Inc., run by fellow author and all 'round fabulous person, Cait Gordon, for some serious editing.

By the by, I highly recommend her for your editing needs.

It's not that Skylark had not already received a shit tonne of editing.  It had.  I just wanted to make damned sure.  I love this story so much and I wanted to give it its best shot.

Cait was absolutely effusive in her praise of the story, which did wonders for my writerly ego.

The following couple of rejections did not.

So, hoping for an independent, honest review, I sent the manuscript to a friend, and well, he's really enjoying it, from what I hear.  And that makes me happy.

It restores my faith in the manuscript.

I mean, he's not finished reading it yet, so we'll see how he reacts to the rest, but so far, things are looking good.

So, I'm up from feeling glum about it to feeling restored and hopeful.  That will shatter with the next rejection, obviously, but I'm on a high right now.

Writing is full of emotional drama, guys!

Now I'm off to learn some Welsh.

Ciao!

Good morning, Readers!

You're allowed to be angry.

Things really suck right now.  You're allowed to be angry about that.  And you're allowed to lay blame square on the shoulders of those who are to blame.  Call a spade a spade.

You're allowed to cuss, and rant, scream into a pillow, punch a bag, hell, punch a wall (I've done it.  I don't recommend it.  I mean, I damaged the wall, but the wall ultimately won).  You're allowed to tell the world that you are furious with the state of the world.

Be angry.

There is a lot to be angry about.  People who are telling you not to be angry have a vested interest in keeping you silent, keeping you caged and inactive.  Don't you pay attention to them.  Don't you let them delegitimise what is an extremely legitimate emotion.  You are right to be angry.  And you have a right to be angry.

But don't become anger.

I was saddened by the news that at the counter-protest in Boston, some people thought it a good idea to try and snatch an American flag from a woman, and ended up dragging her.  Elsewhere, a man who "looked like a Nazi" was stabbed.

Guys, no.

I get the anger.  I really do.  I'm angry, too.  But this is unacceptable.

From what I understand, the Boston event was much more of an actual free speech rally than a white supremacist thing.  While I do not agree with the supposed free speech march; a person's rights end where another's begin, and speech that infringes upon a person's right to live with their own damned country without fear is not a right.  That includes marching under banners specifically designed to instil terror.

I was heartened to see counter protesters outnumber them extensively.

I was not happy about the violence.

Look, if you intervene when someone is beating another, and that requires some use of force, then you've done a good thing.  If you start beating on someone, that's not good.  Even if they really fucking deserve it, it's still not good.

It's a confusing time.  Words are violence.  They can do incredible amounts of damage.  And the truth is, knowing this, I have a hard time mustering up any sympathy for any Nazi or otherwise affiliated white supremacist that gets punched in any context.  And, you know, there are memes that make me laugh to that effect.

I'm no the Dali Lama.

​But that doesn't mean throwing the first punch is right.  Even if it is justified.

So, be angry.  And don't let people try and make you feel bad for being angry.  You should be angry.  There is a lot to be angry about.  You are right and have a right to be angry.  Don't let other people tell you otherwise.

Those people have skin in the game.

Anger is an uncomfortable emotion.  It sucks to feel angry.  But as long as you maintain control over it, and not the other way around, it can be an incredibly powerful emotion.  Those telling you that your anger is wrong are afraid of that power.

So use that power to stand up and do what's right.

Consume that anger, don't let the anger consume you, or you'll soon find that you are no longer in the right.

Keep fighting, everyone.  We need you to stand up and speak out.

But maybe save the violence for when it's actually needed.

And, for those of you about to protest that last sentence, don't pretend that violence was never needed.

It was.

This, however, is not the time and place.

Do good, and be good for as long as you can.  Lord knows there's enough unnecessary violence in the world right now.  Try as best you're able not to add to it.

There are ways you can stand up and be counted on the right side of humanity without throwing punches, dragging women or stabbing randoms on the street.  Look for charities that help victims of hate crimes.  Also worthy of your funds are charities that help members of hate groups escape that group and regain their humanity.  Speak out when you see people behave in abhorrent ways.  Stand up in the face of racist talk and let the racist speaker know their ideology is unwelcome.

All of these things will have a greater long term effect than street violence.  You don't get the instant gratification of a well-placed punch, but you do get to see a safer world for the next generation.  And that, ultimately, is what we all want.