Good morning, Readers!

So, last week, I talked a lot about what I want from life - the time and financial security to do the things I love most - and a little about how I intend to attempt to get it for myself. Much of that plan involved trying to leverage multiple platforms in order to acquire the funds necessary to do it. The primary platform, other than my writing, which I still wish was enough to keep me fed, clothed and in shelter, is YouTube.

To be honest, YouTube is a little daunting. I don't ever want to get super famous, or be considered an "influencer" of any kind. I want my books to be widely read. I want my paintings hanging on walls. I do not want to be so recognisable that people will start coming up to me at the shops when I'm just trying to get my groceries.

I flatter myself that there's even the possibility that I'll get big enough there for that to happen...

Anyway, that's partly why I decided to limit my face on my channels (except for my gaming one, I suppose).

There is, of course, another potential problem that I foresee attempting this route. And that's sharing so much of myself and my life that there's nothing left for me. I do share a lot, rather brazenly. I am not shy talking about my demi-sexuality, or my depression, or the struggles of my creative journey. I honestly don't anticipate that changing.

I will always be an open book.

But there are some things I want just for me. Those things will not appear on any of my YouTube channels. The specifics of any relationships I may have (HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH! Ahem...), where I live (other than the city in which I live), days out with friends/ family, and the specifics of any troubles I have with specific people or situations will not be discussed. Certainly, I may feel moved to make a generalised video about certain things the events may drag up for me personally, but there will never be mention of the specific event or the specific people surrounding that event that brought up those feelings. That might be different if I'm attacked on the street. I would probably make/write something addressing that specifically.

I'm promising this to myself both to protect myself, my mental health and those near me.

So, if I fight with a friend, I will likely make a video about feeling alone and down, but not about the fight or the friend.

If I spend a glorious day with a friend, I will likely make a video about connection and love, but not about the day or the friend.

Hopefully I'll have all the safeguards in place to keep something of me just for me and for those I love most in the world. This is new ground for me, so I am likely to stumble. With luck, it won't be a travesty when I do.

I already have some videos up on my gaming channel, and one on my art channel. When I'm ready, I'll be posting one up on my life channel, but that one still needs a lot of cleaning up to do. For now, though, I'm off.

​Ciao!

Good morning, Readers!

​I’m over at Black Gate Magazine today, talking about heroes and villains.

Good morning, Readers!

Well, I did not make my goal for this week. I came very close, but didn’t quite squeak by.  I have a good reason for this, which I’ll explain in a bit. For now, though, this week’s numbers look like this:

Almost there. Almost.

Monday was a particularly troubling day for me. I managed to write barely over half my daily writing goal, which is what set me back so fully this week. I made a valiant effort every other day trying to catch up, but with only a little bit of time to write after I finish eating on my lunch break, I didn’t succeed in making up the difference.

I had hoped to get some time this weekend to do a little catch-up, but I was not able to eek out the time. I was working on other projects; mainly my YouTube ones. Video editing takes up quite a bit of time, and I’m using new software, which has required something of a learning curve.

Did I take the time to do any training in this new software? No. No I did not. I just jumped right in and went for it. I still have a lot to learn with this programme, obviously, but it was actually fairly intuitive. Still, the learning did slow me down considerably. On the bright side, I have the first of the highlight videos for my current live stream, so there’s that.

The video editing also took me away from the other things I had planned to do this weekend. Namely, paint and record the voice-over for my next video for Art by Sonia. That video is supposed to go up today (writing this post early), so I’m going to have to figure out both the script and the voice-over recording really frakkin’ quickly if I want that video to go up on time.

It’s probably not going to go up on time.

Also due for publication Tuesday is my usual fortnightly post on Black Gate Magazine. I have no idea yet, despite having to start writing it now-ish (again, writing this post early), what it’s going to be about. No idea.

I do know what the next one is going to be about. But that doesn’t help me here.

So, I’m trying to launch three YouTube channels, which means editing and uploading a lot of videos, keep up with my blogging commitments, work full time and try to get enough sleep in a night so I’m not totally useless.

Honestly, I’m celebrating that I got any words down at all this week. It’s been a hectic mess. I’m a little sad that I didn’t hit my target, but I’m not beating myself up over it the way I normally do.

4 765 words in a week is nothing to turn one’s nose at.

I did alright. Hopefully, as things settle into routine, I will start hitting my target.

So... didn’t do the thing, but came close enough that I’m not mad about it.

Now, please excuse me. I need to dash off to write a blog post I don’t have a subject for yet.

Ciao!

Good morning, Readers!

Are we all recovered from last week's episode? Good. This one is sad, still, but nowhere near as devastating as the last one. Also, Wei Wuxian has acquired a cape. Somehow.

Right, so we open with WWX in the boat, waiting for Wen Ning to return. He overhears some Wen guards talking about the alcohol of Yungmen (the region in which Lotus Cove is located), and we get a flashback of how that alcohol came to be - WWX invented it when he decided to flavour the alcohol with lotus leaves and seeds.

Incidentally, I've never had a lotus seed. I wonder what it tastes like. Anyway, back to the episode...

The guards all kinda just, collapse, and Wen Ning shows up, looking for WWX with a very unconscious Jiang Cheng on his back. Once in the boat, Wen Ning lists all the injuries Jian Cheng has, and probably others besides. And his friends have retrieved the bodies of the Clan Leader and his wife, which will be delivered later on. Oh, and here's Jiang Cheng's purple lightning whip thing.

WWX takes the snake bracelet-turns-into-a-whip thing and puts it near Jiang Cheng's hand. OF SIGNIFICANCE THAT I ABSOLUTELY MISSED THE FIRST TIME AROUND, it doesn't react. It stays dormant. It ​doesn't recognize Jiang Cheng​.

Wen Ning, being the purest cinnamon roll in this universe, then notes that Jiang Cheng can't get far in his current condition. They should probably think about finding a place to hide. When WWX notes there's nowhere for him to go, Wen Ning advises they go to Yiling. To Wen Qing, who can treat Jiang Cheng's wounds.

He is risking everything to help WWX, and I just... I love him so much.

With no better plan, WWX agrees to go, and off he goes in the boat, holding Jiang Cheng while Wen Ning paddles.

We head back to Lotus Cove now, and it's morning. Wen Chao is being shaken awake by  Wen Zhuliu, who informs him that the alcohol was drugged. The drug will take several days of recovery before anyone will be feeling better. Oh, and Jiang Cheng has been rescued. Wen Chao is upset by all this news.

And we're back to WWX and Wen Ning. They've arrived at the shoreline where their grandmother and Jiang Yanli are. Grandma urges them to hurry, and find a safe place to hide. Notably here, WWX bows to her. Given her reaction it's not something he's ever done before. I feel this small moment here is WWX trying to 'take his rightful place' as a servant of the Jiang family, not their peer, just as Madam Yu demanded whenever she was with her husband and children. It made me so sad. Just that one little moment.

I couldn't find a .gif of the moment, but here's a picture courtesy of Canary3d.

So, off the family goes to Yiling. Wen Ning paddles them all again. What a top bloke.

Meanwhile, back at Lotus Cove, Wen Chao has been interrogating the guards, and finds out that Wen Ning was near the alcohol the night everyone was drugged. Uh-oh. He orders Wen Zhuliu to crush the guard's core for some imagined slight and well...

RIP guard?

He vows to kill everyone if it turns out that Wen Ning was indeed involved in this rescue.

We cut to Yiling and the wagon carrying the refugees pulls up to the gate. WWX is on high alert. He's a little strung out, the poor dear. He doesn't quite trust Wen Ning, or perhaps it's himself he's second-guessing, and he's projecting that on his helper. Anyway, once inside, and he realizes that Wen Ning has taken them to the Wen Clan Supervisory Office in Yiling, he kinda loses his mind at Wen Ning for a bit.

When Wen Ning explains, however, that the place is also Wen Qing's residence, and is probably the safest place for them all right now as no one would dare search the inner chambers, and with Jiang Yanli being the voice of reason, WWX calms down and apologizes to Wen Ning.

Wen Qing shows up and there's a bit of a tense staring competition until guards start pounding on the door, demanding to know what all the fuss is about. WWX steals Wen Ning's sword and points it at Wen Qing in a silent threat not to give them away. Wen Qing does not, telling the guards it's only Wen Ning returned, and that he's unwell again. She sends them away and WWX lowers the sword.

Our boy is not doing alright.

Anyway, Wen Qing, I guess, decides she's going to do what she can for these poor folks. There's a sweet moment between her and WWX when they're outside of the place Jiang Cheng is sleeping, talking at night. But when Wen Qing asks about lotus cove, WWX exposes his darker side, vowing to kill all those responsible.

They go back inside. And this is where I notice that WWX is suddenly wearing a cape. Why is he wearing a cape? Where did he get that cape from? And what possible use is it now? I mean... it matches his outfit. Did he have the thing tucked up the hem of his tunic this whole time? Someone ought to have a word with the continuity department.

I guess a few days pass in which WWX tends to his brother. He brings in food to find his brother's eyes open. In a very emotional scene I won't go into in detail, Jiang Cheng reveals that Wen Zhuliu crushed his golden core, and because of Wen Zhuliu's particular ability, he'll never again regain one. He's lost his spiritual power. And this, for Jiang Cheng, is worse than death. It's a devastating blow he might never recover from. He gets angry at WWX for saving him.

Wen Qing enters, I think having overheard everything, and tries to tend to Jiang Cheng. But Jiang Cheng sees her Wen Clan robes and loses. his. shit. screaming at her to get out and leave him alone.

Look, I'm not the most rational when I'm grieving, but Jesus.

It makes me especially hurt because we all know Jiang Cheng has an enormous crush on Wen Qing.

Way to blow your chances, my dude.

A little while later, because clearly Wen Qing has not done enough for him, WWX seeks her out and asks a favour - all of the medical books she can possibly lend him. Wen Qing's all like, you need rest bro, but WWX is all like, no, I need books.

CUE STUDYING MONTAGE

Honestly, we don't get enough studying montages in shows.

He studies so long and so hard that he's neglected at least one meal, and stubble is growing all over his face. Okay, not all over his face. In select parts of his face. Wen Qing brings him food, and though he appears to be sleeping, she gives a report of all that's happened thus far:

Physically, Jiang Cheng is healing well, but he wasn't eating or sleeping so, at the request of Jiang Yanli, Wen Qing darted the poor bastard to send him to dream land. It was Yanli, incidentally, who was making all the food WWX wasn't eating. Also, WWX, visit your sister. She's worried.

So, WWX goes and visits his sister.

It's about as cheerful as you can imagine. Poor WWX, strung out and stressed and sleep deprived... His sister notes he's tired.

He, however, can only think about creating a golden core in Jiang Cheng again. He gets the bright idea that LWJ would help him and leaps up to go adventuring, but his sister stops him, telling him he needs to rest.

WWX quotes Madam Yu. What if this is all his fault? That Jiang Fengmian and Madam Yu are dead because of him? The Clan is on the verge of extinction because of him..? It's not true of course, but I know exactly what it's like to take on the burden of blame for things that I really needn't. So, of course, my heart is breaking right about now.

Oh, it gets worse.

Jiang Yanli bursts into tears, noting that her parents are dead, her home taken from her, Jiang Cheng on the verge of death. She can't loose WWX too. He's all the family she has left.

WWX basically collapses at this point, sobbing into his sister's lap. She holds him and sobs. Even Jiang Cheng cries.

​I'm fine. Totally fine. Why do you ask?

Seeing the grieving family, Wen Qing goes to the library herself and starts researching a way to help return Jiang Cheng's golden core. This time, it's WWX who brings her food, even throwing her exact words to him  about needing to eat to keep strong back at her, before retiring to another desk to continue researching.

We get a studying, looking after each other montage, and can I just say that Jiang Cheng's days of facial hair growth looks way better than WWX's? So much better.

Wen Qing falls asleep, and lo! He's found it! WWX has found the solution. What I love about this is you can see his elation fade as he learns just what that will mean.

We see him next, taking in the beauty of the trees as he contemplates what he must do. This bit might be a bit triggering for some folks, so, content warning: discussion of suicide.

It's a lot like the quiet, vaguely sad peace that comes over some people when they make the decision to die. I know this from experience, and so might be reading too much into it. It might not be the intent at all. It's just really, really similar to me.

Also, .gif by Canary3D again, because they've used the perfect one:

Wen Qin, wakes and joins him outside the library. WWX reveals he's found a cure for Jiang Cheng.

We cut to Wen Ning, who is carrying a plate of treats for them (UGH, HE'S INFURIATINGLY SWEET!), who happens upon the pair in the middle of an argument.

WWX practically begs for Wen Qin's aid.

Wen Ning, who surely cannot know what he's asking, joins in begging his sister to help.

WWX: If we don't do this, Jiang Cheng's life is ruined.

Wen Qing: AND WHAT ABOUT YOU!

I love that she genuinely cares for this family, and for WWX. This argument brings her to tears. Of course, as always, WWX gets his way. Wen Qing, by way of agreeing, notes that this scheme has only a fifty percent chance of working.

​WWX:

And the episode ends.

What I Loved

My heart being ripped to shreds.

No, seriously. The situation these kids are facing is completely fucked. The writing and acting here - the desperation and fear, the stress, WWX starting to come undone, the responsibility he feels - it is all brutal and brilliantly done. I feel for everyone, and I understand their decisions. Hell, this is one of the rare instances where the character's decisions didn't frustrate the hell out of me because the were stupid or nonsensical.

I understand Jiang Cheng's anger at the undoing of all his plans and dreams. While I don't agree with it, I also understand his lashing out at those he loves (both WWX and Wen Qing). I'm pretty sure I'd do the same. Hell, I have done the same when I was a youngin'.

Similarly, were I in his place, I'd probably do exactly what WWX does. And I'd probably come unhinged, too (a lot faster, if I'm honest with myself).

What Could Have Been Better

Again, without any really goofy fight scenes (it being a drama, not an action piece), there's little that I find that I can complain about.

Does Jiang Cheng get his core back, or will this be just another tragedy for both boys? STAY TUNED!

Good morning, Readers!

Gaming is a surprisingly important part of my life, considering how little I actually do of it. Through gaming, I've made a number of really awesome, supportive friends. Every live stream is like sitting on the couch and playing with your mates over, trying to distract you with silly puns, bad jokes and running gags.

It's always fun, even if the game isn't really all that great.

This year has been good for me, when it comes to gaming. After not live streaming for months on end, I began again and very quickly, somehow, managed to reach Twitch's affiliate level. This, in just a couple of months, I had not managed to do in the four years prior. It was nice.

It also means that I have some passive income. Every time my affiliate activities (ad revenue, viewer subscriptions etc) reach $100.00, I get a nice little payout from Twitch. Granted, the likelihood of reaching that threshold more than once in a year, if that, is not high, but still, that's a nice little boost for something I'm doing that I would be doing regardless.

If it happens that I gain a large following for my stupidity (seriously, I'm not very good at gaming), then that would not be an insignificant source of income. I have no plans for it to be my main income at all. The market is quite saturated, and very few people know I'm alive. I also don't do a lot of gaming with other folks, so discoverability is quite low.

Still, it's fun, and I love it, and I plan on continuing and expanding on it.

There are ways to generate even more of an income if you're gaming. Once more, Patreon comes to mind. For this, like for my writing, there really isn't an awful lot I can think of to offer any Patrons I would get. Also, I am nowhere near popular enough to make Patreon worth it for me to start and upkeep. It's not looking like something I would do for my gaming things. It's there as a possibility, but it's not a probability.

Like both writing and art, though, YouTube looks like something I can both do and would like to do with my gaming. In fact, my original YouTube channel housed all of my gaming stuff. I decided that since "people who follow me for my gaming idiocy" is an audience that is distinct from anyone interested in my writing or art, I would create a separate channel for my gaming stuff.

That channel is here in case you want to check it out and subscribe.

For now, I'm simply porting over my old live stream library, and the silly highlight reels I made for each stream. These activities will continue to be the mainstay of my channel, but I am also toying with the idea of doing video reviews of each game as I finish it. I already do written ones for Chalgyr's, and so I kinda have a template for how I would do video ones.

And I wouldn't even have to appear on video reviews, so the hives I get just thinking of being on camera aren't really an issue.

That's it - the three things I'm hoping to develop and grow to help me reach my goal of having my creative efforts support me financially, so I can live my life on my terms more than I am now. So I can ride the waves, instead of being thrown by them.

It may never happen, but it's a goal, and as long as I'm working towards it, I'll be feeling less directionless and lost.

I've got a lot to do, and these posts have been exceedingly long, so I should go and get things done.

​Ciao.

Good morning, Readers!

Art is something of a rediscovered love. When the pandemic started, and I thought I’d only be out of work for about two weeks, maybe a month, I picked up a brush seriously for the first time since high school to work on a painting that I’m donating to something (if it ever happens, I’ll let you know).

I haven’t improved since high school.  How could I have? I’ve not practiced.

But I had not lost my love of it. Indeed, I rediscovered it.

Art is something I want to keep in my life. I’m currently struggling to create art, but I’m planning on turning that around. I hope I can manage it. My mental health has taken quite the beating of late, and I find I’m not able to do much when I’m spiralling.

Anyway, I’m planning to create more art.

This is another project of mine that has some potential for income, but like my writing, is likely unable to ultimately get me there. Perhaps if I get very lucky, the two of them combined will help me on my way. It is also one of those things that I will be doing, even if I can’t make any sort of income from it, so I may as well offer originals and prints to sell and maybe make enough in a year for a hot chocolate or a fancy ice cream once in a while. The only problem is that, unlike books, I’m going to have to find some physical space to place my art as I create it.

That is a problem for future me.

Like writing, Patreon often comes up as a way for artists to make some money on a monthly basis. Unlike writing, I have a tonne of ideas about how I could make that particular platform work for me. However, I don’t have nearly enough people interested in me as an artist to even bother with it for now. Perhaps one day it might be a thing for me to more seriously consider. For now, it's on the backburner as a serious possibility.

Similarly to writing, YouTube is also something I can do to both sell my work and a platform that in and of itself can generate some income. If I get big enough. Again, that comes down to luck as much, if not more, than hard work. Still, I’m going to give it a go. I don’t think that too many art channels present videos the way I am  with a focus on the folklore/myth or the fiction behind each piece, so maybe I’ll be filling some weird niche that will gain traction. In any case, the channel will be devoted to my art, and to the stories my art tells; be they from folklore or my own imaginings. I also plan on adding a communal art night once a month as a live stream, but that’s not going to happen until I have a fair amount of community engagement.

It may well never happen.

Still, it will be a way for me to keep up with my art, and to share it and maybe earn a few pennies a month. There is already one video up. And I hope to eventually upload one a week... which is a pretty strenuous effort when it comes to art... and video creation. Video editing takes a long while. I will begin with one video a month unless (until?) I earn enough from any one or any combination of my various projects affords me the ability to devote more time to it without sacrificing my financial security.

In case you’re interested in my art and feel like showing my channel some love, you can view it here. Subscribe if it feels like something you might want to keep up with. I’ve not properly launched it. I still have to film and upload a channel trailer, which I’m yet to decide on, but it has had a soft launch (which is to say - one video uploaded).

I’ve got a lot work to do, clearly, so I’m off.

​Ciao!

Good morning, Readers!

It’s a long one today.
​
Okay, I know I’ve harped on about my dissatisfaction with the fact that my writing has not resulted in my ability to support myself.

Most of the time, I’m actually fine with it. Sometimes, though, I get all in my head about it. That terrible little gremlin that lives there tells me that I haven’t sold many copies because I’m a terrible writer, and a terrible person, and my lack of success with writing is a direct result of karma, and I deserve to languish. Forever.

Listen, my brain is a massive arsehole when it wants to be.

Whether or not this voice is right, I have received some funds from my writing, and that’s not nothing. Sure, it’s an occasional cup of hot-chocolate’s worth, but that’s still not nothing.

The truth is, I’m not sure how to turn this love of my life into something that will support me as much as I support it. It doesn’t help that no one knows, really. There have been more articles than I care to mention about how no one, even those in the business, really know what makes a book hit it big.

My preliminary research into book marketing has been frustrating, to say the least.

There are a few things about my writing that will remain true:

The first, is that I’m not particularly interested in self-publishing. I’ve been there, done that. It was too much for me, producing a book from start to finish. It’s long, and expensive (because I lack the ability to self-edit, book cover design skills or formatting skills, and so outsource those particular tasks). I’m very happy for someone else to take that on, and leaving me out of the responsibility and the expense.

The second is that I will always want writing to be my primary function in life and work. I couldn’t stop writing even if I wanted to. I’d go mad. I might one day get too frustrated with the publishing scene to want to continue trying to get published. In that case, when I die, there will be probably be manuscripts or parts of manuscripts stuffed into every available space in my abode for my beneficiaries to deal with. I apologise in advance.

The last is that my writing might never get me where I want, and also that I swing violently between okay with that and wildly, irredeemably, unreasonably upset about it all.

I’ve been trying to wrack my brains to come up with some sort of strategy that will give me greater chances of success beyond the typical:
​

1. Write book
2. Acquire agent
3. ...
4. Profit?

There must be something more I can do. 

More research is needed. I’ve a lot of work ahead of me. But I’m reading up on book marketing, and other ways to make money with my fiction. I might even be able to leverage my other projects (more on that later) to help out here.

One option that keeps coming up is Patreon. I’m giving it some serious thought, but I can’t quite figure out a way to make it work for me that doesn’t involve self-publishing, which, no. I am thinking about it, though. I’m trying to think of ways I could make it work that don’t make me feel all icky.

Another thing that might help is “Book Tube.” It’s literally just a YouTube niche that’s all about books - from reviews of specific books and book clubs, to writing advice and coaching. The thought of being in front of a camera a lot gives me the hives, and I’m not really the sort of writer that anyone should take any sort of coaching from. But what I can do are video essays - I don’t have to appear on camera for those. Just some pretty images and a voice over. I can also maybe do some actual vlogging about any conventions, book launches or trips I go on that have anything to do with my writing life.

I do plan on leveraging YouTube. I’ve already started to make changes to my channel, which is currently a graveyard of YouTubing attempts and an archive of my gaming efforts.

Like making a living from writing, any success I get on YouTube will be down to luck, really. Still, the chance that some income might one day be a possibility from this platform makes it worth a proper shot. I’ve never been lucky, so I’m not expecting anything, but I’ll give it a shot in any case.

If I’m very diligent, I will be able to re-launch my much-cleaned up YouTube channel before the year is out.

Well, I have to get to work. Wish me luck.

Ciao!