Good morning, Readers!

Yesterday was another bumper day for writing.  I hit two thousand words again, and I'm very close to finishing out the manuscript.  I'm excited to be done with it.  Of course, by 'done with it' what I actually mean is 'finished the first draft and can make a heavy editing pass before filing it away while I write the second book of another series and then come back to it for another heavy editing pass before sending it off to my beta readers.'  Yep.

Still, I feel like I've been plugging away at this one for far too long, and I'm more than ready to move on for a bit.  Also, I have had the first chapter of the other book doing laps in my head for the past five months and I'm dying to get it written down.

This is all to say that I'm doing well on the writing front this week.  I'm pleased with myself.  That might all spiral out of control, as I received word yesterday that one of my friends and writer extraordinaire is now diving into the first book of The Great Man series (I think I might change that series name to include the word Chronicle​ or maybe Hagiography, because I'm fancy).  Anyway, I asked her a while back to look at it, and tear it to shreds in order to make it the best it possibly could be.  I've stopped trying to shop that particular manuscript.  I'm holding off until I get her comments (and one other's) and fix the manuscript accordingly.  I fully expect to be depressed as hell for a while as I'm re-editing that book, because chances are, the book needs a lot of work.

Two good writing days in a row has me feeling pretty good about life, currently, and more than makes up for the big disappointments I've been through of late.  Yay!

So, my plan for today is to write like hell.  Maybe I'll be lucky enough to finish today and can start editing.  Wouldn't that be nice?  A girl can dream.

On that note, I ought to go and do the work.  Have a great day today.

​Ciao!

Good morning, Readers!

Happily, yesterday was quite a good day.  I managed to achieve all the things I wanted.  I wrote two thousand words, and they were interesting words, so I'm feeling pretty good about them.  Sometimes I write a lot, and it's boring to do, but we're reaching the boss battle of the book, so I'm enjoying it more.

I also went out and (re)started a Couch to 5K training programme.  I had tried a couple... a few?  I'm terrible at tracking time... anyway, I tried a couple/few weeks before, but was recovering from a cold, and so the run did not go well at all.  Then I got sick again, and couldn't do anything for another week and a bit.  So, three weeks late, having almost fully recovered yesterday, I went out and began to train.  The first week is easy, so it's not a surprise that I managed a good pace and the running felt smooth and fun.  Alas, my lungs seem to be giving me some trouble.  My muscles were all fine, but I had issues with my breathing.  It might be that I haven't matched my breathing with my stride properly, or that I'm still not entirely recovered from the double flu/cold thing I was hit with at the beginning of the month.  Still, I was frustrated by my lungs.  Hopefully, as time passes, that will prove to be less of an issue.  We'll see.  Also, I have this weird thing where my nose runs when I run.  I looked it up and I might have something called exercise rhinitis.  Essentially, your mucus systems responds to exercise the same way it would to pollen if someone was allergic to pollen.  It's kinda like being allergic to exercise.  Yup.  Hopefully exposure therapy will cure my "allergy."

I've also (re)started counting my calories, but not for the reason you think.  I have, historically, a problem with eating enough, and it's screwed my metabolism over.  In short, my metabolism slowed right down, and now if I eat anything, it immediately stores it in fat stores in case it starts staving again.  I need to try and undo that damage.  I'm counting to make sure that I'm eating enough, and also to make sure I'm getting all the vitamins, minerals and protein I need to function.  I have a long-standing problem with fatigue, and part of that was that I wasn't eating enough.  I was eating well (I have a pretty healthy diet, y'all), but not enough.  Again.  Upon checking the app (My Fitness Pal, in case you're interested), I was indeed not eating enough.  Not all the time, mind, just on the days when I was training martial arts.  Monday, for example, I was fine.  I ate enough for the day.  Yesterday, hell no.  I was 1 300 calories short.  So, after training, I headed out and grabbed some whole milk, cheese, eggs and almonds (I was also really short on required proteins), and had small meal before bed.  It turns out, I was actually hungry, but didn't quite realise it until my first bite.  I was still wildly short of the daily calorie goal, but not 1300 short, so I'm okay with it.

I won't have to eat that much today, as I'm teaching, rather than training, so I haven't as many calories to make up.

Incidentally, in case your wondering, in order to stay healthy, there are a baseline number of calories that one needs to consume just so the body can do what it does.  All those processes require calories.  For myself, that baseline hovers around 1 200 calories a day (slightly more, but I'm rounding down).  If I want to stay healthy, I need to eat back any calories burnt that go over and above the ones required for function, or the body will steal from its baseline functions to help fuel these extra activities.  Health will suffer.  So I have to keep a careful eye on my food intake.

I'm trying to be healthy, everyone, but it's fucking hard!

More on health, I'm feeling a bit lost going to the gym for my strength training.  I'm kinda just making up my workouts as I go with no rhyme or reason.  I can't afford a personal trainer, so now I'm app hunting.  If anyone out there knows a good free or relatively inexpensive strength/weight-training app (looking exclusively for that, not for yoga or cardio or anything.  I have running and martial arts for my cardio), please let me know.  My research to date has proven to be depressingly unfruitful.

Right, I should head off the internet now and write more.

Ciao!

Good morning, Readers!

Last night I streamed.  Once again, Rogers was a dick, and the 5G line just fell away; vanished.  I had to reset the modem to get things going again.  Thanks everyone for sticking with me while I did that.

Anyway, after streaming, I'm feeling much better again, and it has me thinking about why that might be the case. I mean, after thinking about it, I'm pretty sure I know why.  But for a while there I was questioning.

The biggest question was simply this: Am I in a better mood because I killed a whole bunch of digital orcs last night?  What kind of psycho am I?  The truth is, of course, I'm not a psycho.  Duh.  Pretend kills are no different from punching a heavy bag for an hour.  It's a great way to work out frustrations without anyone, well, any real person, getting hurt.  Plus, you know, reasons matter, and I'm trying to save Middle Earth.  Those murders are justified, damn it!

All joking aside, I think I'm in a better mood because every stream I am joined by great people who keep me amused in the chat.  They're a funny bunch, and it's a lot of fun having them around.  It's a lot more fun streaming with them than without.  They kept me laughing (or groaning... those damned puns).

The result, of course, is that I'm feeling much better about life currently.

It was a one-two punch - I gamed, and managed to get closer to complete retribution for the murders of my character's wife and child, which was nice (have fun in hell, Hammer), and I got to hang out with great, witty people.  It really did improve my day.

So, once again, I extend my gratitude to great games, and better people.  Thanks for being there.  Whether you realised it or not, I needed you there, and you came through.  You're awesome.

And now I have to write. This manuscript will not write itself.  A shame.

​Ciao!

Good morning, Readers!

I'm feeling a little down today.  Once again, the image of a hamster furiously running on a wheel and getting nowhere pretty much sums up how I'm feeling about my writing career at the moment.  Also how I feel about my life, to be honest.

Looking around, I have friends who are off increasing their professional credentials, looking to buy a house and start a family, expanding their families, going on holidays, heading to conventions overseas, moving forward (these are not things I want for myself necessarily, except the travel, but they're still our society's markers of a "successful" life, and the pressure is still there).

I am stuck.  Running like mad on a wheel going nowhere.  I'm frustrated and sad and just wanting to throw my hands in the air and walk away from everything.

I'm not going to, by the by.  I have rent to pay and life requires fuel, so in order to have a home and eat, I'm going to have to keep my job.  As for writing, well, writing is a compulsion for me.  I get itchy.  I start to go a little mad(der) with all these voices and stories in my head screaming for release.  If I don't write, I end up in a really bad place, mentally.

But all this work for what feels like nothing has been really wearing on me of late.

The curse of an active imagination is that I dream big, and I dream big often, but it seems I lack the skill set to turn those dreams into anything more.  For all the time my head is in the clouds, it feels like I'm chained firmly to the dirt, laying flat and unmoving, staring up at the birds and wondering what it might be like to be able to fly.

It's not an ideal way to live.  It makes contentment nigh on impossible.  Unhappiness and restlessness are default states.  There are real tears over stupid shit that doesn't even matter, really.

Most of the time, it's not actually all that difficult just have fun with what I'm doing.  Sometimes, though, more rarely now, to be honest, it grates on me.  It eats me up.  It makes me want to throw things.  I know it's stupid, and that I shouldn't need to make money or gain some sort of notice to be happy with writing.  And here's the thing, I don't want a tonne of money from my writing.  Just enough that I could do it full time and not have to worry too much.  I don't need any kind of accolade, but a few reviews might be nice.  I'm not looking for fame.  I just want to be able to do what I want to do.

More, I know that I am a published author, and I do have readers who follow me, looking forward to the next book.  I don't know why I feel like it's not enough.  It ought to be enough.  It's a failing of mine, I suppose.  I also suppose that it's related to my depression.  We all know depression lies, and all those thoughts that I shall never succeed, that I should give up, that I'm just not good enough, that I don't deserve to be a full-time writer, etc are just not true.  Probably.

Happily, I know that this mood will pass, and I will be headed back to my usual goofy, idiotic self in not too long.  Equally as happily, I will be streaming tonight, off slaying orcs and trying to protect Middle Earth from within Mordor.  That always helps improve my mood.

Anyway, I already feel better.  Still sad, but less frustrated now.  I think that maybe I just needed to vent for a little bit.  Things actually aren't bad for me.  I'm not actually unhappy and most of the time I'm not feeling utterly frustrated and like quitting.  I'm just in a down phase at the moment.  It'll pass.

You can tell I'm having a rough time because I've just, for no reason, got myself ordained by the Universal Life Church of Canada.  Meh.  It was free, so why not?  Also, the organisation itself seems pretty cool.  So I guess I'm free for pagan-leaning humanist ceremonies if you want someone to officiate.

Right, I have a manuscript to try and finish.

Ciao!

For a longer discussion of this book, check out our Nights at the Round Table episode on it here​.

Good morning, Readers!

I had extremely vivid dreams last night, and recall thinking, in the dream, that I really ought to remember this, because this is great fodder for a story. Naturally, I can't remember any of it.  At all.  I'm annoyed at myself.  It was fascinating.

I should really do something about writing these down the minute I wake up.

Happily, though, I managed to write well on Tuesday, which earnt me a reprieve for yesterday, in which I did not write, because I was an idiot and left my training gear at home... which I needed to go teach last night.  Thank heavens for friends who finish work earlier than most. I owe JP a few bottles of wine for helping me in my hour of utter stupidity.

Other than that, there isn't all that much to report in my life.  I'm currently bracing myself for the brief sting of disappointment now that the Aurora Awards nominations have closed.  Voter's packages will be sent out the middle of next month.  While I don't expect to be on the ballot, I'm really hoping my friends get there.  I know so many wonderful, talented, hard-working people who so well deserve the recognition.  So, while I'm feeling a bit sad for myself, I'm actually really keen to see who made it onto the ballot.

I will also be getting myself a pity bottle of whiskey, because I deserve it and have unhealthy coping mechanisms, damn it.

Oh! I do have news!  We're streaming the first two episodes of Nights at the Round Table live this Sunday on Twitch starting at midday.  Follow us and tune in!

Speaking of Nights at the Round Table, I have a book to finish reading, so... I best get on that.

​Ciao!

Good morning, Readers!

I'm over at Black Gate Magazine this morning (technically yesterday afternoon, if you want to get pedantic), making a plea for writers trying to write women.

Full disclosure: I am a woman, and so have a vested interest in how women are portrayed in all media, not even just the speculative. Since, however, the speculative is so able to better reflect the real world and imagine a better one, I’m going to talk about that for today.

I had been, at one point in my past, privy to a enormous internet argument about how terribly some male writers write women. The primary complaint of the defenders of bad writing of female characters was, and this is a literal quote, ” writing women is hard.”

Congratulations, random male internet commenter, you have accidentally his upon an immutable truth. Writing women is hard. Writing men is hard. Writing a compelling scene is hard. Writing plot is hard.

Writing is hard.