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Did I Manage? My 2018 Goals Reviewed

31/12/2018

2 Comments

 
Good morning, Readers!
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Image courtesy of wikipedia.com.
Well, 2018 is over.  Pretty much.

What a year.

It was, like most years, a pretty good one and a pretty terrible one.  I very nearly collapsed back into the very worst mental health space (for those of you who are new, I have clinical depression, and have struggled with it since my early teens. It was undiagnosed then, and untreated.  The result was hellish — I was cutting, and had several suicide attempts.  Yeah.  It was a rough time for me.  It's better now, thanks to a diagnosis, therapy, and occasional medications (that was new to this year, and very short term, but I want to stress that taking medication for your mental health is absolutely valid and nothing to be ashamed of.)). Anyway, I got dangerously close to all that again. I'll not go into the details, but the whole situation was really messed up and did a lot of damage.

It's been a while since it happened, though, so it hurts a little less with distance and time.  I'm in a much better place now, but it still makes me extremely sad from time to time to think back on what happened and what was lost.

Since then, however, things have much improved on the personal level, once that got out of the way.  I'm in a healthy place mentally. Though it is up and down, it's absolutely manageable.  I'm happier and healthier, and have been improving in the last quarter or so of 2018.  In short, on a personal level, 2018 was far better for me than 2017.

My physical health is on the up, too.  I did manage to get an injury in my left shoulder/upper arm area that prevented me from doing much by the way of weights and other exercise.  I lost a lot of my strength gains this year, after breaking for a month an a half in an effort to get my arm healed.  It's still a bit weird, but there's no longer the sharp pain there when I lift.  I've been back at weights for roughly a month at the writing of this, and it's been good.

My martial arts training and teaching continued to be a highlight of my life in 2018.  Despite being royally fucked over by Algonquin College, who neglected to tell anyone that we no longer had a space until just a few weeks before class was due to start again in September, we nevertheless found a space to training, and train we did.  My goal beginning this year was to start sparring.  I did.  After I started, my goal was to get in on the tall blokes to comfortably land a punch.  The tall lads all have ridiculous reaches, which puts me at a distinct disadvantage.  My goal was to find a way around or through that.  And I did.  Only once, but I did it.  I'm counting that as a victory.

That is the limit of my recollections of 2018.  So, let's stop relying on my own faulty brain. At the beginning of last year I decided to list out a few goals.  I want to go through them and see how I went.  Here's what I wrote last year:
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I can happily say that I managed to achieve all three of my writing goals this year.  Skylark found a home with the amazing people at Renaissance Press and was published in October 2018.  I'm thrilled about that.  I love this book, and I think it looks amazing.
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IT'S SO PRETTY!
I finished rough drafts for both Soldier and Outworlder (still looking for a better title for that one, which is extremely annoying).  I even finished them in time to send each manuscript to all three of my beta readers, and received feedback from them all for both manuscripts.  I haven't finished editing Outworlder yet, as I haven't had the time to go through the final beta reader's comments on that one.  But that point is, the rough drafts were all finished this year.  I'm happy about that.

So, 2018 writing goals, absolutely hit those out of the park.  Go me!

Health goals were less successful.  I had to stop weight training for too long, and midway in the year, I just stopped entirely for no reason.  I've started up again for the last little bit of 2018, though, with an adjusted schedule, which I plan to keep up in 2019.  So weight training wasn't a total L, but I didn't stick with it as much as I wanted, either.

No sugar... AH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH.  We'll just put a big fat F on that test, shall we?

Meditate.  I totally forgot that was a goal of mine.  Holy hell.  I didn't do it.  Not even once.  Welp...

Help my kick-boxing ladies.  This I think I did manage alright.  At least, I'm hoping I did.  I even managed to get a new women's only class - traditional kung fu.  It was great.  My students were great.  I really adore teaching women's only martial arts classes.  It makes me so happy to watch women discover their strength and realise that they're far more able and amazing than they thought they were.  I love it so much!

No more skipping training.  Uh... so... that is also a fail.  I did skip a few days without actual reason, so I also failed here.  I'm not that mad about it, to be honest.

Personal goals that are optional was almost entirely a wash.  I didn't do the paint along to Bob Ross thing I wanted to do.  I didn't save enough for a trip to Australia.  I didn't art harder at all.  And I did not double my Twitch followers.  To be fair, I didn't place particular emphasis or work particularly hard towards those particular goals.

I did hug my friends more, though, which I count as the biggest personal win of 2018.

​Right, tomorrow, I shall go through my new goals for 2019. How did you all manage with your 2018 goals?  Leave your celebrations and sorrows in the comments below!
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One Year of Lessons: Guest Post

27/12/2018

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Good morning, Readers!
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This beautiful painting is by deviantart.com user undomielle. I love it very much. They've got more cool stuff, so click the image to go to their page and check it all out.
I'm not here.  I'm on holidays.  Before I went on holiday, I put out a call for guest posts to fill in the void of my absence.

Oh hush. I know you miss me.

Anyway, wonderful human and good friend Jaggy responded with a great, personal post about Christmas and what she has learnt about in the year between this one and the last.

​Read on!

Good day peeps!
 
My amazing friend S.M. Carrière was looking for guest posts to fill her blog over the holiday season. I figured since I've never done a guest post before, it was time to give it a go!
 
Today I'll be talking about Christmas time and what it means to me. Though, it is a season that I both love and hate. And to explain that, I have to talk a little bit about the lead up to the holidays.
 
Many in my family were born in November, meaning that the holidays is always a financially difficult time. It is a time that puts me into chaos because I'm one of those November babies.
 
Another reason I tend to fret about the holidays is because I write for video games media. As such, there are innumerable article possibilities and there are copious amounts of Steam sales. Christmas time also marks the time of countless arbitrary video game award ceremonies. What that means is, as a person in the media, I have the option to write about these things. Video games media doesn't stop for the holidays...
 
The reasons I listed the above things demonstrates only part of why Christmas is stressful. Last year was honestly the tipping point. I was in the lowest slump ever, but what I learned from the chaos caused me to realize a very important lesson. It is that lesson that I hope to impart to you readers.
 
To briefly recap last year at Christmas time, the relationship I was in, crumbled for reasons I still don't understand. To make matters worse, it ended the same way the most recent previous couple of relationships ended. I was ghosted. Another thing about that time was that I thought I had a serious health issue, which scared me more than anything, and as a result, I descended into the worst mental state I've ever been in. If that wasn't enough, it was around that time that my coaching group ended rather abruptly, causing me to feel lost and unfocused. And finally, my regular writing outlet was not continuing in the format I had been accustomed to. Basically, my life had spiralled out of control.

After erecting the biggest emotional wall of my life, I decided to write something that I didn't talk about or publish until a couple months later. My blog page ended up being my only outlet, since I couldn't focus on my novels or on video game news. Up until that point, I had managed to write a post every week, worked on my novel regularly, and wrote daily articles. Every week I was an admin for some online tournaments. All of this crashed. I had to find a way to keep myself stable, but by Christmas time, I was a wreck and I retreated.
 
Writing was the only thing I had left and so I wrote, though, I did not want to be a Debbie Downer. Instead, I pulled myself out of the horrible mental state I was in and wrote how I managed to turn life around. This blog post was actually the last 'blog' post I wrote, and the focal point was for people to recognize that feeling sad, alone, and worthless are just temporary emotions. Things can change. Good can happen out of a mountain of bad. And I was crawling my way out of my deep hole.
 
This year, everything changed. My outlook on life changed, my outlook on the world changed, my ability to have more compassion for people has exponentially increased, and I am finally in a decent place. As a result, I've approached Christmas time differently. Somehow, I haven't felt stress or dread, and I actually feel happy for once.
 
It took surrounding myself with certain people who constantly remind me that I deserve as much love and respect as I give others. And bear in mind that a large majority of these people are online friends but they aren't the only ones who impacted me.
 
Here's what I learned: a family member reminded me that I should never be ashamed to smile. Another friend saw me on a day I was having a complete breakdown and he reminded me that I'm loved – regardless of what the issue was. (What's interesting is I have no idea if he knows how much that one statement meant.) Another person has really changed my life and not by forcing me to do anything specific. He let me be me without judgment. It's hard to explain why or how, but every single day I feel more connected to that person, because he's always been there – even at my lowest points.
 
With all of that said, I'd like to remind you to take this holiday season to reflect on the important things in your life like family, friends, food in your stomach, roofs over your head, and most importantly loving who you are. And if you already do have those things, then the best gift any of us could ever give is hope and love that things will always find a way to get better. Sometimes that reminder is all it takes.
 
I'll leave you with a song done by my favourite artist of all time, The Cruxshadows. Every year Rogue, the lead singer, puts together a Christmas song that people can download either for free or they can donate as much money as they would like. If you are interested in checking out the variety of Christmas songs they've released, the website can be found here.
Every year I listen to this song and I find it is the most important message I've ever heard. This is 'Tabhartas De', my favourite Christmas song by The Cruxshadows. I hope you like it. (And yes, I realize it's not a style of music people tend to listen to. Officially they are classified as 'Synth-pop, Dark Wave, or Gothic Rock' depending on which songs you listen to.
My name has been Jaggy and I write video game articles and reviews on www.chalgyr.com. I can be found on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.
 
Have a great December and I'll see you next time
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The Day After

26/12/2018

0 Comments

 
Good morning, Readers!
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This adorable, vaguely creepy piece is by deviantart.com user TamberElla. They've got more really cool pieces, which you can view by clicking the images.
So... we're all exhausted and a little bit hungover today, right?

Can we all just agree to leave each other alone today?  Cool?  Cool.

Ciao!

P.S. - I hope you got everything you wanted from Santa this holidays, and that gathering in large numbers with large numbers of people wasn't too stressful.  Now, let's go back to bed and sleep the holidays off, m'kay?
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Joyous Tidings!

25/12/2018

1 Comment

 
Good morning, Readers!
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MERRY CHRISTMAS

Whatever you call it, and however you celebrate it, wishing you the most joyous of days.
1 Comment

T'was the Morn Before Christmas

24/12/2018

0 Comments

 
Good morning, Readers!
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This really awesome and not Christmassy at all image is by the very talented deviantart.com user ShredderDima. They've got more really cool pieces, so you should totally click the image and check them out.
Today marks the first of the scheduled blog posts while I'm away being a lazy bum, sleeping in and eating, and otherwise sitting around, doing nothing.  I mean, probably gaming, if I'm honest.

Happily, my brother is coming up, and I'll get to hang out with him tonight.  That makes me really happy.  I don't get to see him nearly enough, and I enjoy my time with him.  Alas, we don't have him long.  Which, I mean, I get.  Who wants to hang out with their dopey older sister and their dad for more than a few days!

Family gatherings here are always wonderful, and I really love them.  I'm excited for tomorrow.  Good people, good food, literally the two things I love the most.

Right, I'm sure few enough people are reading this, and fewer of you have any time whatsoever today, so I'm going to keep it short.

Here's to your Christmas, in whatever form it takes.  May it be filled with much warmth and love and all the joy in the world.  If you're struggling this holiday, know that it's alright to struggle.  You don't have to love this time of the year.  If you are struggling, please take this virtual hug from me.  It will pass.  Reach out for help if you need it.

Alright, I'm off to... uh... do things (read here: sleep more).

​Ciao!
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All I Want for Christmas

19/12/2018

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Good morning, Readers!
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... Is some book reviews, yes some book reviews. Jeez, if only I could have some book reviews, then I could take a step in quietening the horrible existential dread that I am doing nothing with my life and I will never amount to anything and will die in poverty with a lifetime of regrets....

Ahem.

That got dark.

But seriously, book reviews are my favourite things to receive.  It's a great way of helping readers find books.  Even bad reviews help with that (provided they're specific and constructive, rather than just 'THIS SUX').  Some people have read a bad review, and then picked up the book, because literally everything the reviewer hated sounded exactly up their allies.  And a bad review can help steer a reader away from a book they won't like saving them, and the author, a fair bit of grief.

Anyway, the point is, I would love some book reviews for Christmas.

That is all.

(I mean, technically, that is not all.  I also want an Apple smartwatch, and the game Subnautica for the PS4, and a VR kit for my PS4, but I don't want those from anyone else other than myself, thank you very much)

What's on your Christmas/holiday wish list?  Let me know below!

I have more blog posts to schedule.

​Ciao!
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STOP THE PRESSES! SUBNAUTICA IS ON THE PS!

18/12/2018

0 Comments

 
Good morning, Readers!
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HOW DID I MISS THIS NEWS?!

I have watched a couple of Let's Plays of this game.  At that time, it was PC only, and as I was watching, all I could think was how much I wanted this game on the PS4; even better if it was VR.  It's a scary sci-fi survival game, and it's a great premise (you crash-land on an ocean planet, become infected with an alien virus, and must cure the virus before being able escape the planet and return home.  I was very jealous of the PC players, because it's a great story.

It came up in a chat on my Discord, and I decided to check to see if the game was on the Play Station yet, and it was!

So, I think I'll save up for a little bit and get it.  Maybe for my birthday next year.

For now, I have to go write and schedule more blog posts.

​Ciao!
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    S.M. Carrière, a Celtic Studies enthusiast, writes fiction.  And this blog.

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