Me, my problems, my life, they all fade into the background, only to return when I surface, blinking, back into reality.
It's a refreshing break from life, and I absolutely adore it.
The greatest problem plaguing me right now it the pervasive sense that I am simply not good enough. I know it is a common problem for artistic types, and actually, anyone who is striving for something better, really It's been particularly rough of late, since I care so damned much about the story, and I want it to really shine. I'm stressed that it's not, which, I mean, clearly it's not. There have been rejections, let me tell you.
Anyway, the point is, I've been struggling a bit. I've sent the manuscript off to people who have loved it, but they're people I know, and so much of me is a little disbelieving of it. They're friends, or want to be supportive. Of course they're going to say it's good.
I'm tossing around the idea of sending the manuscript to someone else in my circle; someone who might not be so worried about sparing my feelings. Part of the hesitation is that I'm not sure I could handle the manuscript being torn up and all the red pen marks, even though that's precisely what I want in order to improve it. Even though that's exactly what it needs.
I will put out feelers when I'm done the second book, I think, just before I start on the second book of the Avalon series. I'm excited to start writing that book, actually. But I must finish Outcast first. I'm just over a quarter of the way through that book, and I'm pretty happy with it thus far. The ending came to me this morning (I mean, I already know the ending, but the exact details of it were a bit hazy), and I quite like it. It's a good deal more exciting than I had previously imagined.
Anyway, I'm struggling a bit with wanting the Great Man Series to be a stunning opus, and feeling like I'm missing the mark. There isn't much for it, honestly. I cannot really change the way I write, no matter how much I want to emulate my favourite authors. Trying to write like them feels entirely inauthentic, and is incredibly taxing to boot. And still, I find that I feel simply not good enough to tell this story, or do it justice.
Getting out of that paralysing head space is really important, which is why I appreciate the recent spate of good writing sessions that have succeeded in getting me out of my own head while also managing to get this story down on paper.
Since this is the case, I should get going on the whole writing thing.