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Last week was a really hard week, mental health wise. The whole Kavanaugh debacle was far more triggering for me than I thought it would be, and I found myself paralysed for much of the week; creatively and personally. I was very much going through the motions, variously numb and furiously angry. There was a blanket of hopelessness over the whole thing.
Getting out of bed was difficult. Focussing on my work was difficult (and, indeed, I did not do any). Eating was forced. So were most of my smiles.
Saturday saw some genuine smiles. I taught my women's only martial arts classes, and I love doing that. They're awesome and bright, fun and funny, and wonderful people. Saturday made me feel better about life.
Sunday, not so much. I was supposed to be at Ottawa Geek Market manning the table for the most excellent Renaissance Press. Instead, I had to attend a mandatory CPR C refresher course for work. It was pretty much an all-day thing. It wasn't bad. At all. The instructor was great, the other employees in attendance were lovely. But the day was exhausting, as all days are when you're fighting melancholy, and I went home and collapsed and slept the rest of the day.
Yesterday was much better. I wrote a bit. Less than I'd like, but still, I wrote. I went home and fired up my Xbox to spend some time in Middle Earth (I'm really enjoying Shadow of Mordor). Playing a game just for me can sometimes be great, as it was last night, though I do miss the social aspect of streaming.
Today, I'm video editing, and if I can, get in more writing.
I'm still upset. I'm still triggered. Still furious at the state of the world, and particularly with how the world is treating women right now. But I'm past the worst of it, and heading back to work is doable.
For anyone else struggling with the world right now, it's alright to step back. It feels like war out there and, in a way, it is. Rest. Gather your strength. Pull your loved ones close. You cannot fight back if you haven't rested. And you don't have to fight all the time. Rest when you can. It's alright to take care of yourself. In fact, it's imperative.
Now I'm off to work.
Ciao.
Getting out of bed was difficult. Focussing on my work was difficult (and, indeed, I did not do any). Eating was forced. So were most of my smiles.
Saturday saw some genuine smiles. I taught my women's only martial arts classes, and I love doing that. They're awesome and bright, fun and funny, and wonderful people. Saturday made me feel better about life.
Sunday, not so much. I was supposed to be at Ottawa Geek Market manning the table for the most excellent Renaissance Press. Instead, I had to attend a mandatory CPR C refresher course for work. It was pretty much an all-day thing. It wasn't bad. At all. The instructor was great, the other employees in attendance were lovely. But the day was exhausting, as all days are when you're fighting melancholy, and I went home and collapsed and slept the rest of the day.
Yesterday was much better. I wrote a bit. Less than I'd like, but still, I wrote. I went home and fired up my Xbox to spend some time in Middle Earth (I'm really enjoying Shadow of Mordor). Playing a game just for me can sometimes be great, as it was last night, though I do miss the social aspect of streaming.
Today, I'm video editing, and if I can, get in more writing.
I'm still upset. I'm still triggered. Still furious at the state of the world, and particularly with how the world is treating women right now. But I'm past the worst of it, and heading back to work is doable.
For anyone else struggling with the world right now, it's alright to step back. It feels like war out there and, in a way, it is. Rest. Gather your strength. Pull your loved ones close. You cannot fight back if you haven't rested. And you don't have to fight all the time. Rest when you can. It's alright to take care of yourself. In fact, it's imperative.
Now I'm off to work.
Ciao.
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