So, I wrote this great big blog post about how recently I was outwardly all like:
Needless to say, there was an incident of passive aggressiveness to which I responded with uncharacteristic good old fashioned bull-headedness. I dug my heels in and refused to budge. No one in the story comes out looking good, but I'm really not sorry I did it.
You see, all my life I have been pushed around, and then invalidated. Want to know what invalidation of a person is all about? Bully a person and then blame the victim for feeling bad (you're too sensitive, lighten up etc) instead of adjusting your own awful behaviour. Victims have every right to feel victimised. If someone continues to do something that hurts another person while chiming 'stop being so sensitive' that person is a grade A arsehole. I do feel that I was taught to be accommodating even if that meant I went without. I tried so hard to be that person that I often went without. Without a voice. Without an outlet. Without meeting my needs.
I still struggle to be assertive, often finding myself being obliging to the point of ridiculousness. That is slowly changing, thank the gods. I'm getting more and more comfortable with resisting, with being a thorn, with people thinking that I'm a bitch. Age has a lot to do with it, I suppose. I mean, there must be a finite number of years before even the most placid of animals bites back.
In any case, in the end, I got the thing I needed and the matter was resolved. I just think it's a damn shame that as an adult, I still am pushed around and invalidated to the point where I have to throw a fit like a damned toddler in order to be heard.
I hate it.
And of course, some people delight in pushing others to the point of mental breakdown, and then snicker, blame or otherwise torment a person when they reach that inevitable point. Gods those people are arseholes.
I'm not saying this person is like that, mind you. I do think he likes having his way even if it makes zero logical sense to do it his way, and I do think he's horribly passive aggressive about it, but otherwise an awesome person.
At least the matter is resolved. I can put it behind me and continue on. Also, thank goodness there is training tonight. I get to work my frustrations out on my training partner.
Heh heh heh.
Yesterday I got no writing done whatsoever, as work has given me a new computer and I was busy installing all the drivers and software I needed to function in the office. It took a long time, and so I didn't bother to open up the story when I finished. I just farted around and listening to music.
I'm not sore about it. Normally after finishing a novel, I give myself the rest of the month off. However, I was so excited about this story that I dove right in after finishing Human. Today, I will attempt to write again. Perhaps this time I will be able to get started on the story proper! Hah!
This novel might be a bit slow going, as I think I'll need to stop often to double check that my dates and names are correct. Because of this suspicion, I'm dropping my official daily goal to 1 500 words. My unofficial goal will still be 2 000 words, and I'll try and reach that mark, but as long as I make it over 1 500 words in a writing session, I will consider the day a success.
And so, with nothing further to add, I must bid you farewell. I'm off to do Welsh stuff, then to write. Have a wonderful day!