Good morning, Readers!

Well, I've been having a rough go of it.

My mental health has taken another dive, and last weekend was spent in bed, with a journal, sobbing intermittently. As is the norm for me, I was... am... feeling stuck, adrift and without direction. A rudderless boat in centre of a perfect storm. Every crashing wave tearing chunks out of my hull, leaving me defenceless against an inevitable drowning.

It's not a fun feeling. 0/10. Would not recommend.

I hate feeling this way.

Depression is cruel beast. I'm fortunate that I've been diagnosed, and so can recognise what it is when the inevitable downward spirals happen. That knowledge alone has made it easier for me to persevere through the worst of it.

Journalling also helps, actually. It takes all the inner-awful and draws it out; poison from a wound. Somehow it helps lessen the effects. There is still pain, but I'm less at risk of dying from it.

In my over three hours of sobbing and journalling, I decided that I needed to make some changes to my life. I'm not happy where I am at all. This life isn't a good fit for me.

Don't get me wrong, I am actually intensely grateful for all that I have. I have a roof over my head, and good friends, and a good job that pays pretty well... compared to my last job, at least. But I'm still, in the depths of my heart, dissatisfied.

I quite like my job. I like my coworkers. I can do the tasks I'm assigned, and do them well. I feel useful and valued and productive. But this still isn't the job for me. If I were to win the lotto, I would be out of here so fast... Okay, maybe not that fast. I'd have to spend some time reorganising my life, so I'd probably work the rest of the year, but then... then I'd be gone. But I'd be back on occasion to have lunch with some of my coworkers, because they're generally great.

There are so many things I want to do with my life that cannot be done because I spend 40 hours a week doing tasks for other people.

However, some people manage to do it, and make a living from it.

I want to learn how to do that. I want to learn how to do the things I want to do, and receive a decent living from it. I don't want to be famous, by any stretch. I don't need to be filthy rich. I just want enough to live well, for myself. I want to spend my days working on the things I love, not just doing the things I must in order to eat and sleep under a roof.

I've kinda already started. I have three loves that I want to spend more of my time on. I'm trying to make that happen. These are: writing, art, gaming.

I'm slowly creating a universe for myself where I can do all these things. Hopefully, if I work at it enough, and if luck is very much on my side (*weeps in perpetually unlucky*), I make be able to pull it off. I'll go through each of these, and what I'm doing about it in separate blog posts.

For now, though, I just have to focus on continuing to breathe. I just have to get through this bad time. I will. I always do.

Ciao!

Good morning, Readers!

I'm over at Black Gate magazine today, talking about some pretty awesome music videos.

A few weeks ago, actually probably a couple of months ago, now that I think about it, an artist I have been following for a while dropped a music video. Ordinarily, I’d not really mention it here, though I do think the artist in question is extraordinary and the song is a bop, as the kids say. It wasn’t the song that kept me watching, however. Most times with music videos, I open them on my YouTube, then go to a different tab to do work.

Not this time.
​
What I watched wasn’t really a music video. I mean, it was a video and it did feature a single song, and was created for the specific purpose of presenting the song to the world. However, the video itself was a story – a short film. It had an inciting incident, the hero’s lowest point, and a satisfying conclusion. This tale was specifically, it was a short cyber-punk Robin Hood tale. The visuals were spectacular, the acting quite good (if somewhat melodramatic), and the story compelling.

Good morning, Readers!

Well, this is something of a clusterfuck of a writing check in.

As readers of this blog will note, my mental health took a sharp nose dive at the end of March/beginning of April, leaving me able to write, but utterly unable to record what I wrote and when. Honestly, just getting to write at all was a huge victory for me that last little bit, so I’m not going to gripe too much. What it does mean, however, is that I have an unaccounted for 8 968 words that I have no idea where to place.

I’ve decided that they’re bankable words. Interest to fill in the spaces where I didn’t quite reach my goal for the month. Which is a good thing, because I have not started out April strong.

But first, the end of the month results for March:

So, over 15 000 words is nothing to sniff at. I didn’t hit my goal, but at least I did something.

My results for the first full week of April were also shy of the mark.

My plan to write an extra thousand or so words before the weekend ended did not happen. I took another dive and I instead concentrated my energy on trying to pull myself out of a bad spiral. I’ll write a bit more on that later in the week, maybe.

Once again, I didn’t hit my goal, but I was not far from it. I’m still counting it as a victory, considering how things have been for me and my stupid brain of late.

And there’s time to make up the difference.

Before my brain wigged out, I was just shy of 100 000 words, finishing the week at 98 066 words. A fortnight later, when I started recording my progress once more, I began my week with 107 034 words. So, in the two weeks between my break and getting back on track, I wrote 8 968 words. That is shy of the 10 000 words that would have been my goal for two weeks, but it’s not actually terrible.

I’m not happy about much of this. I hate missing marks I set for myself. I despise blowing past deadlines. And arriving late to anywhere gives me severe anxiety.

However

I’m trying to learn to cut myself some slack. It’s a tough time for everyone, and I am no exception. That I managed to get anything written, let alone coming so close to my targets, is actually something I can be proud of. I’m working on getting there, in any case.

As it stands, I’m roughly 2 000 words behind schedule. That’s not insurmountable. I might be able to fix it before this week is out.

For now, though, I’m going to concentrate on just hitting my targets. If I can manage more, then that’s grand. I just want to reach the line this week, though. So far, it’s going pretty well... I say after one day of the week has passed.

And that’s where I am with my writing until now. I will make another report next Tuesday. For now, though,

​Ciao!

Good morning, Readers!

Sooo... LWJ and WWX have escaped, killing the slaughter tortoise. Heh. That’s just such a hilarious phrase. LWJ has gone to the Cloud Recesses, and WWX has returned home to Lotus Cove, where his adopted father dotes on him. But shit’s about to go down.

Unlike the previous few episodes, this one opens on an entirely new scene. Jiang Fengmian is summoned into his throne room where two members of the Yao Clan - a small cultivation clan - lay injured on the floor. The Clan Leader is in absolutely terrible shape. They reveal that the Wen Clan attacked them, practically obliterating their Clan. These two, the clan leader and his heir, are now the only survivors.

Well, shit.

Turns out the Wen Clan are systematically obliterating all the clans whose heirs escaped the cave of the slaughter tortoise and thus the Wen Clan indoctrination.

WWX with Jiang Cheng’s aid convince Jiang Fengmian that the Jin Clan would be helpful here. Even if the Jin Clan leader will not publicly revolt against the Wen Clan, his son, Jin Zuxian (the peacock) is definitely on their side, and will be able to help them. Sweet. Allies in unexpected places.

Jian Fengmian decides to go then to the Jin Clan, bringing his daughter with him. This leaves Jiang Cheng and WWX in charge. In a pretty sweet moment, Mama Jiang, who is actually called Madam Yu, brings a bounty of food for her daughter, and medicine for her husband, revealing that she actually cares about him, even if she’s acting really bitchy about it currently.

We jump over to the Nightless City, and the weird volcanic throne room of the Wen Clan, Wen Chao enters, as a multitude of puppets shuffle and twitch around the lava pit over which three pieces of the Yin Iron float. The throne is empty, and we find Wen Ruohan sitting on the steps instead. Dude looks a wreck.

We find out that Xue Yang, that weird little psychopath, has gone awol, and Wen Ruohan wants Wen Chao to track him down and get his fragment of the Yin Iron. This enrages Wen Ruohan, and with his worsened temper, he loses control of his own hand. When he demands Wen Qing for his acupuncture, Wen Chao reminds him that he sent her away. Why would you send your doctor away? What a tool. He refuses to recall her.

Credit to canary3d for so many hilarious gifs.

Then Wen Chao reports that the slaughter tortoise is dead, and they’ve found suppressing sigils on the beast, which was probably why they failed to notice it before all the trouble at the cave. When Wen Ruohan asks after the artefact responsible for the suppression, Wen Chao reports it was gone. Then Wen Ruohan sends his son to Lotus Cove, telling the coward he can kill them all if he wants.

Not. Good.

Back at Lotus Cove, we’re at another session of archery, where everyone is shooting at kites. Jiang Cheng and WWX are supervising. Bored WWX declares he’s had enough, and the youngest disciples are sent to go collect the arrows and kites.

In the collecting, they come across Flirty McBitchface and a contingent of Wen Clan soldiers. She’s holding a kite and demands to know whose it is. It belongs to the youngest disciple (we met him previously when Jiang Fengmian was showing him how to shoot properly). Flirty McBitchface demands that the soldiers seize the boy.

Don’t all the disciples come running to Jiang Cheng and WWX.

All the commotion brings out Madam Yu.

"What's this ruckus?"

She stands her ground as Flirty McBitchface and her soldiers arrive. It’s a bitch-off, guys.

This jumped up harlot of the Wen Clan sits on the throne and demands tea. One of Madam Yu’s handmaidens basically tells her to pour the damned tea her damned self.

Oooh. Sassy.

Flirty McBitchface says that servants should know their place. A little hypocritical, since she herself was a servant before Wen Chao decided he liked her better than his wife, her mistress. She says that Madam Yu’s servant would earn herself a slap to the face if she behaved that way in the Wen Clan.

Madam Yu tells Flirty McBitchface that no one can slap them. No one would dare.  Flirty McBitchface insists that servants should behave like servants. Madam Yu does the equivalent of saying, “Yeah, WWX. Know your place.”

When pressed as to why she seized their disciple, Flirty McBitchface says that it was because the child was conspiring against the Wen Clan. She uses the kite as proof - it’s round and golden, like the sun, which I guess is the symbol of the Wen Clan, apparently. WWX points out that if that’s the reasoning, then no one should be peeling and eating oranges, as they are golden and round like the sun. But oranges are a personal favourite of Flirty McBitchface.

Madam Yu demands the reason for the visit - was it really for a kite. Apparently not. No, Flirty McBitchface is there to seek punishment for a particular someone. That someone apparently distracted Wen Chao when he was fighting the slaughter tortoise. Luckily, Wen Chao killed it anyway (the lying cow), but the person who cost him the first fight needs to be punished. It’s WWX, obviously.

Jiang Cheng tries to step in, but is silenced by his mother.

Then Flirty McBitchface strikes a nerve, saying that if anyone in Lotus Cove was shielding him, it would lend credence to the rumours that WWX is actually Jiang Fengmian’s illegitimate son. Well, Madam Yu is having none of that. WWX loses his temper and goes for Flirty McBitchface, but Madam Yu hits him full in the chest with a whip of purple electricity that magically unleashes from a bracelet on her wrist. It’s the same weapon that older Jian Cheng lashed WWX with in the second episode.

Jiang Cheng steps between them, and Madam Yu warns him to butt out or he’ll feel the lash too. Her maids pull Jiang Cheng away and poor WWX gets lashed four more times. Once again, Jiang Cheng moves between them, tearfully begging his mother to stop.

She stops. Despite WWX in agony on the ground, Flirty McBitchface is not impressed. She demands that Madam Yu cut of WWX’s right hand - that’s his sword arm. Being WWX, we learn from eavesdropping on his thoughts, that he would gladly give up his right hand if it would mean the Wen Clan leaves the Jiang Clan alone.

By all accounts, it looks as though Madam Yu is going to do it, despite her son’s protestations. Flirty McBitchface then does something stupid. She reveals that the Lotus Cove is going to become the Wen Clan supervisory office - stripping Madam Yu and her son of their home. Well, doesn’t that get under Madam Yu’s skin. She full on backhands Flirty McBitchface, sending her sprawling. AND she puts her foot on Flirty McBitchface’s head and reminds her that she is just a servant, and that “I am superior, and you are inferior.”

Look, I don’t like Madam Yu, though I kinda understand her lashing out, but there is not denying she is an absolute boss. I am absolutely cheering for her here.

Her badass servants then become a blur of murderous activity, slaughtering the Wen soldiers. Then they go for Flirty McBitchface. She screams for Wen Zhuliu - Wen Chao’s bodyguard, also known as the core melter (or crusher, depending on the translation you’re reading). Well, doesn’t it seem that Wen Zhuliu and Madam Yu know each other. She greets him as Core Crusher. He greets her as Purple Spider.

It looks like they aren’t going to fight, but Flirty McBitchface forces the issue. Amazingly, Madam Yu makes the first move, noting that Wen Zhuliu isn’t a Wen at all, but that he abandoned his own clan to join the Wens. That’s a backstory I’d really want to learn more about. Regardless, there’s a fight.

WWX shouts for Jiang Cheng to stop Flirty McBitchface from firing off the beacon, which would summon more Wen Clan soldiers. He does, but gets distracted when he sees Wen Zhuliu gain the upper hand in the fight against his mum. He goes to help her, but gets badly beaten by Wen Zhuliu. Meanwhile, Flirty McBitchface sends up the fireworks, sounding the alarm.

Madam Yu uses the distraction to collect WWX, who is still on the floor 'cause of his recent lashing, and her son, and flies off with them to the quay. She puts them both in a boat and checks Jiang Cheng over, relieved that the damage was not severe. My guess is she was very worried that the Core Crusher crushed his magical core.

What follows is a heartbreaking goodbye. Madam Yu ties both boys together with her purple whip, saying it belongs to Jiang Cheng now, and will recognize him as its master. Also, the bindings will not loosen until they’re both safe. She makes WWX swear he will protect Jiang Cheng with his life, if necessary. She doesn’t soften to WWX at all, blaming him for everything that has happened. But when Jiang Cheng begs his mother to come with them, she pulls him close

She kicks the boat off the pier, watching them go with tears in her eyes, before turning and rejoining the fight.

Distraught, Jiang Cheng screams for his mother as the boat drifts down river. They come across their father’s boat. He is returning with Jiang Yanli. He releases the boys, discovering that the Purple Lightning Whip recognizes him as a master (giving hint to his wife’s feelings for him). Jiang Cheng explains everything, and begs for his father to take them back to the fight.

NOPE!

Jiang Fengmian ties all three of his children up with the purple lightning, telling them they’re to go to their grandmother’s to hide. There’s another touching goodbye before Jiang Fengmian leaves his children to go to his wife’s side.

His three children:

Me:

And that’s where we end the episode.

What I Liked

Ugh! All the tears! Look, there’s a part of me that really enjoys having my heart torn out and stomped on, and this horrible tearing apart of parents and children definitely does that. I might have sobbed on my first watching. Hard. Like, my pillow was soaking wet. I held it together better this time around. Just.

There wasn’t so much action this episode, of course. It is a drama after all. But the tension in this episode was done extremely well. And they did rip my heart out. Sometimes those kind of scenes can be extremely corny - either the writing or the acting (and sometimes both) are inexcusably bad. Not so here. It was all so well done, and I was destroyed on my first watching.

What Could Have Been Better

Uh... there were no goofy action pieces this time around (which is really where I find my biggest complaints), so finding a complaint is tough. I’m not looking closely enough to see wires that appear on camera, or if there are any costuming mistakes. I honestly, don’t have anything that I’d do differently this time around.

Good morning, Readers!

That seagull is me. On the inside.

Not much to report today. I'm a little behind in my writing.

I slammed my finger in the filing cabinet a few days ago. It's not as black as I expected it would be, given the pain of the incident.

What else? The panel is tomorrow night, and I'm freaking out a bit. On a related tangent, I'm going to have to reschedule tomorrow's live stream. I'm hoping for Saturday. We'll see.

I happier news, I learnt that my dad will get his first inoculation shot against Covid soon. I'm so excited to be able to hug him again - just have to wait until his second shot, and my two shots and then I'll be golden.

Um... that's it. That's all I've got.

Stay safe this weekend. I'll see some of you during my stream, and some of you next week.

​Ciao!

Good morning, Readers!

I'm very very late posting this, but!

I'll be on a panel this Friday as part of Can*Con's continuing commitment to provide a pandemic convention, or sorts. I will be sitting with many other wonderful, far better folks talking about folklore and how we use it in our writing. But I suck at explaining, so here's the actual spiel from the folks at Can*Con:

It starts at 7pm.

So click the link to register so you can sit in on what looks to be a juicy conversation about really cool things!

Okay, I have to go. There's lot to do all of a sudden.

​Ciao!

Good morning, Readers!

I haven't blogged in a while, other than the pre-scheduled episode breakdowns of The Untamed. For that I'm sorry. Things have not been okay with me for a bit. Nothing major. Just... I'm struggling coping with *gestures at everything.*

I live in Ontario in Canada. The province is run by a conservative, and his handling of the pandemic and the vaccine rollout is going about as well as you can guess. If you can't guess, we're in our third wave, hit with another lockdown that is a lockdown only in name. The man cares more about getting his rich friends richer, and attempting to score political points against our prime minister, and thinks nothing of playing with people's lives to do it.

That's about where we are as a province. And I wasn't coping very well.

I'm a little better now. Enough to blog again.

Tuesdays was supposed to by my writing check-in, but the nature of my recent spiral meant that though I wrote some, I neither reached my daily goal, nor attempted to record my progress at all for the last two weeks or so.

So this is a hard reset on that.

As of lunch hour yesterday (writing this shortly after), I have just past 107 000 words. I didn't hit my daily goal, so there will have been a writing session in the evening after the writing of this post. I'm hoping to make it past 108 000, and will consider that the new set point for counting my daily efforts.

I will try and keep up with the word counting until the book is finished. I'm not as close as I want to be to the end - it's a long one, remember. Still, I'm getting there, and I am feeling a little bit of pride that despite how awful I spiralled this past fortnight, I still managed to write some.

We have to take what little victories we can.

Hopefully I'm back to blogging too. I'll keep trying, at least. Until tomorrow, then.

Ciao!