Making Myself Focus

So… I might have been influenced, as it were. Last week, Hand Green posted about this app he created, designed to help people put down their phones and set aside time to focus on things they want to/need to. So I, forever just coming home, collapsing on my couch and scrolling online for forever, decided, after much consideration, that I could probably benefit from this app.

I have been subscribed to the Vlog Brothers, shared between John and Hank Green (one an author, the other a science communicator, inventor, and many, many other things), channel for many, many years. While I’m not active in their community, called Nerdfighteria (whose motto is to reduce world suck), enough to consider myself a Nerdfighter,  I have yet to miss a video.

There’s just something wholesome about those brothers, and it’s so lovely to see a healthy sibling relationship. Added bonus: they really are trying to reduce world suck. They’re building maternity hospitals in Sierra Leone, providing university credits for a fraction of the price, bringing to light the issues around the altogether very curable, but frustratingly not, disease of Tuberculosis, creating companies that educate the public for free on YouTube… like… they’re actually being forces of good in the world. And sometimes you just need to be reminded of that, you know?

Anyway, all this to say that I’ve been following them a while.

So when Hank Green announced this little app, I was already inclined to trust that it was not a weird cash grab. And by all accounts, it’s not. It’s completely free to download. There are in app purchases, but they’re not a requirement to make the app better. They’re just to make is more personalised if you’re wanting something more “you.”

Best of all - they do not collect your data. The only name you need is the one you’re going to call your little bean.

I’ve called mine Buddy.

Let me explain. The way the app works is that you get this little bean, and the little bean loves to knit. All they want to do is knit. But living inside of a phone makes it difficult, because there’s just so much going on in there. So, what you must do, is set the timer, and then put your phone down and do not touch for that timer. When that is happening, you can go off and do the thing you need to do while your bean is knitting.

If you pick up your phone, the little bean will mess up, and drop stitches, and become very sad. Poor little thing. So you mustn’t touch that timer until the time is up. As a reward, you get a bunch of socks the little bean knits for you, which you can then trade in to decorate the room for the bean.

It’s frikkin’ adorable.

I downloaded it Thursday of last week, and I used it that night to try and get a grip on my life.

I have been swinging in and out of depression for quite a while. Actually, what’s closer to the truth is that I’ve been moving from a low grade depression in and out of acute depressive episodes. For a long, long time now.

Long before Galahad died.

As a result, I’ve rather let everything slide. I’d come home and do nothing. I’d be too exhausted from pretending I was alright all day, or my executive dysfunction would otherwise not permit me to function like an adult.

My apartment is a mess.

So, I tried using Focus Friend to help me out; starting with my bedroom. I figured I could set the timer for an hour, and just get done what I could in that time. I knew I wouldn’t have the bandwidth to go much longer than an hour. I’d just get done what I could in that time, and then repeat every day until the whole apartment is spotless.

And, you know, it worked. I just set the timer, let the little bean knit his little socks, and cleaned. I managed to get the closet cleaned out, cleared away the laundry that had been needing to be folded since… uh… never mind when, folded and put away the ironing board that held said laundry, vacuumed and washed part of the floor, and even rearrange my furniture slightly.

My dressing table, which was against the wall near the window before, making it very tight around my bed, is now at the door, where the ironing board once stood. The clutter on it has been cleared away. A lamp I never got to unpack was taken out and put on the table. And I managed to move the bed over a little to get it closer to the middle of the room. Everything got a wipe-down.

There’s a lot still to do, and some fixing up of the room I want to undertake. For starters, I would like to get rid of my chest of drawers, and opt for hanging everything in the closet (I need to get those hangers that can hang multiple items of clothing and then collapse to create more room). That way I can move the bed to the proper centre of the room.

I’d also like to get real bamboo in a pot to put in the room. Maybe a tall fern or a shade-loving palm. More plants, essentially. Many more plants.

There’s a net thing you can hang in a corner, and that’s where my stuffed toys would live. I’d need a shelf for the stuff that currently lives on my dresser, which I want to get rid of.

I have ideas. Just no will. And no money. Not the point.

The point is, while an hour did not result in a completely clean bedroom, it did allow me to get some stuff done, and I really appreciated being able to disconnect from my phone for a little bit. The app really did help.

Of course, it took me quite a while before I could drag myself up from to couch and set the timer in order to do the thing. That is genuinely the hardest part of using this app. It’s to actually use it.

But I did have a productive night Thursday. Not only did I clean my room for an hour, but I also set the bean to knit for half an hour and wrote the exclusive blog post for my subscribers.

With no ads, no pressure or real need to pay for anything (unless you want to), some chill music, and an adorable little knitting bean, I have to say, this is a great app. I hope I can find the willpower to use it more.

Alright, I have to get to work. And so do you.

Slán go foill!