I'm slowly coming out of my weird freeze. It's been a fight, and I've had to take it slowly. I tried jumping in, foot first. It failed spectacularly. I managed to keep a schedule for maybe two or three days at a time, which was immediately followed with a burnout so deep and dark, it would take me a week or more to climb back to the light.
Last week, I started out slowly with editing the videos of me teaching martial arts (which I had neglected for almost a month) to upload for my students to reference whenever they want and also editing the manuscript of someone who should already have it back by now. She's been extremely good at not constantly asking for news, though surely she must be dying for some. Thank you, incidentally, for your patience.
I even managed to practice the guitar a bit (and got terribly sunburnt while practicing outside on Saturday. I wasn't even out that long. Alas, just a few moments in the spring sun in Canada is enough to render my pasty flesh the same hue as a cooked lobster). That one made me the happiest, actually.
As you know, if you've been keeping up on the blog posts, I signed up for Skillshare to learn how to paint in oils. I decided that, while I wait for my painting supplies to come in, I'd check out what they offered for guitar as well. I found a teacher I quite like, and went through the first lesson. I came away from the first lesson with a few riffs which... I mean.... many of them don't quite work on acoustic, but some do, and I'm pleased to be learning them. It made me feel likeI could actually play. After just one lesson.
And now I want an electric guitar.
There are other things taking the guitar lesson taught me. The first is that I think I learn best with a teacher. It would be super cool if I could say 'self-taught' but my brain requires the structure and instruction that having a teacher supplies. It also really helps to have a visual example to observe and copy.
With this experience, I'm really looking forward to starting my fine art adventure on Skillshare. Once I feel comfortable going out on my own with oil-painting, I'll be looking into clay sculpture. And also leather working and wood working as well.
I've missed music lessons. I've missed art lessons.
I've missed creating beautiful things with my hands.
One thing at a time, though. Fridays are, for now, my lesson days. Guitar lessons, painting lessons (when my supplies arrive)... it's almost as if I've regressed to high school.
Skillshare even gives you homework.
I'm almost forty and I'm doing homework.
I'm okay with this.
Anyway, it was a horrid time in my life, and to be honest, I don't remember much of it (my brain has put a big ol' wall up), but I do remember that music and art was what saved me, and now, when I feel like I'm drowning once again, I find myself reaching for the same.
This morning, I did a quick workout before settling at my computer to start the day's work. It is a small thing, but made me feel better for doing it. I might not be able to keep it up, but I'll try. If all goes well tomorrow, I will be going for a run (or attempt a run. I'm woefully out of practice). If I can manage that for a few days, maybe it'll become habit again, and I'll be fitter and healthier by the end of this thing.
I'm trying to be gentle with myself if I do fail at this, though. It's been a weirdly difficult time, I'm sure you can all agree.
Right, I'm off to get some work done. I shall see you all tomorrow.