Plus, Galahad seemed to know that I was sad, so he was extra cuddly. I took a photo and posted it on Facebook. Shortly after that, he woke, crawled closer to me, and fell asleep with one paw on my chest. He's a dumb cat. Honestly. He's not bright. But he is lovely. It didn't cure the sads, but it really did make me feel better.
Things being so normal at home also helped. I fought, unsuccessfully I might add, tears the entire way home. It took me a bit to step inside too. I didn't want to walk through the door howling my distress. So once I got home, I stood outside and cried for a bit.
Sounds pretty pathetic, really, when I write it out. But honestly, you need to cry it out every so often. Last night was just one of those nights. Life lesson: Don't be ashamed of your tears. Not only is it cathartic to bawl every so often, but it's actually useful. Tears contain all kinds of excess hormones that your body needs to be rid of. Cry. It's healthy.
Once inside, things improved a lot. The cats were there. The Amazing Flatmate was fussing with Christmas gifts in the kitchen. I had tea, and music and could rest in a place that felt familiar and safe.
It was exactly what the doctor ordered.
I'm much better today.
Thanks everyone for your messages of support. I don't write about my mood to gather pity. Mostly, it's because I live so much in my head, blogging about how I'm doing helps me get out of that space and create some distance between myself and my depression. That helps me in dealing with it. I also write about it because no one was talking about this stuff when I was going through the worst of it. No one. I felt so alone and isolated. I don't want anyone else to feel like that. So I write about it.
All the same, I really do appreciate you taking the time to send a positive message. It was very sweet. Thank you.
Now I'm off to make more tea.