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Sadness

25/5/2020

1 Comment

 
Good morning, Readers!
Picture
Found this on publicdomainpictures.net.
I'm not supposed to be here writing this. I'm supposed to be in the country, by a lake, seeing family. I had to cancel that trip, as travelling anywhere is giving me too much anxiety at present, and even minor normal symptoms of chaining weather has me on edge.

After cancelling the trip, I cried. A lot.

I haven't seen family in months, despite livi​ng same city. It didn't hit how much I missed them, my father in particular, whom I visited at least once a month before this, until I cancelled.  I sobbed for almost an hour afterwards, then broke down again later in the afternoon. I'm crying a little just writing this, because now I have to think about it.

Honestly, I don't know how folks who are totally alone through this are making it. I at least have my cats, and Galahad in particular is a cuddly little bugger, and my flatmate who, even if we're both doing our thing, is still a comforting presence in the house.

I didn't teach this weekend. I cancelled the class because I was supposed to be away, and didn't reinstate it. I was too depressed Saturday to face anyone. So, I spent the whole day gaming. Probably because I was carving some fatherly comfort, I revisited the 2018 God of War. I played for two days straight. Still not finished it,  by the by. I still adore old man Kratos, and his adorable son. It's such a brilliant story and exceptional execution of it.

Sunday was a bit brighter.

Ages ago, I had made an impulsive order for something that would help improve my time in quarantine, particularly those rainy days when I can't go out at all. It's a VR kit for my Playstation. And also a VR copy of Skyrim. And also Beat Sabre.

Though escaping in to virtual worlds is my modus operandi for when things get difficult, I have set strict limits on it. The first is that I'm not allowed to touch it at all until I've finished my work for the day.

For today, that means writing this blog post, French lesson, editing a couple of chapters on a friend's manuscript, and also writing at least a thousand words on my own project. Also today, I need to fold and put away my laundry and wash my dishes.

Than I can play some games.

Maybe I'll feel a little less sad with work to do.

Right, on that note, I have to go and start editing. But first:

30 Day Song Challenge - Day 25

A Song by an Artist No Longer Living
A classic. Back when I was going out on the town, Irish pubs would play music like this all the time here in Ottawa. They don't really, anymore. I miss those days.

Stan Rogers died so young. It makes me so very sad.

This challenge day was very appropriate, me thinks.

​Ciao!
1 Comment
Jaina link
25/5/2020 11:59:23 am

You have my sympathies. I've been in such a situation more times than I'd like to think, so I can understand to some degree. I think it's appropriate that you kept the class cancelled. It's a hard time for everyone, but it sounds like you were feeling particularly rough this weekend, and as a writer and gamer, I can sympathize with gaming to take my mind off things. Even professionals need to take care of themselves first.

I truly hope you feel better soon.

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    S.M. Carrière, a Celtic Studies enthusiast, writes fiction.  And this blog.

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