Then, because I hadn't given up all hope just yet, I sent it off to friend, fellow author, and freelance editor Cait Gordon. Cait has restored my faith in the manuscript, and in my ability to write. I've posted much of our conversations as she's messaged me while editing, so you're probably aware of that already.
The point is that I've had my faith in this story renewed, and so I'm ready to send it out into the world once more, hoping someone will take a bite. I feel like I can take a few more knocks on this one without wanting to curl into a ball and die.
It's hard, you know, believing in something when it seems no one else will. It's nice to have back-up sometimes.
So, this week, I'm preparing Skylark for a pretty major submission, to be sent off next week with a prayer that perhaps this time it'll find some traction. I have a short list of four publishers... I lied, five publishers, that I will submit to. If none bite, I will be self-publishing this one.
Skylark is good. It has something to say. The brave men and women of USC Team 6 deserve to have their stories told.
I'll be damned if I'll let it sit silently in a drawer somewhere.
So, I'm printing over 500 pages of stuff to put in an envelope and send away. If i'm lucky, I'll hear about it in three or so months. Otherwise, I can assume another ghosting and move on to the next publisher.
I'm nervous and sad, and also hopeful. Any rejection of this manuscript will hurt. Rejections of any manuscript hurts, but this one is especially sore.
That's the problem with caring so damned much.
Okay, now I'm just procrastinating on getting this submission done. Because I'm nervous. I just have to remind myself that rejection is the likeliest outcome. I just have to manage my expectations.
I'll let you know when the manuscript has been sent away. You can wish me luck then. For now, i'm just printing reams of paper. I feel so badly for all these trees...