S.M. Carrière . com
Connect:
  • Home
  • About
  • Titles
    • Daughters Of Britain
    • Dear Father
    • Ethan Cadfael: The Battle Prince
    • Human
    • Skylark
    • The Dying God & Other Stories
    • The Seraphimè Saga >
      • The Summer Bird (v.1)
      • The Winter Wolf (v.2)
    • Your Very Own Adventures >
      • Skara Braens
      • Sky Road Walker
    • WIP Updates
  • Art
  • Other Projects
    • Editing Services
    • Charity Efforts >
      • Gàrradh nan Leannan
      • Have a Heart Campaign
    • Journal
    • Martial Arts
    • Silver Stag Entertainment
    • The Adventures of Grimglum the Nord
    • SMC Awkwardly Plays
  • Shop
    • Books
    • Art Prints
  • Contact

On Gifting

4/6/2015

7 Comments

 
Good morning, Readers!
Picture
Image courtesy of meditate2go.com blog. Click for link.
How are you this morning?

I'm well, thanks for asking!

Let's talk about gifting, shall we?

Some people love receiving gifts.  I mean... free stuff!  What's not to like?

Other people are very weird.

Like me.

I don't like receiving gifts all that much - especially if it's for no reason at all.  It makes me uncomfortable.  Really uncomfortable if the gift is given without a reason (like a birthday or something).  Of course, I realise that makes things a little tougher for people who like to gift.  Still, I'm setting a boundary.  Please no gifts for no reason.  To help you out, I've made a few helpful lists!

(Please note, I'm being pretty facetious at the moment.  While this is all true, it's not an indictment on anyone, and I realise that I'm weird)

Things I do not consider gifts:

  • Hand-me-down clothes.  Technically they are gifts, since I get them for free, but I don't feel bad because they'd be thrown out or given away regardless.  They weren't purchased specifically to give to me.
  • Hand-me-down tech.  If you're just going to throw it out any way, I'm cool with accepting it.  After all, it wasn't bought for me specifically.

Acceptable reasons to gift:

  • Birthday
  • Christmas
  • Thank-yous for work I've done (assuming there was no payment)

Unacceptable gifts unless you're a partner or family:

  • Clothing
  • Jewellery

Gifts I am comfortable accepting (on special occasions) from non-family/partner:

  • Alcohol... of course
  • Books
  • Weapons
  • Gift certificates
  • Trinkets
  • Flowers (though... why?)
  • Bacon
  • Chocolate

Things that I will happily accept all the time even though they're technically gifts:

  • VEGEMITE!
  • No, that's it.  Just Vegemite.
I can feel another round of arguments from readers coming, so before everyone gets on their high horse to jump down my throat:

This is another personal quirk of mine.  Like one's opinion on my beauty or lack thereof, I dislike receiving gifts - except on the days when it's traditional to receive gifts.  The fact that I'm uncomfortable doesn't mean I don't appreciate the fact that the gifter was trying to be thoughtful or nice.  I don't for one minute think that they were intentionally trying to make me uncomfortable.

However, if someone tries to gift me something, and I politely decline the gift (for example: receiving jewellery or clothing from a married man), and they then insist that I become uncomfortable to appease them, then I have an issue.  Then I immediately know they're not trying to be nice at all.  They want something.  They value their pride more than my comfort.  They're playing power games.

And I fucking hate power games.

It's like the whole Nice Guy TM fallacy.  If you're being nice to get some kind of reward (A date.  A kiss.  Sex.  A cookie), then you're not nice at all.  You're an arsehole.  You don't get a cookie for treating another person like they're a human being.  That's how you should treat people.  Always.

So, I know it's weird, but please, no gifts unless it's my birthday/Christmas/I've helped you out for free... and unless it's Vegemite.

Hey, that stuff's near impossible to find here.

Okay, now that I've given you all aneurysms, I'm off the learn more Welsh.

Ciao!
7 Comments
Amelia
4/6/2015 04:11:25 am

Exactly this! Gifts are nice but it makes me feel like I owe the gifter something.

Reply
S.M. Carrière link
4/6/2015 04:14:40 am

Oh thank goodness it's not just me!

Reply
eric link
4/6/2015 05:05:57 am

Maybe this is a gender thing? I'm just as uncomfortable getting random presents that aren't from family (Unless it's cupcakes or other food) but it doesn't happen often.

Reply
S.M. Carrière link
4/6/2015 08:58:52 am

Perhaps the frequency thing is higher for women, but to be honest, it doesn't happen all that often to me either (any more... there were conversations had). It still happens enough to note, though.

Reply
Jonas
4/6/2015 07:48:15 am

I really can't fathom why people will get upset with you establishing boundaries. It's totally your right.

To offer a perspective on the opposite side of it. I love giving gifts and doing things for people I care about. It's my way of saying "You matter." I'm not someone who has difficulty expressing feelings. But something more tangible is better remembered I think.

And as a gifter I do get something out of it. This person that I care about has their day get just a little bit better. I'm a big believer in doing good things and putting as much goodness into the world as I can. And that is it's own reward.

Hopefully that makes a degree of sense.

Reply
S.M. Carrière link
4/6/2015 09:00:49 am

Oh, I totally get that! That's why I said that I get that usually the gifts are coming from a good place... though that doesn't make me any more comfortable with the whole thing.

Reply
Jonas
5/6/2015 02:37:19 am

:) Fair enough.




Leave a Reply.

    Author

    S.M. Carrière, a Celtic Studies enthusiast, writes fiction.  And this blog.

    Archives

    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    September 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014

    Categories

    All
    Book Reviews
    Events
    Gaming
    Human
    Life
    Rants
    Reading
    Seraphimè Saga
    Seraphimè Saga
    Skylark
    Television
    Training
    Travels
    Writing
    YouTube

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly