Oddly enough, writing for a living is not really one of those dreams. It used to be. Now it doesn't seem nearly as impossible as it once did. Now, it's just a matter of perseverance and patience.
(Hah! Patience! It's the patience that's the hard part, really)
But there are other dreams. Dreams that are pounding the inside of my skull, demanding release. Demanding attention. Demanding that I work on them. Screaming for expression.
And the problem is, I have no idea where to start. I don't know what to do. It all seems too big, so very insurmountable, way above my abilities.
That's not to say I haven't started. I've built a website for one of these dreams. It's unpublished. It will remain unpublished, perhaps forever. Who knows? I would love to do this thing, but I just... I don't know how, and it's so frustrating.
It's mostly frustrating because It's screaming so loudly for attention, and I feel so damned impotent.
Still, I need to write up a plan for this idea. Maybe, by some miracle, I might actually be able to make it happen. Part of making it happen, I feel, is heading back to school. I'm tempted, if only for the programme I'm looking at.
But it's more money than I have, and more time than I have and I'm not even sure I'll be able to make this crazy idea work even if I do go back to school.
Ugh. I feel like I need to be independently wealthy in order to re-enter the schooling life. I'm not willing to dig myself deeper into debt.
Anyway, there are so many crazy thoughts running through my head at the moment.
I'm off to wail in despair...