They are all, without fail, wonderful people. Ottawa has a brilliant speculative fiction community. Some of my closest friends are in that community.
And every so often, announcements are made that, for a brief moment, hurt a bit. I'm talking about jealousy, of course.
Don't get me wrong, I'm insanely proud and happy when I hear of my friend's successes. It makes me so happy that they're experience something so exciting and positive.
But there is often that pang. That little sting that reminds you that you aren't getting any success yourself.
It sucks, being jealous. I usually feel like an awful person because I get that little jolt.
But here's the thing, jealousy is a perfectly normal thing to feel. Professional jealousy is probably something that a lot of people feel. The trick with it is to recognise it, and control it. If not, you run the risk of it controlling you.
I genuinely believe that when we ignore the emotions considered bad or unpleasant, when we refuse to acknowledge them, they tend to creep up and get control of our behaviours without us really realising what's going on. And that's when we start to get into trouble.
Jealously is so often labelled bad. And, if it rampages unchecked all over your behaviour, it most definitely is. But I don't think that it is inherently bad in and of itself. Like anger, jealousy can be an brilliant motivator, for one. It serves as a reminder of your life goals, which can sometimes be forgotten if life is cruising along happily. As I stated before, it become a bad thing if you let it control your behaviour.
It's honestly fine to feel jealousy. It's not okay to lash out because of it.
It's also not okay to beat yourself over the head because you feel jealousy, professional or otherwise. You're not an evil person for feeling jealousy. You might be if you start trying to tear someone else down because of it.
I'm here to tell you that you're not a terrible person for feeling an emotion. It's okay to feel that way. You are not an automaton.
Better still if you use it to better yourself and your situation. You want the success you see other people enjoying? Then get off your butt and go get it. Use jealousy to get you where you want to go.
Use it to build and not destroy, and you'll be doing well.
And try to be kind to yourself. It's okay to feel things.