Then I started getting angry.
There was absolutely no reason to be angry. Other than a little rain, there was really nothing wrong. At all. But by the time I got to the halfway point of my walk to training, I was so angry I might have killed.
Now, there are people at training that get under my skin at the best of times. Normally I can just turn away and ignore them. Yesterday, I felt that if I was even in the same room as these people, I might absolutely lose my temper. So instead, I went home. I went home, I fed the cats, and then I went to the gym where I did 20K on the stationary bike and 2.5K on the rowing machine. I worked out for about an hour.
I wouldn't say the rage vanished, but it did simmer way down. It was after the workout, when the Amazing Flatmate handed me a glass of wine, that the rage finally disappeared and I could smile again.
If this sounds weird to you, I'm not sure what to tell you. Rage has long been a part of my experience.
I haven't been this angry in a long, long time; when I was I was all teenager-y and hormonal. I was a terribly angry young woman growing up. I punched holes in walls. I kicked stuff. I would scratch myself bloody in an effort to find an outlet for the inexplicable ire that was a regular part of my moods until I was about twenty-four or so. I have not felt that angry for no reason since then.
(I have been that angry, but for vastly different, and in my opinion, deserved, reasons)
But this, this was like being a teenager all over again, when everything made me so angry I resorted to serious self-harm. It's an anger that seems to come from nowhere, triggered by the strangest, most benign things. I don't know where it comes from, or why it strikes.
But it's there.
I thought the days of being irrationally angry were long behind me.
Now, I have been ill and went a week without training at all. I usually get a little tense when I've been away from training. Not this tense, but tense.
And to be fair, there's a lot to be angry about of late. News about Donald Trump has been quite triggering, dredging all sorts of memories about past violations. Also, note, never read the comments beneath any article on Trump. Just don't. I'm sure the blood pressure spikes from doing so has shaved ten years from my life.
Still, I am perplexed. There was literally no reason for me to get angry. Irked at most. But as angry as I was? Nope. No reason.
And people wonder why I'm single. Anyway...
I took myself to the gym to sweat it out.
Incidentally, I really like the rowing machine. It was the first time I've used the thing. It was weirdly fun.
When I got back from working out, the Amazing Flatmate handed me a glass of wine, and informed me that it was national pasta day. To that end, she was making fresh, homemade pasta. Then I enjoyed a fantastic bowl of Fettuccine Alfredo.
The weird anger had gone and I was more myself again.
So, a thousand thanks to the Amazing Flatmate for stepping in and making me feel better. There is a reason she's been dubbed the Amazing Flatmate.
That was yesterday for me. A weird, weird evening.
Then last night, or perhaps some time early in the morning, we had a terrific thunderstorm that made me obscenely happy. I adore thunderstorms. I slept so well last night.
This morning was rough, with a long, long, long, LONG wait for a bus that meant I was twenty minutes late to work. That got my blood boiling again, but I'm more or less over it. I'm more or less normal again. I'm still confused about my mood yesterday, though.
What about you, readers? Have you ever had an emotion that struck out of the blue and seemed completely irrational? Surely I can't be the only one.
Though I might be.
Anywho, let me know if you've ever experienced random, out of the blue emotions.
And don't forget, I'm giving away a couple of copies of Sky Road Walker on goodreads and Facebook.