I want to return to training.
More than that, I want to build us a proper school, where we can train on our own schedules without having to worry about the whims of whomever it is we may be renting space from.
Thinking about it all, though, makes me realize that I would feel extremely guilty leaving the cat for so long - the 7:15am - 5:45pm time away from home thanks to work and my commute is a bit much for Galahad and I. Galahad is my shadow. He barely leaves my side when I'm home, and I hate being away from him so much, particularly now since he doesn't have his mother around to keep him company while I'm gone.
I'm enjoying work, mostly. Everyone there is lovely. But I do want to be home with my writing and my cat. I shouldn't mull too long on it. It's not good to dwell. Still, I find myself frustrated on the daily that I can't be home with my writing and my cat. I can't afford it.
I keep wanting to write "yet" at the end of that, but I can't today. Today I'm feeling that it will never happen. And I'm quite vexed.
Anyway, I'm not as content as I could be currently. I know and do feel very lucky to even be employed in this age. And I do really like my workplace. And I'm sure I'll start feeling useful when I get the hang of the invoicing. But it's not where my heart or my ambitions lie, and I have no idea how to make my dreams come true.
It all feels like a crapshoot, and I've never been lucky.
I should try and keep things light, but this is where I am today.
Maybe I'll feel better with my iPad in my hands (should be arriving at the end of the month), and once again working towards my goals. Or maybe I'll forever feel like a hamster in a wheel; working so hard to get nowhere.
How's that for light?
Alright, I'm off. Work etc.