I suppose it's not a bad thing, really. It gives my mind some breathing room, and a small break from all the sadness of my current story. Sort of... the story goes on in my head, repeating scenes until I get them out on paper. For example, I just had a scene pop into my head of an adult Cai, putting someone in their place. Deservedly. That's going to be a fun scene to write when I get around to it.
Anyway, the break has set me back roughly nine thousand words from my target. I've decided that this is acceptable to me, mostly because even if it wasn't, there's nothing really I can do about it, so I won't stress overmuch.
I figured I might take a weekend or two one day soon and make it up.
(Speaking of weekends, this is a quick reminder that Saturday night is the first meet-up of the year. If you aren't coming to the archery, don't fret, we'll also be doing the regular dinner and drinks. Newsletter subscribers, check your emails for the details.)
I'm going to spend most of today not writing, but that doesn't mean my brain isn't working. It's a whirlwind of thoughts and ideas all swirling around in my head in a cacophony only I can hear. The thing with my brain is, I always have new ideas - new scenes of a novel, new seeds of stories, new ideas for paintings, old ideas for paintings, old story ideas I never developed, ideas for new ways of story telling, on and on it goes...
If I don't get those ideas out, if I don't make room in my mind for all the new things, they remain in my head. They do not fade. They get more persistent. They start yelling, a shriek over the din of all the other things in my mind. Sooner than you might think, these ideas overwhelm all, leaving me more or less unable to function, until I get these things out of my mind and onto paper (or the digital equivalent).
Sounds dramatic, doesn't it?
It kind of is. I forget what I'm doing during the day. I zone out. I forget to eat... of if I've just eaten. I forget about my appointments. My brain becomes scattered and useless... My ability to human is hugely impacted if I have too much stuff in my head and not enough on paper.
Essentially, my creative life is a struggle to keep things in balance, or, at least, balanced enough so that I can adequately function on any given day.
This brain noise is one of the reasons I love martial arts as much as I do. It gives my brain something to focus on. For two to three blissful hours a day, five days a week, my brain shuts up and concentrates on something else. It's so nice to be able to shut my brain up.
Not even sleep manages that (I have some really trippy dreams sometimes).
This week has been difficult. There was no training Monday, as it was a holiday. Tuesday's training session was cancelled due to the snow storm (51cms in a day is not to be snuffed at), so I was stuck with my brain for the entire evening. Wednesday was alright, though I was teaching, which gave me too much time for thinking. That's never a good idea.
I'm hoping that tonight will get me to that special place... the place where my brain quietens, and I don't feel quite as crazy.
Anyway, I'm off to plan my next series of paintings and to find the perfect music to accompany the video I will make with them.