What I really need is more time in the day, or a video editor who will put everything together for me, so I can concentrate on other stuff.
More time in the day is impossible, and I can't afford to pay a video editor. So I'm stuck.
I love everything I do, but I don't know that I can keep doing it all.
And other things are suffering for it; relationships, me, and my work.
I haven't written much at all, and that concerns me. I have a book that I've been trying to get finished for the past two years. As someone who is used to writing at least one book a year, this slow down is frustrating and upsetting.
Here's the kicker, I know this book would've been done by now if I had just sat down and done the work. But between everything else I'm doing, I'm finding it difficult to do the sitting down and doing the work.
There is also other baggage keeping my mind occupied, but that's something I can't share.
Personal problems, man. They suck.
All of it is a horribly overwhelming, and I'm finding myself freezing on the things that matter most to me. Namely my writing. It's not that I don't want to be writing. It's that I find myself unable.
I'm angry with myself. Self-discipline was something that I prided myself on. And it seems to have vanished.
I think I need to escape for a little bit. Actually get up and move somewhere for a couple of weeks where I have nothing by myself, some food and my laptop. A quiet place, with nothing around except maybe some books.
The feeling of frustration doesn't help, either. It just piles onto the overwhelm; the top boar in a pig pile.
I'm saving up for a trip somewhere where I can bring my laptop and just write for a couple of weeks. I'm thinking Wales, but I doubt I can gather the funds for that. And that will be next year in any case. Right now, I have to come up with a plan to get myself back into writing.
My laptop is new-to-me, and I will be doing all my writing on that. The change of writing tool will probably help; I won't be writing on a work computer. I also have to start scheduling my writing. Word count targets are out of the picture at the moment. I just need to put in the hours.
Honestly, that's the trick to getting a book written. It's putting in the hours.
Now, if only I could find the hours to put in!
Please excuse me while I stare at my reflection with the same disappointed expression my teachers used to have when I didn't achieve what I could have.