Anyway, back to the whole writing thing. I'm not doing so great with it. I'm currently reviewing Soldier, trying to find ways to improve it because I have an opportunity to submit it to one of my favourite publishers ever, and IT NEEDS TO BE GOOD, DAMN EVERYTHING! The problem is, of course, I now hate it.
I don't hate the story. I've lived with this one since at least grade eight. I love the story. I just feel like I'm not good enough a writer to do this story justice.
It's playing with my head. A lot. Every time I settle in to do the work my heart drops out of my chest and I get depressed. That terrible voice in the back of my head is whispering evil things about my writing, and I get incredibly discouraged. There's not enough atmosphere. That sentence is juvenile. You think you're a writer? I've seen chimps with better dramatic instincts.
UGH! SHUT UP BRAIN!
But here's the thing, I care about this story, more than any other one I've written. Certainly I want every one of my stories to do well, but this one is something special. To me, at least. It has to be good. Not just good. Brilliant. It has to shine. Not just so it can stand out in the competition for publication, but for its own sake. For my sake.
I hate feeling like this. I hate hating my work. And the thing is, it probably isn't actually that bad. My brain has just twisted it into a feeble attempt at writing.
Right, I am going to work more on Soldier. The goal is to have the thing ready for submission in November, and which point I'll take up Outcast again. Soldier is the least complicated of the the planned six books. So... that's a thing...
Anyway, wish me luck, because right now I don't feel like skill is going to get me there.