Can't Keep Up

Good morning, Readers!

This fantastic illustration is by Gavin McCarthy. Click the link to see more of his fantastic work.

So, I'm in a spiral right now.

This is the special time of the depressive cycle where I'm spinning downwards into nothingness.  It isn't even sadness.  It's nothingness.

I feel nothing.

I want nothing.

This morning, I had to force myself to eat breakfast, because I can't be bothered with life right now.  I knew I was hungry, but it was a theoretical hunger; some strange sensation that was outside of me, or rather, I was outside of me.

Yesterday morning, I discovered that the five hours of gaming footage I had recorded didn't stick.  The programme froze just as it began to export and I lost the lot.  I should be very upset about it.  It's worth being upset about.  Ordinarily, I'd be upset.  I couldn't care less.

I have so much work to do, and I just... can't.  It's an incredible struggle just to write this blog post.  I mean, I will do the work, it'll just be like trying to sprint through waist-high treacle.

It may seem I'm being overly dramatic.  I suppose it would be impossible to understand until you've stood on the edge of a vast yawning chasm of... nothing.  It's hard to describe just how empty everything is, how empty I am.

It'll pass, of course.  It always passes.  Still, I'm in this place right now.  I should be frustrated.  But I'm not.  I'm nothing.

Well, I have work I have to at least make an attempt at.

​Ciao!