ARGH! Synopses!

Good morning, Readers!

Found this awesome city scape at getwallpapers.com.

Okay, I frakkin' suck at writing synopses.  This is causing me some considerable angst as I head into the countdown to Can*Con.  I need help.  Can I ask for your help?  I have two synopses to get down by Can*Con, and they both currently suck.

Pick whichever one you think you can improve.  First, for the book Outworlder, whose title I'm still yet to improve though I hate it:

A near-fatal accident during an informal motorcycle race between friends sends Daniel Greyson tumbling down a mountain in America into the middle of a small iron-age style village at the close of a battle.  The victors care not for his otherworldy origins, and Daniel finds himself at the deadly end of their firing squad.
He is rescued at the last minute by a scrappy team of resistance fighters, led by a mysterious woman called Dark Wolf; one of the last remaining Fomori. Daniel learns he is now in Avalon, and caught in a ferocious battle between the invading Mil, and the resistance, made up of and unlikely alliance between the Tuatha (who were themselves once invaders) and the native Fomori.

Daniel’s quest, given to him by a Fomori elder, a powerful mystic who has lost much of her humanity to her ancient magic, is to return home. The resistance will lose the fight for Avalon, but if Daniel can find a way home and raise the alarm, there is a chance that the Mil will be defeated in the battle for Earth, freeing both worlds.

With the help of Dark Wolf and her warriors, Daniel finds a portal home.  The price, however, is high, and Daniel witnesses the last ever battle for Avalon before he is swept away by the portal – Dark Wolf and her team are defeated.
​
When Daniel returns, he finds himself in a hospital bed, newly awoken from a coma. But he has not forgotten his promise.

Kill. Me.

Right, the next one is for Soldier, the first of The Great Man series.  I've had help with this one previously, so I don't hate it as much, but if you can find ways to improve it, I'm all ears:

The kingdom of Karas Strem has its peace shattered with an unexpected attack from the beyond the edge of the known world. Once just a training ground for the king’s troops, the encampment at Ardea becomes the front line of a battle against a mysterious, disturbing enemy as hordes of mindless troops periodically attempt an invasion.

Cai, the third prince of the realm, witness to his mother’s suicide when he was only five, is sent to that hellscape at eight-years-old by his father. His crime was fighting with his eldest brother and heir to the throne, the king’s favoured son. There, the unloved Cai very nearly succumbs to wasting sickness until the newly made general, Stran, intervenes.

With the distant aid of his other brother, Edward, in the form of loving letters, and Stran’s careful tutelage, Cai recovers his strength and resolves to survive the battlefront and return home.

The war with the horrific enemy is only one of the struggles Cai faces. Disturbed by night terrors, and considered abnormal by his fellows, Cai finds himself outcast and friendless. That is, until he saves the life of a large-hearted warrior from the south, Eochaid, who reminds him of Edward.  All the same, Cai’s strangeness keeps him alienated from all but a few who love him.

The enemy across the battlefield has its dark eye on Cai, and the boy’s deeply repressed power; a power that the enemy desires to either smother or control. It toys with Cai in an effort to pull him in and make of him its own. The battle for Cai’s soul, long ago began, reaches a new fervor.

Gudbrandr, high priest of the south men, who find themselves unexpectedly allied with Karas Strem after suffering attacks from the same enemy, recognises the formidable power in Cai, and fears it for the same reason the enemy covets it. It is the power to destroy worlds.

Cai very nearly succumbs to the seduction of the enemy, but his friendship with Eochaid, and the love of his brother, keep him from falling.

Impatient, the enemy sends an enormous army against the defenders of Ardea. In that battle, Eochaid is slain by a monstrosity created from the bodies of the fallen.  His friend dead, Cai’s control over his power lessens, and without knowing it, he uses that power to slay the beast, and kill the necromancer responsible for raising it.  The effort very nearly costs him his life.

He is saved at the last by one of the white women. Neither living nor dead, these female immortals are cursed to wander battlefields delivering merciful death to those that cannot be saved, and saving those who can.
​
As he swore to his brother, Cai returns home — alive, but very much changed.

I still don't like it, to be perfectly honest.

Right, I need to get back to preparing for Can*Con.

​Ciao!