Good morning, Readers.

Listen, I'm in a mood. I just need to get it out of my system. I'm not fishing for compliments or encouragement. I just need to gripe.

This week has been hard. I know. I know. It's only Tuesday. What could possibly be wrong? Well, I'll tell you.

Rejection.

Not, of course, in love. That's not a thing I particularly care about at present.

But rejection in my professional life.

You see, I had applied and desperately wanted a position that would help me pivot in my career. I don't want to be in an office, pushing papers for someone else until I die. That's not where I want my life to be. This position would have offered the opportunity to break away from that the stretch out into another profession that suited me better. One that would put me on a path that was much closer to my dream life than the one I'm currently on. I got the news on the weekend that I was passed over for that position.

I mean, it's to be expected. I imagine competition was fierce. And to be honest, I'm used to not getting things I want. It still smarts, though. Every damned time.

The blow was easier knowing I do have a full-time job, which I'm infinitely grateful for, even if it's not what I dream of doing. At least I have the means to keep a roof over my head and food on my table.

Not content with one rejection, though, last night deal another blow to my dreams. Another rejection, this time from a publisher. While I love working with Renaissance Press, I also feel that I want to stretch. I want to reach a broader audience. It doesn't help that I'm clearly not selling.

I've been chasing representation for a while now, without success.

And it's weighing on me. It's feeling pretty heavy and rather spiky, and I can feel myself getting bitter. I feel like I'm going to end up that angry old woman screaming at people walking past about how having dreams will destroy them. You'll all just end up heartbroken. Give up now. Spare yourselves.

Which is, of course, terrible advice. Certainly hypocritical. And perhaps not true. It's terrible advice because the pursuit of the dream is really the only thing that gets me out of bed sometimes. Chasing dreams is better than languishing in self-loathing. Even if you don't make it, at least you can say that you tried. It's hypocritical because, in spite of everything, I can't seem to give up. I want to continue writing. I will continue to pursue it as a career. Perhaps one day, I'll actually have something to show for it, even though right now I feel like I don't or won't. Ever. And, you know, perhaps it's not true. Sure, I might not ever make it, but that doesn't mean someone else will also fail.

I always supposed my lack of success is my fault. Clearly my writing isn't that good, or folks would be talking about it. I know for a fact that I have no idea how to market my own stuff, so there's one definitive place to lay the blame. Maybe I'll just always be a mediocre writer, languishing in obscurity, and will die broke and bitter.

Don't worry about me. This mood will probably pass.

And I'm not going to give up in any case.

Even if it is just spite at this point.

Right, I have things to be getting on with. I hope you're all keeping well.

Ciao.

Good morning, Readers!

Listen, when I said I was obsessed with this show in last week's post on Black Gate Magazine, I meant it. I'm really obsessed. I figured, to please myself and literally no one else, I'd do a review series of each episode - one a week. There are fifty episodes, so that will take me through all of 2021, pretty much. So, starting January of next year, I'll be doing a write-up of each of the episodes for my Monday posts. That takes a lot of stress of finding topics off my shoulders, actually.

This will be my second watch of the series. It's available on Netflix, but I'll be doing my second watch through on YouTube (where it is also available), largely because a cursory glance at the comments reveal that they're choc-full of really useful information that helps with my understanding of what's going on.

I figured that not a lot of my readers will share this obsession, so I'm starting off with a few posts about the people you should be paying attention to (or characters that I just love the hell out of), because I can. It's my blog.

*insert pout*

​Why am I pouting? Well, because this first character does an awful lot of it in the show (what a segue, if I do say so myself).

This smiley young man, played by Xiao Zhan, is one of the two main characters, and the character through which we see most of the narrative. Wei Ying, also called Wei Wuxian and later the Yiling Patriarch, is a plucky, outspoken, trickster character in the beginning, who also happens to be extremely clever. He is that really annoying person in your class who mucks around during class, never does their homework, and still manages to get top marks. You know, that person. His boyishness would be annoying if I were his classmate, I think, but is portrayed in the series as innocent and fun. Besides, his intentions more than make up for it.

​He does so many incredibly selfless things for those he loves, and those he feels are deserving of that sacrifice. He is genuinely the definition of a hero - not someone who simply does good deeds, but the courageous soul who does good deeds when it's really, really, really hard. When doing the good deed earns scorn instead of praise. When it is painful.

Also, the poor dear is petrified by dogs.

I feel his alignment would definitely be chaotic good.

He is an absolute whirlwind of mischief in the beginning, but it is all harmless. And for all his mischief, his heart is bigger than the ocean. When the need to act justly arrises, Wei Wuxian rises to the occasion, doing what is right and just, though the world turns against him for it. And he pays for it. Oh boy, he pays.

Throughout the story, he goes from a carefree youth, loved and admired by almost all, to a troubled outcast loathed by almost all.

His story is tragic, ending in his death.

But don't worry, he comes back again, and his story gets a much-needed positive turn.

I love, love, love Wei Wuxian's tragic story very much, but this cheeky monkey isn't my favourite character. Close, though, particularly because his arc is so... Because things get dark for him, but he stays true to his principles, and I find that very admirable.

Good morning, Readers!

I'm over on Black Gate Magazine today, talking about a Netflix show I recently got into and am now utterly obsessed over.

I have a new obsession. I seem to be switching obsessions a lot, but the truth is I’m not switching anything at all. I’m simply adding. This time around, I’m absolutely infatuated with a show on Netflix that I’m a little mad took me so long to check out. That show is The Untamed, a 2017 live-action adaptation of the Chinese fantasy novel Mo Dao Zu Shi (Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation is the English title) by author Mo Xiang Tong Xiu. The novel is not yet officially translated into English, but I’m desperate for it to be. I want this thing on my shelf. Like, yesterday. Granted, since it's a web novel, it's not likely to be on anyone's actual shelf, but lordy do I want this book as a real thing in my hands.

Anyway, the show is wonderful. I understand that, from my very basic research from this post, that the live-action adaptation is quite divergent from the novel, so I’m content to watch the show while waiting for that official English translation (there are unofficial online translations, but I would like to put money into the hands of the author, you know?), knowing that the two are different enough that my enjoyment of the novel won’t be impacted by having watched the adaptation first. Also, apparently this adaptation is only one of many, and so I might have to go and find other adaptations.

The story itself is a multi-layered fantasy epic drama with grand themes of belonging, family, clan rivalry, justice and love. Centering around Wei Wuxian, also known as Wei Ying or the Yiling Patriarch, an orphaned child who was adopted by his father’s master’s family and is considered a sibling of the master’s two children Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli, the story is often funny, and terribly sweet, and also very, very dark.
​
It doesn’t pull punches, killing many folks, straining and breaking relationships, and turning heroes into villains. Everything is difficult, and you can understand why people act the way they do, calling into question what you might do if you were caught in these positions. Essentially, it’s my favorite kind of story. Give me the darkness. Give me unsure characters and well-meaning people who unwittingly make bad choices. Give me consequence and heartache and despair. Those alone, however, do not make this one of my recent favorites. What really makes it for me is the thread of a deep abiding love that moves like gossamer throughout the whole piece; a glittering filament of hope that grabs a hold of the heart and doesn’t let go.

Good morning, Readers!

​I'm over on my art blog today, talking about my monthly painting challenge.

Good morning, Readers!

Sooo... you know how I wrote a little while ago that I was back and should be returning to a normal posting schedule and that, like, never happened? Yeah... sorry about that. I had intended on getting into a regular schedule but then, POOF!, suddenly I had a job, and things have been a bit weird as I try and settle into a brand new routine.

The hours at this job are longer than I'm used to, and I don't have the spare time there that I did at my other place. So, I have to figure out a new way to blog every day. It won't be easy, and as such, my posts here might be all over the place until I can get all my rabid squirrels turned into ducks and then get them in a row. I will try, however.

Please be patient with me.

So, there's a lot to catch up on, actually, but I'm going to start with what the actual fuck has been going on.

Right, first thing, the Amazing Flatmate is no longer the Amazing Flatmate. Don't get me wrong, there's been no falling out or anything. The Amazing Flatmate was, is and will continue to be the most amazing, wonderful person I've ever known. I love her with all my heart. We're just no longer living together 'cause, you know, she has moved in with a guy who is, by all accounts, worthy of her. I think. I mean, I'm optimistic. It's a fucking high bar, you know?

The finding of a place to live for me and the cat - during a mother-fucking pandemic - took literally all of my energy. Then there was the issue of the actual move, which was another impossible stressor. Once moved, there was the issue of settling into a new living situation with a new person, in a new neighbourhood. That's an ongoing process, but I'd like to give a shout out to my good friends who are now also my downstairs neighbours, T2, for keeping me fed and helping me keep my spirits up as I adjust. I'm not good with change, and their incredible patience and kindness has helped me so much.

Next on the JESUS FUCKING CHRIST WHY list was trying to find a job. With CERB ending and no word from my previous place of employment, I spent literally all day, every day seeking a job. When it did happen, it came so suddenly and unexpectedly that before I could take a breath, I found myself working. I've been there a week and a half. The people are lovely, and there's plenty of work to be doing, so I'm not bored, but the hours are much longer than I'm used to. It doesn't leave a lot of time for the things I used to do in a day, either before the pandemic or during the shit show that followed it. I'm struggling to find the time for daily blogging, for example, let alone writing a whole damned novel. I'm slowly figuring it out, though.

I've recently restarted blogging with Black Gate Magazine, so look forward to that every second Tuesday (the day after on this blog, because you should all be reading Black Gate anyway). As things improve and I get into a routine, I'll be looking to expanding back into my usual things. This blog post is part of that. I hope. I hope to be returning to daily blogging, though I'll have to do it differently than I did before.

Generally, I'm hoping to have the time and energy to write and schedule the blog the night before. Maybe I'll be able to keep it up. Maybe not. I'm hoping more maybe than not.

Once I have that routine down, I'll start adding in my writing. I still plan to work on my novels for at least an hour a day. I hope to be doing that during my lunch breaks at work, since there's no gym anywhere near I can get to. I've not got a laptop anymore, so with work pulling in an actual paycheque, I'm planning on buying one quite soon. Then I'll be good to write. I think.

I hope.

After I get that down, I'll be able to start adding in other things like exercise. As it is, with such long hours at work, and no gym nearby, my lifting will have to take a back seat. So will my running. Once martial arts starts up again (if Ontario could just get its fucking act together regarding Covid), I'll have at least three days a week where I exercise. I really miss lifting, but I simply don't have the time for it as it stands right now, and I can't see getting the time for it, either. Unless work miraculously decides that I don't actually need to be there for nine hours a day... That eight hours will suffice. Le sigh.

As for the work, if I'm honest, it's not the thing I want to be doing the rest of my life. But needs must, and I need financial stability. I'm hoping that something that I applied for a while ago comes my way, which will permit me to work from home and thus give me much more time (bye, bye commute) to do the other things. But, past experience has taught me to hedge my hopes and manage my expectations. In the likely event that I don't get this opportunity, I'm still going to try and create an income stream from my creative endeavours. I'll see where I'm at by the end of a one year period. If I can conceivably make enough money to live by then, perhaps I'll go at it full time, instead of trying to build something in the edges of the time I do have. Meanwhile, the job I'm working now is made pleasant by lovely people, so I'm not upset to be there at all (other than the, you know, dreams not yet a reality stuff that's going on). I miss the company of my cat while I'm there, though. He's asleep behind the computer right now, keeping close to me. It's a great comfort and I want more of that.

So, that's where I'm at currently. I'm hoping that establishing a routine, and gaining some financial stability, will help me get back to where I was creatively and soon I'll be fulfilled again. Knock on wood I can manage it.

As for the rest of the world:

Joe Biden won the American election, but it was too fucking close and I'm really fucking disappointed with white folks. You are all making me look bad by association, and I'm not pleased. Also, who the fuck voted for Mitch McConnell, you rat bastards?

Look, I know I'm Austral-Canadian, and heaven knows we've got our issues up here too, but JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.

That's all I'm going to say about that. I have to go and collect my laundry and meal-prep for the rest of the week.

​Ciao!