Good morning, Readers.

Not going to lie, folks.  I'm grumpy today.

Last night the neighbours were hanging pictures or some shit.  All I heard all night was 'tap tap tap tap tap tap.'  Well, not all night.  They stopped at midnight.

It drove me absolutely mad.

Unreasonably mad.

Irrationally mad.

Like, I was a split second from arson kind of mad (I mean, not really, but I was absolutely furious).

I was exhausted, and being kept up by that incessant 'tap tap tap tap tap tap' was not a fun time.  The minute it stopped (at 12:06am), I fell asleep.  Like, in that minute.  I checked the time on my phone, and then fell asleep immediately after.

But it wasn't enough sleep.  And now I'm tired and incredibly cranky.

So there isn't going to be a proper blog post today.  Just me grumbling about being cranky because of inconsiderate neighbours.

Tonight I'll be live streaming.  I think I'm starting a new one (the new Tomb Raider).  That should be fun, though I will miss swearing at Arno.

Until then, I'm going to try and catch a snooze whenever I can.

​Ciao!

Good morning, Readers!

I wanted to talk about how thrilled I was when meeting someone I admired so much, it turned out he wasn't a huge jerk.

It was on my mind.  A lot.  I was stressed leading up to CanCon this year, not just because my schedule was full, and because I was fangirling over the author guest of honour.  It was also because I was more than a little worried that he would turn out to be a dick, and then I would be sad.  It would've honestly wrecked the whole weekend.

Instead, it turned out that he was quiet and humble, and talked to people like they were peers rather than beneath him.

Not every author is like that.  I have observed a few who were a little too self-impressed.  Not at this convention, necessarily, but over the course of my life; watching or reading interviews, sitting in on discussions, etc.  I think what happens is they are often surrounded by people kissing arse in an effort to gain their favour they tend to forget that they're not actually divinely-ordained royalty.

They begin believing their own myth, in other words.

I would not want that to be me.  I mean, I do want people to love what I write.  I want them to be enthusiastic about it.  It would make my day to have them tell me so.

But never do I want to think that I am special because of it.  I am a mere mortal.

It seems silly, but I do worry that I'll be one of those twats that starts to believe in their own myth if ever I make it big.  I doubt it.  I mean, I can't really imagine it, but you never know.  I'm not without my faults.

There are three things that will expose the person you really are: alcohol, money and fame.

Fame has exposed a large number of jerks.

Which is a disappointment, really.

Writers are nothing without their readers.  And while, as a reader, I'm forever grateful for the worlds I have access to because of the writers of the world, as a writer, I'm keenly aware that I would be nothing if people didn't read my stuff.

It's a balance.

Some people don't manage it well.

I'm so, so glad that many writers do, and do it well.  Being accessible is important.  It's really important to the readers for whom your writing means the world.

I hope to make it big one day.  I also hope that I don't stop being my goofy self should it happen.

And now I have to go do things.

​Ciao!

Good morning, Readers!

Hold on to your hats, people.  This is likely to be a loooooooong blog post.

This weekend, and most of you will know, was Ottawa's annual speculative fiction convention.  Attending as author guest of honour was only my favourite writer ever, Steven Erikson.  This is the first and only time I've cared so damned much about the guest of honour (which isn't to say that the others were not worthy and excellent, they were.  It's just that I admire Erikson's writing SO DAMNED MUCH).

I decided to take Friday off work in order to get a good sleep in and have enough time to set up in the afternoon before the dealer's room opened.  It worked out exactly as planned.  Caro of Renaissance Press came by and helped cart all of my stuff to the venue.  We were there shortly after the room opened for dealers to set up.  We were all done and ready by about 3pm.  Since the room did not open to customers until 5pm, I headed out for lunch with Caro and her friend.

There is a fantastic little sushi place called Kyoto Sushi.  It's on the corner of Bank and Slater street downtown, and it was absolutely delicious.  The lunch special was just enough for very hungry bellies (or at least, my very hungry belly), and it was quite tasty.  I highly recommend it.  I'll be headed there again.

Following lunch, Caro went off to collect the things that were forgotten and left behind, and I settled in to get a couple of hours of selling in before the official opening ceremony in the evening.  It was fun.  There was time to catch up with people I haven't seen in about a year, and there was a lot of laughter.  I headed up to the opening ceremonies.  Mr. Erikson was, alas, delayed, due to a travelling issue and wasn't present, but it was great.

With the convention declared open officially, I decided that I was too tired to continue.  There was an opening party in the evening, but I simply could not attend.  It was going to be a long Saturday, and I could have used the rest.

Saturday was a long day.  I taught martial arts in the morning, as the person I had to replace me had fallen ill.  Poor soul.  It's going around.  I don't regret not being at CanCon in the morning (though I am a little sad for not being there for Erikson's interview with Blackgate Magazine, or for his talk on how he created the Malazan Book of the Fallen series.  I would have loved to have sat in on that).

I arrived just before 1pm, not having had time to eat lunch.  I was able to chat with people for about an hour before my official signing session.

So.  This is the first ever signing session I've ever had at any convention.  Ordinarily, I just hope to sell books from my table and I'll sign there.  This time, there was a full half hour were I sat behind a desk all official like and hoped that someone would drop by and want a book signed by me.  I was fully expecting to sit there and have no one stop by.

Also signing at the same time was fellow Renaissance writer and good friend Eric Desmarais, and Robert Sawyer.  And Steven Erikson.

I was sitting at the same table as my favourite author, the one I'd been freaking out about for ages.  The order was, from left to right, Eric, myself, Robert, then Steven.  Then, lovely human being and wonderful local author Julie Czerneda dropped by to say hello.  She went out of her way to introduce me to Steven Erikson.  I waved at him from where I was and admitted that I was a huge fan.  He and Robert Sawyer swapped places... and that's kinda really all I remember rightly.

Julie kindly snapped a photo on my phone, one on hers and declared her work done.  I think I managed to chat with Steven for a little bit, though, as was expected, he was very popular and was busy with autographs. 

If I looked stupidly happy, it's because I was stupidly happy.

What a dweeb.

I probably made a right fool of myself, if I'm perfectly honest.  I never thought I would get star struck, but here I was, my brain shutting down like I was a thirteen-year-old girl at the height of Bieber fever.  Still, Steven was absolutely lovely.

I was a little too out of it to take proper stock, but my first impression of Mr. Erikson (not his actual last name, I know), was that he was a very measured, calm sort of person.

And as if Julie Czerneda couldn't be lovelier, she bought a copy of Daughters of Britain from me and had me sign it during the signing session.  Two things that made Saturday, as long and exhausting as it was, absolutely the best Saturday I think I'll ever have.

That's it, guys.  Life has peaked for me.

​Anyway, I do hope Julie enjoys the book.  I'm always nervous when people buy copies.  I do so want them to like what I write.

Also, a lovely young man from New York dropped by my table during the signing (hello, Micci!) and bought a copy of Daughters of Britain for me to sign.  The signing went exactly not as I expected.  I did sign, instead of sit for half an hour feeling sad and dreaming of a day when I might draw a crowd.

I participated in two panels in the evening, one on Asexual Identities in fiction and the other a goofy thing called a Spam Meet.  The Asexual Identities panel had an enormous audience.  I was extremely surprised, not least of all because we were in a competing time slot with the always wonderful Paper Aeroplane Contest, run by Marie Bilodeau (whom you must fear).  It was a great panel, with plenty of laughter.

There was a wonderful atmosphere in that panel, and it was so wonderfully affirming to be with people who understood what being asexual was.  It was so affirming, particularly since some of us have people in our lives who couldn't be bothered to do the mental exercise needed to understand asexuality as an identity, and constantly try to insist that we're somehow deficient.

As the panel said in resounding voices, we're not.

Also, it is incredibly gratifying to have people come up to you after a panel to thank you for speaking up and out about something because it has helped them discover they are not alone in the world.  Needing representation myself was a large part of why I decided to start speaking up.

The spam meet was just a bunch of silly fun, where we cut up spam messages and rearranged the words to create flash stories with humorous, and strangely dark, results.  There was a lot of death in that panel.

Then, once again, without the energy for the evening festivities, I went home, showered and crawled into bed.

I was bone tired.

But my brain was still buzzing in its useless fashion after meeting with Steven Erikson, and it buzzed for a full two hours after I crawled into bed.

Needless to say, I was not awake Sunday morning.  Not even a little bit.

And I had a reading first thing in the morning.

To be honest, I don't really remember it.  I don't really remember the first few hours of Sunday at all.  I read, I remember.  Others read also.  I remember enjoying every reading in that session.  Then I went back to the Dealer's Room in an effort to be available for anyone who wanted to chat or buy my books.  Then I exited again.  I was asked to play bouncer for the Steven Erikson kaffeeklatch.

Did you know that hotel coffee comes in little filter sacks?  I did not.  Clearly I need to hotel more often.  Yes, I just used hotel as a verb.  Yes, I understand that it's not "correct."  No, I don't particularly care.  The point is, I'm not the best hostess in the world.

Still, the kaffeeklatch went well.  I was surprised that only half of the people who had signed up to attend actually made it.  Sitting down for a conversation over coffee with an author is not something that comes one's way very often.  I played bouncer, sticking by the door in case anyone tried to sneak in, and also keeping an eye on the time.

My first impression of Steven Erikson held.  He is indeed a calm person, but one with great humour as well.  He gave some very solid writing advice to those in attendance, with easy, actionable tips to overcoming obstacles to one's writing.  I was quietly taking notes the whole time.

From there, with little time left in the day, it was back to the Dealer's Room for the last little bit of the convention.  It ended at 3pm.

Following that, there was a get-together for the panellists and volunteers.  I did not stay long.  My ride was my good friend Bill, who had also volunteered to be Mr. Erikson's driver.  We all left the party 'round about 5pm in order to make sure our author guest of honour was safely at the airport.  During the trip, we chatted.  If ever you get the chance, ask Steven Erikson about his encounters with bears during some of his digs.  There were other archaeology stories that I found fascinating (and which I envied!) on the trip.  It was really nice to talk outside of the pressures of the convention.

They say never meet your heroes, you will be disappointed.

Well, I had long admired Erikson's writing, and I am thrilled to say that the man is just a lovely person.  It was a genuine pleasure to have met him, and I hope to do so again.

Perhaps next time, I'll be less likely to be such a dweeb.

I ended the day with a lovely dinner with my friends Bill and Dawn before heading home to sleep.

All in all, it was a really fantastic convention.

Alas, I didn't get to all the programming I wanted to, but that's what happens when you're also trying to hawk your wares!

I want to extend the warmest of thank-yous to everyone who made this weekend happen, from the tireless work of the organisers and co-chairs, to the volunteers who busted their butts the whole convention, to the panellists who made the programming such a success, and, of course, the convention attendees, who were uniformly (to my experience) wonderful and supportive.

We have a great community here, and I'm so thrilled to be a part of it.

A special thanks also to my Kung Fu brother J.T, who ensured that I got to where I needed to be promptly on Saturday, and was kind enough to collect my exhausted self that same night.

Thank you everyone.

Good morning, Readers!

So, today is a rare Friday post, because I totally forgot to do this yesterday.  Hey.  I was panicking.

Some things to keep in mind when I deliver the schedule.  I will not always been in the Dealer's Room.  I have panels and volunteer duties that will call me away.  BUT, I will try to be in the Dealer's Room as much as possible this weekend, so if you don't catch me there, come back.  Chances are I'll be there the next time!

So without further ado, my weekend schedule.

Okily dokily!  I think that's everything.  Sorry this is so last minute.  I hope I'll be able to see you this weekend, and we'll get a chance to chat.

Ciao!

Good morning, Readers!

Tomorrow is CanCon 2017.

I have never felt less prepared.  I think I say that every year, and every year, it is true.

This year, I'm even more nervous, as I will be meeting my favourite author in the scene.

I think I have most things under control, though I will inevitably forget something.  Probably something really important.  That's usually the way it goes.

Also important, I will be signing.  I mean, not just at the convention in general, but I have a specific time for book signing:

Saturday afternoon at 2:00 pm in the dealer's room.

Also, I won't be there Saturday morning.  The person who had agreed to teach for me that weekend has fallen ill, so I'll be teaching my martial arts classes in the morning.  I'll be running over as quickly as possible after that.

So, yeah.  That's the state of things.

I really do hope I'll see you there.  I'm super excited about this weekend, and I want to share it with so many people.  CanCon really is the best speculative fiction convention I've been to.  It's great.  The people are great.  The panels are fantastic.  And it's a generally wonderful time.

Right, I've got to go.  I really do hope to see you soon.

Ciao!

Good morning, Readers!

Last night was the first night back at training since I  fell ill.  It's been something like three weeks since I've done anything of the sort.  My greatest physical achievement in that time was walking to and from work.

I have lost so much.

Mainly strength.  I really need to find the time to do more weights for the next little bit.  Honestly, I'm really disappointed at how much strength I have lost.  Le sigh.  This week, though, I'm taking it easier, and just focussing on getting back into the swing of training.

Next week, I plan to start adding running into my schedule.

Two weeks following, I hope to be used to getting up early, and so will hopefully be adding morning swims.  We'll see.  I've been promising myself I'll start running for something like two months.  It hasn't happened.  Hopefully, though, I'll be able to get it started.

That's the issue.  Just getting things started.

Once I've started, generally it takes two weeks of effort before it becomes habit.  Once it's habit, it's so much easier to maintain.  Until something breaks the habit!

Oh the annoyance of how hard it is to cultivate healthy habits versus how easy it is to break them!

Yesterday at training was fairly good.  As I was helping beginners, I didn't get to work as hard as I normally would, which is, probably, a good thing, considering how out of shape I am.  Stupid shingles.  Still, I did work.  Not kicking for three weeks and returning to the kicking had my hips screaming for help.  I guess those aren't muscles I use all that regularly.

I also managed to tear all the skin off the bottom of my left big toe.  I had a blister there, apparently.  I don't anymore.  Now I have fresh skin.  So... yay?

It was so nice to get back to training.  It was so nice to see my kung fu family again.  It's so nice to kick things... OH MY GOD I MISSED KICKING AND PUNCHING!  Honestly, there is something so cathartic about fight training.  It's great to punch and kick things.  I'm not one for sparring, because when I throw a technique I might hurt someone.  But kicking a shield and punching focus mitts as hard as you can is sooooooooooooooooooo satisfying.

Ahhhhhh.  Happy sigh.

Also yesterday, I managed to write some.  I got in roughly one and half thousand words.  It's about half of what I usually write, before it got so difficult.  It's not the best word count, and though I'm happy to have written at all, I'm a little disappointed in not getting to my usual three thousand.  Still, I wrote, and that I wrote at all should be celebrated.

I'm happy to have done that, but I'm also really craving my flow.  I miss being able to sit down and write for three hours.  Usually it's not all that difficult.  Now, it feels like pulling teeth.  That's annoying.

Hopefully, though, I'll be able to write again today.  If I make another thousand words, I would (try to) be happy.

Sometimes it's hard to remember that writing is not a race, but a marathon.

And now I have to go and get to work.  Have a brilliant Wednesday, everyone.

Ciao!

Good morning, Readers!

This past weekend was Thanksgiving in Canada.  I know a number of people here don't celebrate Thanksgiving, for many reasons, suffering under colonialism being one of the major ones.

It was a busy weekend for me, with family dominating the time.  Which I love.  My family is wonderful and warm, and they're so lovely to be around.

First up was a cousin's wedding.  It was fun and sweet, with a short ceremony and a lot of fun afterwards.  We ended up leaving early, which I didn't mind so much.  I'd have loved to stay and dance, but I was also exhausted.  I think my introversion is getting worse and worse the older I get.  Hm.

Sunday was an immediate family day.  My little brother and my Dad hung out.  We went to the movies before seeing my brother off.  He lives in Toronto.  Dad and I had dinner afterwards.  It was a lovely day.

Monday my kung fu brother (what? That's still family!) dropped by for some gaming.  Afterwards, I cuddled the cats, who happily slept on me while I tried hard not to move and disturb them.

All in all, a fabulous weekend.

With it being Thanksgiving, I wanted to talk a bit about the things I am grateful for.

I am grateful for my family.  They are the warmest, most loving people.  I know that if ever I fall down here, they'll come by to pick me back up.  I love them so much, and every get together is a delight because of what wonderful folks they are.

I am grateful for my friends, who are also family.  All the things I listed above are also true for my friends.  I have honestly never felt so loved and accepted.  I look at my friends, a strange collection of artistic types, martial artists, gamers, readers and dreamers, and I can't believe that I have been so damned lucky to have them in my life.  I love my friends so, so much.  Honestly, they are a huge reason why I feel so much better about life; even when I'm having downswings because of my depression.

I am grateful for therapy.  Honestly, there have been situations that I was ill-equipped to handle myself.  My therapist helped me so, so much during the dark times.  And it wasn't just the help of having an impartial ear into which I could unload all of the things that were hurting or angering me.  I was also taught tools to help manage everything I was experiencing, to unlock the things that were holding me back, to realise my worth, and to set up healthy boundaries accordingly.  Honestly, even if you see them only four times a year, get yourself a therapist.  They're wonderful.

I am grateful for my publisher.  It has been a delight working with Renaissance Press.  They are open and kind, and it's really nice to feel like they're actually on my side.

I am grateful for martial arts.  I haven't been to training in a bit, because of shingles (ugh), but it started my whole journey of coming to myself.  It was the first time ever that I was told I could do something cool, and then shown I could.  Martial arts helped me be less scared of the world, and less scared of myself.  It helped me find my spine, and my own worth.  Or, at least, started me down the path.

I am grateful to my writing.  Though I have been struggling to put words to the page of late, I am still grateful that I write.  I think I might have gone mad long before now were it not for writing.  It helps focus my mind on something other than life, which can get really heavy sometimes,  It's its own kind of therapy, really.  A chance to explore issues, emotions and situations from the safety of my chair.

For those exact same reasons, I'm grateful for reading.

I am grateful also for writing because it has opened the doors to a world full of wonderful people.  Ottawa has a brilliant writing community.  With few exceptions, they are fun, friendly and incredibly supportive of one another.  I probably would have given up a long time ago, were it not for the community here.  I love them.

This list of things for which I am grateful is by no means comprehensive.  We'd be here for years if I was to attempt such a thing.  I just wanted to list some things that I am so incredibly grateful for.

What about you? Is there something you feel grateful for?  Let me know in the comments.

Now I'm headed off to attempt to get words onto a page.  Wish me luck!

Ciao!