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Thoughts About Stuff

20/7/2020

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Good morning, Readers!
Picture
Image by Ria Sopala from Pixabay ​
I spent all of yesterday in bed, in my room where there is air-conditioning, rewatching Inuyasha.

Last week was pretty much a bust for me. I did the bare minimum work required before stopping for the day and losing my brain to television. Happily, though, I am almost done the manuscript I've been reading through for a friend, and I can finally start on the next one.

Anyway, I didn't really want to talk about that.

Last week, a friendly acquaintance got in contact with me, noting that they, like myself, have finally figured out that they fall somewhere on the asexual spectrum. They've had a bit of push-back from friends, who appear keen to erase asexuality and its variants. This makes me so sad. I've had similar push back from loved ones, a huge fights where those who claimed to care about me couldn't be bothered to do the research and instead insisted that I was wrong somehow, or broken in need of fixing; invalidated, erased. It was really tough. Like, really tough. My therapist made a whole lot of money from me.

In the end, I had to walk away from that particular relationship.

It was hard and harrowing, and if I didn't have the friends I had, and the circle of support that I did, I might not have escaped the abuse, not without hanging by my own belt from a rafter. It was hard.

That was, in part, why I blogged about it so much. I was the only asexual person I knew in my circles. I felt so alone and lonely. I spent years believing exactly what my now ex-friend believed - that I was wrong somehow. Broken in need of fixing. It was a profound relief when I discovered that actually, I'm not alone. I'm so not alone, in fact, that there is even a label for the thing that I am. And if it took me until I was in my thirties to come across this information, to find out that actually, I'm perfectly fine, how many others out there are similarly struggling?

Blogging about it let me sort it all out, and if even one person who felt as I did stumbled across my posts and discovered they were not, in fact alone in the world, then good. I achieved something worthwhile.

It's gratifying when people reach out to me to let me know that I did, in fact, help, even if in some small way.

I'm not saying this to pat myself on the back, but rather to express sadness. Sadness that it's 2020, and people like me are still struggling to find acceptance - even if not belief - from our supposed friends and family. That it's 2020 and people who navigate the world like I do are still feeling erased and ostracised. Still.

It also makes me angry. People like me are your friends. Surely if you claim to love and care for them, you'd do the research instead of dismissing them outright.

Asexuality is real.

Anyway, I'm annoyed and saddened on behalf of the person who reached out to me; angry because a fundamental part of themselves has been soundly rejected by folks who ought to care for them. Sad because they've contemplated leaving those relationships, and that is hard and harrowing and if they don't have a good place to land amongst good, kind folks, it might be impossible.

So, if there are any asexuals reading this, feel free to drop a link in the comments to your asexual communities - the safe places you've found when you landed. In person meet-up in the Ottawa-Gatineau region are especially welcome (even if you're on hiatus because of Covid).

That is all I've got today. I'm off to go edit stuff.

​Ciao!
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Artistic Failure

16/7/2020

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Good morning, Readers!

I've gone and blogged about my art on my art site about a piece I did while I was out of town getting some much needed relaxation at the cottage. A cottage. Away from the city.

​Anyway, here it is.
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I'm back from my trip to cottage country with my father and his lovely girlfriend. I spent four odd days by the water, watching the rain come and go, attempting to canoe when it was far too windy, being stung by wasps as I attempted and failed to retrieve a kayak from beneath the cottage, and drawing.

Mostly I was working on designs for the leather working I intend to do, but I also worked a painting concept that has been floating around my head for a while. While I think the concept is solid, the drawing itself is not terrific. I'm not especially happy with it. For that reason, I'm unsure whether or not I'll be offering this as art prints. We'll see.

It did, however teach me a great deal about myself, my skills and my needs. First, here is the piece:

- Read More -

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That Story Thing

15/7/2020

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Good morning, Readers!
Picture
Image by Myriam Zilles from Pixabay
I'm over at Black Gate magazine today, this time with aa short story.

Remember a while ago when I asked for story prompts for a sort-of communal writing jam? Yeah, well, neither did I until recently. I had a month to work on this, and so naturally I completely forgot about until the week it was due. University essays all over again. Nevertheless, I figured I’d try my hand at it anyway.

This was the only prompt I received:

She impatiently checked her watch, sighing and rolling her eyes as burning debris rained onto the ground around her.

Many thanks again to Jaina for that prompt.

Short stories are not my strong suit, so it’s probably going to be stupidly rough and less than brilliant. I’ve not written a short story in a long, long time. So, if you’re reading it, feel free to have a good chuckle at my expense.

I tried. Also, I’m terrible at titles.
​
If you can do better (and I don’t think that’d be difficult), link to your story in the comments!

- Read More -

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Gone Away

14/7/2020

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Good morning, Readers!
Picture
Image by Annalise Batista from Pixabay ​
Still away, sketching. I'm don't know how I'm doing, but probably really relaxed.

I dream of a house in the country, with no neighbours for miles and miles, surrounded by trees and animals. It might sound lonely to some, but that's heaven for me. It will probably only ever be a dream, but that's alright. Dreams can be fun, even if they only stay dreams.

And so, my friends, this post is just to give you all permission to dream.

Dream big.

Dream small.

It doesn't matter.

Right, I'm off to do... more... of whatever the hell I'm doing at the cottage.

Just checking in to let you know that I'm probably still alive.

​Ciao!
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Not Here

13/7/2020

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Good morning, Readers!
Picture
Image by Annalise Batista from Pixabay ​
I'm not here.

I'm out of town, recharging. I'm probably enjoying days of rain with my guitar and sketchbook. That was the plan, in any case.

As I'm out of town, I don't really have anything to report. I'm almost done the editing I need to do on one manuscript, and will be starting another read from someone else immediately after. Hopefully after that, there won't be another reader for a while and I can focus on writing again.

My brain has been returning to Cai a lot of late, so I need to get these two WIPs done and filed away, because I think it's time to get on the next book of The Great Man series.

And I also have another two books ideas I need to write.

And a bunch of designs I need to draw.

Right, I'm not here, and I'm still blathering on about nothing. So I"m going to leave it here and go... continue to not be here...

​Ciao!
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It's Hot. That is All.

9/7/2020

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Good morning, Readers!
Picture
Image by Greg Waskovich from Pixabay ​
Look, it is too damned early for it to be this damned hot.

Today will be another day spent upstairs where there is air-conditioning. As soon as I'm done doing the things I need to do here. Which is, primarily, editing a manuscript.

There will be no exercising today. It's not even 9:00 as of the writing of this, and it's 27 degrees out.

There is only my bed, ac and possible sketching in my future. Everything else can go die in the fire the is Ottawa currently.

I'm grumpy. I hate the heat. I hate it so much.

There's nothing else to say. I'm unemployed and stressed and hot and grumpy.

There's nothing else, really to say. I'm going to get this stuff done as quickly as humanly possible, so I can retreat.

Ciao!
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Bits and Pieces

8/7/2020

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Good morning, Readers!
Picture
Image by Syaibatul Hamdi from Pixabay
I don't complain about the cold, so I reserve the right to bitch about the heat. And so:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I HATE IT!

There. Done for the day.

Come back for more screaming in torment at this literally hellish weather tomorrow.

For now, though, I'm just going to get things that I need to do done today, and then I'm going to retreat to my air-conditioned room to read and or sleep the rest of the day away. If I had a Switch, I'd be in my bed playing that, because it's portable. All my gaming stuff is not portable and is downstairs. Where there's no ac. *sob*

In news about writing, I wrote a short story. From an external prompt. And, like, it's not the worst thing I've ever written. It's not a brilliant piece of literature by any stretch, and the title sucks big time, but it's not the worst. I wrote this, of course, for my upcoming Black Gate post. Some time ago I asked for short story prompts for all the Black Gate readers and I to do a sort of story-writing jam. There was only one prompt, and I suspect that I'm the only one who cared enough to write from it (other than the prompter, or course). Still, I wrote the thing, and I'm alright with it. If it passes muster with the editor, it'll go up next Tuesday.

There aren't a lot of things I have to get done before I retreat to the safety of my artificially cooled sanctuary. Editing the short story I just spoke of is one. Then I have more of the manuscript I"m looking at for a friend to go through. After that, I'll exercise, throw everything I have in the laundry, have the coldest shower known to man and then vanish into my room. I might take my sketchbook in and start doing the concept sketches for the next few paintings I want to do.

Or maybe some designs for that secret project. Mwah hah hah hah hah!

Oooh. I think that's what I'll do. Designs for my secret project.

But first, I have a whole whack of editing to do.

I should go do that. Try and stay cool today. Except for the folks in the southern hemisphere. Those folks should probably try and stay warm.

Right, I'm off.

​Ciao!
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    S.M. Carrière, a Celtic Studies enthusiast, writes fiction.  And this blog.

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