Good morning, Readers!

Well, I've been on "holiday."  You may have noticed that it was sudden.  Sorry about that.  One of our kitties (Galahad) was not well, and it was a stressful, scary time.  I did not have a good time on this 'holiday.'

We had to rush him to emergency; and I only managed it with the help of my kung fu brother (who should be sainted, by the way).  He was so kind to come and collect me and take the cat and I to the emergency vet.  We went to the Ottawa Veterinary Hospital, and I cannot recommend them enough.  They were so lovely, and kind, and really understanding about my tears.

The Amazing Flatmate was on holiday herself, and out of the country.  I ruined that holiday by leaving a teary , anxious message on her voicemail about what was going on.  I feel guilty about calling her when I was panicked, but I had to let her know what was going on.

What followed was a looooong trip to the emergency vet, with my kung fu brother staying with me the whole time.  I honestly owe that man the world.  The vets were worried it was something to do with his urinary systems, which can be fatal pretty quickly.  They did a whole bunch of tests, and gave him and X-ray, and then sent him home with strict instructions to observe him.

His weird behaviours continued, and I got a call from the vet.  All urinary stuff was clear.  Now they were worried that his liver (which appeared too small for him in the X-ray), and so wanted him brought in for testing.  Once again, I packed poor Galahad into his carrier and brought him to the vet.  I had to leave him there for five hours while they tested.  My good friend Jonathan did the leg work this time, and I owe him a great deal too.  The same from Trina, who was incredible emotional support.  I spent those five hours wracked with guilt and sobbing.

Galahad is an annoying little fur-ball, but I love him very much, and the thought of him being in pain made me beside myself.

At pick-up, I was told Galahad was extremely stressed at the vet.  Guilt intensifies. Still, after bringing him home, he seemed much more himself.  I even got a couple of days of cuddles (he's normally a very cuddly cat).  Then the odd behaviour started again, and I got worried.  But I got a call from the vet earlier in the week.  His micro-liver appeared to be functioning normally, and he is pretty damned healthy (if a little overweight... Ahem).  I asked the vet about his behaviour and they thought it might be stress caused by the intense heat we've been having.

So... now I'm saving up for a portable air conditioner, or a small, quiet, window unit that I can put in and take out (because fresh air is absolutely necessary for me) easily for when we get heatwaves that our central air cannot handle... and it cannot handle even a little bit of heat.  That way there'll be at least one cool room in the house for Galahad to take refuge in.

And that was my "holiday."  I spent it anxiously hovering over a sick cat, dealing with the stress by hiding from the world and having a massive Castle marathon.  You can bet that I cried more than normal at all the touching scenes in the series.

However, now that the Amazing Flatmate is back from the trip I spoilt — so much guilt — I can return to work knowing that Galahad is safe with her.  So, here I am.

Now I have to try and play catch-up with all the things I hid from while on "holiday."  Wish me luck!

​Ciao!

Good morning, Readers!

This has been a really hard few days for me.

Sunday morning, I woke up feeling fine.  Then, for NO FUCKING REASON, I was hit with one of the worst panic attacks I've ever had.  The last time I was in this state was in university full time, working full time, and my only 'friends' were being deliberately psychologically abusive.

If this panic attack was a cyclone, it would've been a category 5.  It would've been a category 5 kaiju.  It would've measured 9 on the Richter scale.  If it was a tsunami, it would've been the one that swallowed Atlantis.

It was baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad, guys.

And I don't know the trigger.  One moment I was fine.  The next, I was a puddle of hyperventilating mass of ooze on the floor.  It felt like forever before I was in control enough to move, and then the panicking feeling stayed with me all day.

One of the coping mechanisms I've been taught (fucking thank you, therapy) is to, when you're able, do things that make you feel in control.  It helps to alleviate that awful feeling of helplessness that accompany my panic attacks.  Note: this doesn't work for everyone.  Work with your therapist to find solutions that work for you.  Anyway, for me, that meant cleaning my room.  Like, a thorough cleaning.  I got rid of so much.

The room is now absolutely clean and clear, and serves as a brilliant oasis.

Which I needed Monday.  Yesterday was a day spent in the throes of a panic attack hangover.  For those who are clueless as to what that is, it's an awful lot like how you feel after a night out dancing and drinking to excess... but without all the fun.  The upset stomach, full body ache, headache that will destroy your will to live... all of it.  I went straight to bed when I finished my day Monday.

It took me a while to fall asleep, though, 'cause things with Galahad are weird.  I'm worried that something is seriously wrong with him.  He won't let me near.  He's tense.  He meows at me like I'm a threat and keeps running away from me.  He's eating, though, so that's a good sign.

I've been reassured that he's probably just mad because my room is now clean.  It was his safe spot for a bit, and I got rid of all the things he liked to lie on.  But I've never seen him like this.  Not ever.

I'm hoping they're right.  I can handle him being pissed at me.  But I'm anxious that something is actually really wrong, and he's in pain.  I was so anxious that, despite not falling asleep until late last night, I woke up at 4:00am this morning.  I checked on him.  He's still, for want of a better descriptor, cranky.

A friend of mine called this morning to check up on us both, and I spent the majority of the conversation in tears.  I'm freaking out about it a little.  A lot.

I won't be going to training tonight.  I'm going home to keep an eye on Galahad and make sure he's eating and drinking still.  I might take tomorrow off to spend with him and keep an eye on him.  If things don't improve tomorrow, I'm... selling a kidney and taking him to a vet.

Anyway, that's where I'm at now.  My headache is gone, as is most of the body ache, but I'm still too stressed and too anxious to be of use to anyone today.

In happier news, they've rescued the entire soccer team trapped in the caves in Thailand.  They're all out, and receiving medical aid.  Also, Stephen Colbert is back on the air, and that's great too.

Now I have to go and stare blankly at something.

​Ciao.

Good morning, Readers!

Welp, I've been wanting to do this since I first saw it, and now, at long, long last, I can!  Those of you who've signed up to my newsletter have already seen it, and now I can share it with the rest of the world.  Without any further fanfare (even though I want to gush about it), here's the book cover for Skylark​:

And now the full spread:

So, yeah.  I'm really liking it, which feels weird to admit, since I did the artwork for it, but still.  I think it looks great; it's eye-catching and it really does have everything to do with the story.

Before anyone asks, I do not yet know the release date.  I will yell it from the rooftops as soon as I have it.

So... what do you think?  Am I blind?  Leave your thoughts in the comments.  Now I'm off to eat chocolate and do a happy dance.

​Ciao!

Good morning, Readers!

I was supposed to stream last night.  I'm sorry.  It couldn't happen.  The internet decided to cease functioning yesterday, so I couldn't stream.  I'm really sorry about that.  I was really looking forward to it.

Instead, I fired up my Xbox 360 to play some games that my brother gave me years ago, but I hadn't gotten 'round to even opening yet.  The first thing I opened up was Dragon Age: Inquisition.  But that sucker wouldn't play unless I could sign into Xbox Live.  Which I couldn't.  So I popped in Shadow of Mordor, and oh, boy! I'm glad I did.

I played about three hours, and I can safely say that I am loving this game.  The combat system is great.  And, now that I'm over the initial learning curve, I'm doing alright gaming-wise.

I'm also really loving the way they're handling the whole infinite lives in gaming.  Sure, you get infinite lives, but there's actually a profound cost to dying.  I'll be writing a sassy review of this one when I'm done, so I'm not going into detail about it here, except to say that it's a bloody clever idea and I really like it.

So I'm really sorry I missed the stream. But it did give me an opportunity to crack open a game in my library that had been starved for attention and it's a great game, so I'm not mad about it.

I'm looking forward to playing more.  But for now, I have to write.

​Ciao!

Good morning, Readers!

And so it begins.  The long, long road of barbs and knives and crushing stones of disappointment.  Soldier is at last out on submission.  I submitted to only two, both agents, one in the UK and one in the USA.  I've met the agent from the States, and he seems like a pretty awesome dude.  I think we'd get on in a working relationship.

I have not met the agent in the UK, but his bio on the agency website seemed to make Soldier and, by extension, The Great Man a fabulous fit.

I'm hopeful, but also quite jaded.  I'm fully expecting a, "No, thank you" from both of these agents.

Both agencies have a policy of "if you don't hear from us in eight weeks, that's a no."  Eight weeks.  So I'm just going to ignore the submissions process for those eight weeks and get started on writing again... though I still haven't set my mind on which of the two sequels I have to write will be the first written.  I may just do them both concurrently.  We'll see.

Thus, today's plan is to start the brief plotting that I do... Which is actually to say that I write the one sentence note on the endings of these sequels.  I say that, but the prologue for the next book in The Great Man (currently titled Outcast) is making itself known as I write this.  So that's probably the book I'm going with for now.

That said (there's a lot of this), I have a few scenes from the next of the Avalon series that are screaming to be written.

WHY, BRAIN?! WHY DO YOU TORMENT ME SO?

The point is, I need to get writing.  I'm actually pretty excited about having two stories to write.  That means if ever I get stuck on one story, I can drop it for a bit and work on the other.  Hopefully by the time I go back to the first, my sub-conscience will have ironed out whatever kink had me stalling in the first place.

Did that even make sense? I didn't sleep well last night for some reason, and the coffee hasn't kicked in yet.  I'm pretty sure my fingers are typing out words...

Right, I have to go.

There is work to be done.

Ciao!

Good morning, Readers!

This weekend was a mixed bag.

It was a long weekend, which was nice.  Or it might have been if it wasn't so damned hot.  Like over 30 degrees in actual temperature... feeling more like 47.  Look, I know I'm Australian, but I left the country for a reason.  Okay, it was because I was miserable, friendless and without direction, but the other reason was the heat.  I hate the heat, and any weather where it feels like 47 is TOO DAMNED HOT.

Yesterday was particularly scary.  The central air conditioning in the house just was not working.  Not even a little.  And poor little fluffy Galahad began to pant.  He ran into my room, jumped on my bed, meowed, and panted like crazy.  I was panicked.  I did everything I could to cool him off, including putting ice in the wok and placing that as close to him as I could without squishing him with ice.  I wet his legs to help cool off his paws.  And I put out a call to friends for help.  I begged for an indoor air conditioning unit to help save my poor kitty.

And boy did everyone really pull through.  A special shout out to Evan May and his lovely wife, who immediately set out to get me their old window unit, so there would be at least one room that would be cool enough for the cats to hide in when it gets too hot.  It's old and noisy as hell, but it shoots out cold air, and that is heavenly.  Galahad did eventually stop panting, and he seems very much himself again.  So, panic blissfully over.

It helps that it dipped to 19 or so last night, and the house started to cool down at long last.  The central air finally started to spit out cool air (I noticed it this morning as I stepped into the washroom and the floor was not baking hot), so now I'm not stressed about Galahad and feel okay leaving him to go to work.

And so here I am at work, enjoying much better air conditioning than that available at my house.  It's supposed to go up to 33 today, and goodness knows what that's supposed to feel like.  Hopefully it's going to feel like 33.  There was a nice cool breeze as I walked to work this morning, so I'm hopeful it's not going back to feel like almost 50 degrees.

Gods it was awful.  I did nothing all weekend 'cause it was too hot to do anything at all.  It was too hot to even game.  That says a lot.

Saturday morning was lovely.  I went out to my consultation for my next tattoo.  I really like the artist.  She knows her stuff, and is a wonderful person.  She specialises in line work and loves it (other artists do not, so I'm worried that I bore them with my line work obsession).  It's quite an extensive piece, and I vastly underestimated how long it would take, and so how expensive it would be.  So now I have to start saving really, really hard.  That means making certain sacrifices.

The first thing to go is my monthly bus pass.  It's over a hundred a month for the pass, and I can walk while the weather is good.  I walked to work this morning, and I'm pleased to report that it wasn't a struggle, though it did stress my broken foot a little.  There was a small, sharp crack, and a little bit of pain towards the end of the walk.

Also done is my once a month delivery pizza.  It's great pizza (reminds me a lot of my mum's pizza, and that has strong value), but it's got to go.  I'm looking at other places where I can make cuts to my budget and see how it goes.

I really want this tattoo.  I've been dreaming of it for so long.  Besides, I've paid the deposit, so I'm pretty much locked in now.

There are a few things I'm not willing to give up.  My gym membership is one.  I need those swims.  But there has to be other places I can scrounge some savings.

I'm going for a tattoo 'fitting' (literally a second consultation to have a look at the work and make sure it sits how it's supposed to, and I'm happy with the way it looks) in October.  So I have until then to raise as much as I can, and then I'll see how much I have left to raise and book the first marathon session (6 hours, yo) accordingly.  I'm excited and also stressed.

Lastly, I've gotten some good feedback about the book cover for Skylark.  Those on my newsletter mailing list received an advanced look and they seem to like it.  Most of them are my personal friends, though, so there is always the chance that they're just being nice.

As I've finished the beta reading for a friend, it's time to get started on the submissions process for Soldier, and then get to writing the sequel to that same book... or perhaps the sequel to the manuscript that needs a better title, since that is also needing to be written.

And that is everything.  Wish Soldier good luck on its submission journey.  For now, I'm off to get to work.

​Ciao!

Good morning, Readers!

Today we're celebrating Canada Day here up in Canada-land, and I am spending it inside, away from the crowds and the heat. I don't do well with either.  Because I am hiding from the world, there isn't really a blog post today, so here, have one of my favourite Canadiana songs:

Despite my propensity towards having panic attacks in large crowds, and almost literally melting with the heat, I am a proud Canadian.

Canada's not perfect.  There are so many ways to improve (hey, how about we stop treating our First Nations siblings like shit for a start), but I still think Canada is well worth celebrating.

So, to those out having fun, or avoiding the heat like me, enjoy today, and remember to be polite, open and accepting (to a point, let's be honest).

I love you, Canada.