S.M. Carrière . com
Connect:
  • Home
  • About
  • Titles
    • Daughters Of Britain
    • Dear Father
    • Ethan Cadfael: The Battle Prince
    • Human
    • Skylark
    • The Dying God & Other Stories
    • The Seraphimè Saga >
      • The Summer Bird (v.1)
      • The Winter Wolf (v.2)
    • Your Very Own Adventures >
      • Skara Braens
      • Sky Road Walker
    • WIP Updates
  • Art
  • Other Projects
    • Editing Services
    • Charity Efforts >
      • Gàrradh nan Leannan
      • Have a Heart Campaign
    • Journal
    • Martial Arts
    • Silver Stag Entertainment
    • The Adventures of Grimglum the Nord
    • SMC Awkwardly Plays
  • Shop
    • Books
    • Art Prints
  • Contact

Another Life

13/4/2016

1 Comment

 
Good morning, Readers!
Picture
Image courtesy of bigthink.com. Click for link.
So, this morning I was thinking.

I know.  Shocking.

But I was thinking about my life.  You see, when I was a youngin', I imagined my future as all youngin's tend to. I wanted to fly AF-18s as a young teen.  When I realised that I'd fail in the military (I apparently have an issue with obeying orders without knowing why whatever I'm ordered to do must be done), I decided that maybe I'd be an attorney - a really kick-arse prosecution attorney.

Of all the things I imagined myself to be, a writer simply was not one of them.  I mean, I had always written, and I read voraciously, I just didn't think it was any kind of career to aspire to.

Now, as an adult, and a writer. I find myself contemplating a different life.

Only, here's the thing, despite all my years of world-building in which practically anything is possible, I simply cannot imagine having a different life.  At least, I cannot imagine having a different life and being happy.

What might I be doing now, if I hadn't set my heart on making a career of my writing?

A kick-arse attorney?  Probably, actually.  I'd be busting balls all over the courtroom.  I can be pretty aggressive and extremely competitive sometimes.  It's not a trait I particularly foster in this life, but sure as hell I'd feed those wolves if my career demanded it.

In that life, however, I also see myself alone and lonely.  Not for lack of friends, mind you, but for the things I'd have to repress to have those friends.  No flights of fancy.  No confessions of how much I would love to try LARPing.  No unabashed, sparkly-eyed gushing over fantastic worlds and characters...

Now I have absolutely no doubt that amongst this fictitious group of friends, there would be people who love these things, even participate in them (as there must be in real life).  Judging, however, on how I felt growing up - alone and isolated in my love for all things so incredibly nerdy - I'm fairly certain that I would not be willing to talk about it openly, if I was a ball-busting prosecution attorney.  I would have a reputation to maintain.  That reputation would be all straight lines and sharp angles, no space for softer curves or bizarre shapes.

With my current group of friends, I can confess my weirdness and not feel in the least bit judged.  My current circle of friends are the same kind of weird!

And what would my inner life be like?  Would I have kept on writing if I'm up late studying writs and torts and crime scene evidence?  Likely not.  There would be nowhere for all the stories and characters, deeds and worlds in my head to go.  They'd all be up there, screaming like mad, but squashed down and repressed in an attempt to silence them so I could get some work done.

I'd probably land in a nuthouse, to be honest.  Half the reason I write is to shut my brain up for two seconds...

And here is a very depressing thought: had I chosen not to pursue this writing thing, I likely wouldn't have the friends I do now.  I'd have made different friends in university; friends more interested in law and criminal studies than elves and prose and make-believe.  I would not have gone to conventions that led to the friendships I have now.  I'd have friends, I don't doubt, but not these friends.  The mere thought of not knowing these people makes me sad.

Might I have met someone and married them by now in this other life?  Probably.  But then, I placed greater importance on this when I was younger and imagining my life as an attorney.  Now, I just don't care enough about it to make it a priority.  I mean, if I meet someone I reckon I could live with for more than five minutes, great!  But it's not a goal for me in this life, and so it's just not something I work towards.  In my other life?  Well, since it was part of my life plan, then I'd have tracked that sucker and pinned him down!

This is a really long, ramblely way of saying that my life is not where I thought it would be, and that's the best thing possible.  In this life, I'm fulfilled.  Sure it's not all sunshine and roses.  I'm poor, and likely will be for a little while yet.  I'm unmarried and not dating (thought honestly the worst thing about that is putting up with other people's judgement).  I'm not selling all that well.  There have been many breakdowns and tearful fits.

Still, I feel like I'm in the right place, doing the right work for me, surrounded by the most amazing people I could possibly be.

Any other life is totally inconceivable.
What about you?  Are you where you thought you would be?  More importantly, are you happy here?

Ciao!
1 Comment
Amelia
13/4/2016 11:08:41 am

Something I've been considering as well. No pay answers yet, but I'm thinking.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Author

    S.M. Carrière, a Celtic Studies enthusiast, writes fiction.  And this blog.

    Archives

    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    September 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014

    Categories

    All
    Book Reviews
    Events
    Gaming
    Human
    Life
    Rants
    Reading
    Seraphimè Saga
    Seraphimè Saga
    Skylark
    Television
    Training
    Travels
    Writing
    YouTube

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly