After a great morning, and resolving to go back to training, I found myself in a bad place mentally by the afternoon. In the end, I headed home instead of going to training. I went straight to bed.
Normally, I can fall asleep at the drop of a hat. But my mind would not shut up. I tried shutting it up with mindless scrolling through Facebook, but with all the terrible headlines and the people being stupid, it didn't help. So I went to YouTube, hoping for something to cheer me up. There wasn't really anything there either.
So, I tossed and turned and begged for sleep. Granted, it was early in the night (I was showered and in bed before 7pm). At nine-ish, I gave up. I went downstairs and made myself something to eat before turning on my PS4 to try to game. Skyrim, of course, since I am obsessed.
My brain stopped its whirlwind of dire thoughts as I focussed on sneaking through ruins, sniping Falmer like a badass, solving puzzles and living outside myself for a few hours. It helped so much to get my brain out of the spiral that usually accompanies the chasm of emptiness that is my depression.
Gaming, like reading and watching TV/films, gets me out of my own head. Unlike reading or watching something, gaming makes me make decisions. I can't decide for a character what they're going to do. I can decide for my character. In fact, I have to. I am forced to be proactive in game. Gaming is not something that happens passively. I find it far more effective for getting me out of myself than reading or watching films/TV (though both are fantastic... reading especially).
Also, streaming allows me to be social while gaming. I can chat with people who are watching me play (read: die repeatedly), and they're generally really lovely, and it's fun to chat with them. That also gets me out of my own head.
Reasons like the above are why I will always shake my head at people who sneer at others who game. It's not really all that different from watching TV, which invariably people who sneer at gamers tend to do for hours. And it is really effective at focussing a scattered mind.
Incidentally, that's also why I love martial arts so much. It's the same sort of thing; basically moving meditation.
So, if you're curious about gaming, and have never done it before, I can only say, do it. It's not just fun, challenging and sometimes really emotional (honestly, some of the best storytelling I've encountered has been in video games).
Now here is one of my favourite comedians talking about gaming:
(Hi, new followers! Thanks for the follow!)
I'm still playing Assassin's Creed Unity, finishing up the DLC. It might take longer than I thought. But I'll be playing that tonight. When that is done, my friend PY lent me the two most recent Tomb Raiders. With the film coming out, I figured that would be a good to stream.
For my birthday, my brother has told me he intends to get me a game called Hellblade: Senua's Sacrifice. It's a game centred on a young Celtic woman who travels to the viking Hel to try and recover the soul of a loved one. What's great about this is that Senua is mentally ill, and hears voices. I'm pretty sure I was the demographic for this game. Just me. They were thinking of me.
Before I play this game, though, I need to find a new headset, because the one I have only has one ear piece, and Hellblade is designed for a better set (binaural audio). I'm currently looking at this set. If anyone who is reading this is in the know, could you let me know if it's an alright set? I have no clue.
Anyway, thanks to gaming last night (in which I finished the build for Lakeview Manor.... just need to furnish it now), I'm in a much better mood. I'm really looking forward to gaming tonight, not least of all because it affords me the ability to chat with friends and friendly folk as I play.
So, thank you, games and gaming, for helping quiet my mind and helping me find my centre again.
And now I have to go do things.