So, a couple of days ago I was called aggressive. I blinked. Then scoffed. Then thought about it.
I have been described as many things. "Full on" was my favourite description. Intense is another. I have been called cold and I have been called mean (by a giant man-baby who couldn't logic his way out of a discussion, so instead of conceding that I may in fact have a point, he resorted to name calling). I suppose I was being aggressive.
We happened to be discussing a bill that some jerk from the states wanted to introduce. The bill straight up says that women need to get permission from a man in order to get an abortion. Let's not go into it, because I will lose my temper. The point is, during this discussion, I was labelled aggressive. At first I was all confused.
And then I realised something else. I have started writing Daughters of Britain, and at that point I was writing the character Mederei. She is a ball of incredibly powerful rage and is always close to flipping her lid... which she does fairly often. To be fair, she had it rough.
There is no doubt that I was channelling her a bit.
This isn't to say that I'm normally very obliging and demure. I'm not, particularly if I see injustices. I will speak out, and I will be blunt. I try to be nice usually, though. I seem to have an issue with being overly blunt (though I have a theory that much of that has to do with gender expectations. I digress).
I've written before how writing tends to affect me. I have a tendency to go through an emotional roller coaster along with the characters I write. I've had nightmares, I've randomly burst into tears, I've laughed out loud at (seemingly) nothing in public places. It's weird. It's really, really weird. I guess I'm a method writer?
In this case, Mederei is an angry, angry young woman who has very little empathy for anyone except her sister. Her only concern is killing Romans; as many Romans as she can. That's all she wants. That's all she cares about. She doesn't really care that there are good Romans out there, or that those poor people fighting in the auxiliaries aren't even Roman or want to be fighting for Rome. If you are on the other side of the battlefield from her, she will destroy you. And she will enjoy it.
I would feel terrible slaughtering people, for the record, but I do feel myself getting angrier than normal, and a little less caring.
So, I will beg forgiveness in advance for being particularly grumpy for the next three months. I may also get weepy and all about family. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm off now to do things. Grumpily.